thoughts

I've just finished working the last six out of seven nights.  I am so beyond tired, I feel sick!  Honestly don't think I've been this tired in a long, long time.

Not only was this week one of the roughest schedules I've worked in along time, it also was among the roughest several nights I've worked in a long time.  It's very rare that work brings me to the point of tears, but this week I found myself at that point several times.  I can think of some of my most overwhelming nights, and these went beyond that.  Finally at the end of the week I had to ask the charge nurse to please change up my assignment for the last night.  Thank God last night was actually decent!

We got home from work this morning and the sun was shining and the sky was so blue.  I was tired but wanted to be out in the sun so badly so I decided to go for a run anyway.  Turned out to be a bit of a mistake as my body completely rebelled the last two miles out of exhaustion.  But at the end I still decided to walk another mile, because the weather was just too beautiful!

As I took in the scenery around me (for the first time WITHOUT snow) I became really overwhelmed by this whole experience.  All the places I've gotten to see, the new experiences.  And just how wonderful this particular assignment has been.  I know that I might not ever get to experience one quite this awesome again.  The location, our housing, co-workers... everything has just been amazing!  I feel really attached here, and it's going to be really hard to leave.  I'm actually really sad to be leaving Spokane behind.  I'm trying to remember that there is a reason for it.

I'm off for the next four nights... SO ready for a break!

some introspection on this tuesday night

I have had horrible writer's block lately.  Keep getting on here to write and while I feel like I have so much to say, I just can't get it out into words on the screen.  So here's trying again, hoping that something of substance materializes here tonight.

Spokane has been an awesome assignment.  AWESOME.  I am praying that we get asked to renew this contract, as I have just loved every aspect of it.  The actual assignment itself is a challenge, don't get me wrong.  The floor we work on is definitely a PCU and can be a huge challenge, though I still feel I've dealt with worse at my old job so I can't complain.

I can't believe we are half-way through this assignment.  Time has flown so fast, but it's like that when you're having fun I'm told.  We are living a ways outside of civilization (for me, anyway) so days off honestly aren't spent in an extremely exciting manner unless we take a trip into Spokane.  My focus has been hugely on my health and fitness, and I can honestly say I'm enjoying it (in the snow, rain, and ice, too)!  I've challenged myself in ways I haven't in years... and for once the focus is on rising to the challenge and pushing myself rather than just what size I am and whether I've gained weight or not. We love trips to Target and Trader Joe's.  We've decided Trader Joe's is a discovery of finding a new snack to enjoy each time we go.  So far, we've found a lot!  I love Trader Joe's!

We took a trip to Seattle last week, which was pretty awesome.  Honestly, Seattle just wasn't quite what I thought it would be.  I think the cold rain had a lot to do with my disappointment, so I'm hoping one day to give it another chance.  I think I could love Seattle (I mean, there are like 75 Starbucks in the downtown area alone... hello!) but that one weekend just wasn't quite enough.  I will say, however, that Cafe Nouveau had the absolute BEST croissant I've ever tasted... twice-baked almond!  We even went back on our way out of Seattle just for that.  I am still dreaming of that, still dreaming of it.

As for just this whole adventure of travel nursing... I'm SO glad that I decided to do this.  There has been something so incredibly liberating about just picking up and going across the country.  To the complete unknown, with nothing but a sense of adventure and a friend at my side.  Which is what makes it as awesome as it's been.

It isn't that I didn't know who I was before embarking on this... but I've learned SO much about myself and the world in the past four months.  Branching out and seeing that there are different cultures, different ways of life, different viewpoints, all of that... honestly nothing I believe or think has changed since leaving Florida.  But it has been re-affirmed again and again.  Let's be honest, I'm not quite the diligent, conservative girl who never questioned anything that I was just a few short years ago.  There's a lot about the south that I miss, don't get me wrong. (my family and friends, Chick Fil A, Publix, just to name a few...)

There's something about the Northwest.  I don't know what it is... I just feel that I've grown into myself out here.  I can't even express what I'm trying to say.  Just that this experience has been so amazing, and I am so incredibly grateful to God for giving it to me.  I think I might be able to better express these thoughts another time... I'll leave it at that for now.

it's a journey

Since starting travel nursing, running has become a new hobby of mine.  That's definitely not a something I ever thought I would say, but here I am saying it.  I feel as though I've had a breakthrough with fitness.  Seeing it as a way to challenge and push myself, achieve goals, break my own personal records.  And learning that it isn't about pushing my body to achieve a specific size and shape.

Yesterday I went running-- five miles (more than I've run in years)-- in the snow, ice, and rain.  Call me crazy, but I actually do enjoy running in conditions other than hot and humid (take that, Florida!).  I indulged in a little self-promotion that I rarely allow myself to do on facebook, and bragged on myself just a bit.  I then included the statement that I felt badass because less than a year ago I was overweight and sedentary.  And while I got plenty of likes for that status (because well, duh, that's why we post!) one comment stood out to me more than all of those likes.  Essentially the gyst of this comment was that I was never overweight to begin with.

Of course, then I felt a bit silly.  

I know I was never obese.  I realize I don't know what it's like to be 30, 50, or 100+ pounds overweight.  I've never claimed to.  But I was a sedentary, over-eating and yes, overweight girl.  I was unhealthy, even though I might not have admitted it at the time.  I could barely walk a mile without being short of breath.  I would bend over to tie my shoes and breathing became difficult.  I felt stuck, I felt trapped.  I felt like I would try to make extreme changes only to make even bigger failures and then feel even worse about myself.  When I reached my breaking point last May when even my biggest clothes were way too small and I barely recognized who I saw in pictures, I knew something had to change.  So I began a journey, one that I'm still on, and one that I'm still learning to navigate and probably always will.

I remember thinking to myself, "I'm 25 years old.  Is this the prime of my life?  Is this as good as it will get for me?"  And I resolved that the latter part of my twenties would be better.  That I would take care of myself.  Every day is different.  There are days I don't have a hard time with it at all.  And days where I still wish I could just eat a whole pizza, ice cream and cake, and just not care.  And sometimes I allow myself those (smaller) indulgences, and it's ok.  But every day is part of my journey toward being a better, healthier person.

Spokane, WA

Hello from Washington!  Actually, I'm living in Idaho but wanted to say that since Washington is where my assignment is.  I've been here a week now, and I have to say that I have loved every minute of it so far.  Yes, even my nights on the floor.  This assignment has already gone so much better than the first one.  I don't think we could have asked for any better, honestly.

We arrived Saturday night to snow and ice EVERYWHERE.  At first I was thinking, "What have I gotten myself into!?"  I honestly didn't realize that Spokane has quite this extreme of winters.  But once I got through that first night and invested in a good pair of boots, things have been great.  We have had snow a few times and gotten the experience of driving through it.  It's been interesting but I'm learning. I'm hoping to get to make a snow man tomorrow!

So things are going very well, and I'm very optimistic right now!  Here are some pictures from our first week here.

Our sadness of leaving Philz behind in San Francisco was quickly alleviated when we discovered we live close to THREE Dutch Bros! 

I am so excited to be living somewhere with snow!  Definitely a dream come true for me.  We'll see how I feel after a little while. 

Just playing in the snow. 

Snowy trips to Target 

In my neighborhood.  Right on the edge of the mountains! 

Getting to work with Bela has been a blast!  We have been given the exact same schedule for this assignment, which I still can't believe.  It's nice to have someone there with you to keep you laughing.  Working night shift can actually be quite isolating so it helps to have a friend by your side.  Castro Valley was difficult at times because I didn't have that.

And today, I took my first run in the snow!  I feel pretty proud of myself.  I bought Yaktrax, which make all the difference.  You can run on packed snow and ice (carefully, of course).  This weather will not defeat me!

Castro Valley

We're now down to less than two days left here in Castro Valley.  I can hardly believe it!

I started out on this journey with a lot of excitement.  Trekking across the country, stopping at awesome landmarks throughout the West, and coming to a whole new place I'd never been to be a travel nurse.  It all seemed so exciting, and it was!  But once we got started into the reality of it, it was really hard.  Throw the Holidays into the mix, and it made for a pretty difficult first month and a half.  I'm not complaining or looking for sympathy-- it's just the way it was.  I never really questioned why I did this, but I did find myself wondering just how long I would last in this business.

Of course, I'm still asking that same question.  I am finding myself wishing I had a place to just settle and live.  But I still have that urge to move on, so on I go.  I'm so excited about Spokane.  This next assignment definitely looks to be a bit more of a challenge.  It actually sounds quite similar to my job back home.  I'm kind of ready for a new challenge (though I may be eating those words in a few weeks) because this assignment has kind of dumbed me down a bit.

I will miss little Castro Valley and the rest of the Bay Area (I heart SF).  Highlights include visiting Muir Woods, Golden Gate Bridge (duh), walking the hills of SF, getting lost in the city, and eating at lots of new and different restaurants (Source--vegetarian--was my fav!).  Perhaps more than anything, I will miss Philz Coffee.  Oh, Philz, why can't I take you with me?  As for Castro Valley, I'll miss our little apartment we called home for three months.  I'll miss late night dinners at Shari's Pies.  I'll most especially miss my walks and runs around Lake Chabot.  I blew off a lot of steam on those trails, and got into the best shape I've been in for a long time thanks to those ridiculous hills!  Spokane, I'm ready for you!

Quite possibly the biggest highlight of them all would be Allison visiting for week a couple weeks ago!    We had so much fun.  I even got to do a few of the touristy things a second time, plus some new fun experiences as well.  It all just worked out perfectly with my schedule and hers.  Now she has to come to Spokane!

It's already been such a great growing experience.  I can't wait to start the next one!

I just don't seem to have much to say on my blog anymore!  It seems the busier I've become, the less important writing has become to me.  Which I don't like at all.  I will work on being better about it.

2014 has started off pretty well.  We are just about to finish up our assignment here in Castro Valley-- only two more nights of work left!  This has been such a great experience!  I mean, it's definitely been hard at times.  The holidays were probably the hardest part of it all.  It seems that once they ended, this assignment suddenly became a piece of cake!

And so our next assignment will be in Spokane, WA!  I'm so unbelievably excited about this!  You have no idea.  It will only be an 8 week assignment but we are hoping that perhaps if we like it enough, there could be a contract renewal.  We shall see about all that when the time comes though.

I'm feeling very optimistic about things right now, and I hope it stays that way for awhile!  Washington here I come!

2013

I can hardly believe that 2013 has come to an end.  What a year!  I've got NYE off for the first time EVER since becoming a nurse, but conveniently I'm stuck all the way out in California where I don't know many people outside of my roommate who is at work.  But it's kind of nice to just spend the evening thinking about the past year---how I've grown---and my aspirations for 2014.

So here's a recap of all the big things that happened to me this year.

In January, I got my little kitty Aberforth!  I was so excited to bring him home and introduce him to Albus.  The two didn't get along very well at first, but eventually became like brothers.  January tends to be a very boring month in which very little happens.

Skipping to March, I went on my very first cruise--- with the Disney Cruise Line!  I would definitely say that this was the BEST vacation I've ever been on.  I'd never really had that "resort" experience before, and from what I've heard since then, DCL is the top of the line cruise line.  Don't think I'll ever cruise with anyone else!  After the cruise, sadly I lost my kitty Albus after he swallowed over 20 hair ties.  It was a very sad experience, especially because I felt so responsible.

In April I suffered a back injury which put me in the ER.  I had a lot of realizations about my health during the time after, but didn't really know what to do or how to deal with them at the time.  The following month while visiting family in Illinois, I saw a picture of myself that somebody had taken, and hardly recognized it.  It was then that I knew I had to take my health seriously, realizing that I was now closer to 30 than I was to 20... and I knew that I didn't want the way I was to be as good as it was gonna get.  (That's a really tough realization, by the way)  Anyway, it was the best thing I could ever have done for myself.  My summer was very much devoted to taking care of myself and learning how to be healthy.

Of course, another week in July was spent at Camp Kulaqua as camp nurse with Allison!  This year was unique as a church had a big outbreak of lice.  But it helped that Holly T was a part of that church, meaning we got to hang out with her a lot!

My sister Hannah and I took a fun trip to Charleston, SC in August with one of her friends.  I came away, wondering how we could have lived so close to such a cool city and I'd never been there before. I still think it's a place I would love to live.

In September I went to Universal Studios for a fun weekend with Bela and her family.  We had just gotten our California licenses at that time, and were working on finding assignments out here.

And in October, I went on another Disney Cruise with Allison!  This was a very last minute plan, and we decided to do it because I was about to be doing travel nursing, and she was about to move to St. Louis.  One last hurrah, if you will.  It was a BLAST!  Less than a week after getting home, I left for the great state of California!  It was a road trip that took all of six days from October 30, ending November 4.  Four days total of driving.  If you've read my blog at all recently, there's not a whole lot else to tell about what's happened since.

Travel nursing has been the right decision, for sure.  I try to see it as an adventure, even if it isn't always the way that I expected it to be.  It's hard to believe we've been out here for two months already... soon it will be time to find another assignment!

2013 was a great one!  Here's to 2014--- hopefully another GREAT year!

life of excitement... or, not

I keep getting on here to give some sort of an update, but every time I just feel like I have nothing to say!  Life has settled into a (very) normal routine here.  And so unless we are on a rare day in SF, there just isn't much to update on that is very exciting.

I've even gone fifteen minutes since writing that paragraph and can't think of anything to say.  So, I'll just go with a really boring, update-you-with-my-mundane-life kind of post.  Gotta satisfy the readers, y'know?  ;)

I feel like I work, eat, and sleep, then do it all again.  That's the cycle my life is in right now, and that's ok.  They have taken to canceling me at least one shift out of each week, but even when they do it doesn't really benefit me much since I have already slept all day long in preparation for work.  So the cycle still feels the same.  They did cancel me tonight, which is of more benefit since I am off tomorrow as well and now have an entire day to do with what I want!  Christmas shopping, it is!

We haven't gone into SF since the last time I posted about it.  It kind of sucks to be in such close proximity to an awesome city like that and not be able to go in very much.  But we have our fingers crossed that maybe Bela will get canceled tomorrow, and if she does we plan on going into the city!  Typically if we get days off together, it's after I've worked all night and have had to sleep a good deal of the day.  So we usually go see movies.  So far we've seen Thor, Ender's Game, Frozen, and Catching Fire (twice).

So my time lately has been spent watching a lot of Netflix or Hulu.  I was excited to find season 7 of Doctor Who on Hulu!  Now I know what I'll be doing tonight!  Since, y'know, I slept all day, drank three cups of coffee, and THEN got canceled.  Ah, the life of a night nurse!  You gotta love it!

Out of the Waiting Place

I remember about a year ago, I happened to pick up Dr. Seuss's book once again, Oh, the Places You'll Go!  I had read it many times before, but not since I was much younger.  And it had never really meant a whole lot to me before that.  But one particular section stood out to me during that time last year whenever I first began to think about travel nursing.  I posted it here.  I remember thinking about that Waiting Place.  Because that Waiting Place was where I was then, and had been for a long time.

Always waiting, for what I never knew.  For things to happen to me, I guess.  Maybe a husband, or a great new job offer, or just for things to "get better" (whatever that means, right?).  And never really doing the things that I wanted to do because I was always hoping for some "aha!" moment, or something to drastically change.  My life was very much the same for quite a long time, and I was frustrated.  I felt I was watching life happen to everyone else.

So here I am, over a year later and I've finally pursued what I really wanted to do.  And yes, it has been really stressful.  But I'd rather be where I am, even if this isn't something I do forever, than sitting and wondering about the things that could be.  I don't want to spend my life just waiting for things to happen to me, but rather making them happen.  Isn't that how you'd rather live?

I have been really stressed, but honestly if I weren't here, I'd just be sitting back home.  Always wondering about all the what-if's and could-have-been's.  Stress and all, this is what I wanted, and I'm so glad I did it.

Finally Seeing SF

Well, tonight it's back to work.  But I've had a good few nights off.  The first day, as it always is with night shift, was spent mostly being lazy in front of the computer with Netflix on.  Yesterday Bela and I decided to drive my car into San Francisco to see the Golden Gate Bridge, and visit Muir Woods to see the Redwood trees!  Definitely one of the coolest experiences I've had yet!

^^^Just driving through SF, I thought all the wires were really interesting.

 ^^^We went to a cool place called Fred's Coffee Shop in Sausalito.  Here is a spinach and feta cheese omelette with potatoes and toast.  Delish!

^^^We went to Muir Woods and got to see the Redwood trees!  Something that has always been on my bucket list, and I'm glad I can cross that off!  I think I'll definitely go back to see them again sometime.  Beautiful.  And so quiet and peaceful. 

^^^We got to see the Golden Gate Bridge!  We walked about half of it, and drove over it as well.  Pretty cool!

We went to a cool coffee shop called Philz Coffee.  Not the greatest service, but I think I had the best coffee I've ever had in my life there.  It was called Philtered Soul.

So, things with work are still pretty stressful.  I'm still really anxious about going in tonight, and have had some interesting and somewhat unpleasant experiences with some of the staff there.  But we are definitely trying to make the most of our days off, and that is honestly what travel nursing is about.  We knew it would be stressful going in... maybe not quite as stressful as it's been.  But we definitely were preparing ourselves for the worst when we started this.  Somehow it has still been more stressful than I expected.  Anyway, after tomorrow night I'll have completed my first full week on my own, and maybe I'll feel better about things then... we shall see.

Settling into Life Here

I've now had two nights on the floor by myself off of orientation.  Things are still hard.  I do feel like I am figuring out the charting, but I am really missing the support system that I'm used to at my old job.  Not to mention I still haven't felt like myself back on the floor.  I know I am a good nurse.  I have been told that by many people, yet since starting out here in California I have just felt really off.  I don't know why, but I just don't feel like the old Nurse Nat when I'm taking care of my patients.  Not that I'm being a bad nurse... I just don't feel like the good nurse I know I am.  I'm hoping I start to feel like my old self soon...

I've been really trying hard to leave the stress of work at work.  I actually had gotten really good at that back home, but out here it just seems to permeate everything.  So, I'm working on that.  Bela and I work mostly opposite schedules, which hasn't helped since often when I'm off she has to work.  We did both have yesterday off, so we took the evening to set up our Wifi (THAT was a whole fiasco in and of itself!) and went out to dinner at Fuddruckers.  We were both craving a good burger.  Since we have been making fires in our apartment most nights cause of the cold, we decided to make s'mores last night.  Delish!  And after FINALLY getting the Wifi set up, we watched Parks and Recreation on Netflix.  Yes, I have gotten Bela addicted to it.  Best show ever!

Here is the delicious s'more I ate last night. 

On my walk this morning, I decided to walk an extra large hill.  The hills here in the Bay Area are killer, but the views are beautiful as a result!  Totally worth it!  Not to mention I'm getting into better shape.  Hadn't been doing too great of a job since traveling out here with my eating or my exercising.  And I just feel like crap when I'm not eating right and exercising.

 There's a part of the trail I walk that I think looks like an enchanted forest.  I took some pictures.

Doesn't that look like it belongs in Narnia?

So overall I would say things are going well.  Of course I'm stressed, but I'm working on that.  I have been a little homesick at times.  Just for familiarity of home.  I never thought I'd miss my home town, but at times I do.  Though I know I will probably never live there again, it will always be home to me.  But I am loving being in a new place also and exploring it.  Tomorrow we plan on taking another trip into SF, this time hopefully to see the Golden Gate Bridge.  The weather has been pretty rainy since yesterday though, so hopefully things will work out.

A little better today...

Things are looking a little brighter today.  I thought that with yesterday's somewhat depressing post, I'd better write another update today so nobody is too worried... ;)

Yes, it is still hard.  Part of why I feel better is I've also been off of work the past two nights.  Tomorrow night I have to go back in and be on my own on the floor.  Honestly, the biggest issue for me there is that I'm completely new to this system of charting.  I'm just not used to it.  The patient care is the same, of course.  But when you can hardly figure out the computer system it just puts you behind on everything else in general, which makes it really hard.  Not to mention the support system just isn't the same for a travel nurse on the floor as it is for a permanent nurse on the floor.

Anyway.  Yes, I've been off today.  Bela had to work tonight, 3-11:30, so I am currently sitting at a coffee shop (Peet's Coffee and Tea... nice to have something besides Starbucks!  Though I do still love Starbucks...) for internet since we still don't have any at the apartment.

I took a really nice walk today.  A couple of days ago on a walk, I decided to go a little bit further and discovered a beautiful park with rolling hills and beautiful views.  Today I decided to walk that park.  Let me tell you, a walk sounds like a nice, leisurely activity, and it was to a point.  But those hills were KILLER!  I've never walked anything like that before unless it was a hiking trip.  Not to mention the weather here is just cold all the time.  By the end my hands were numb and I could barely move them.  I decided that I needed some warm workout clothes (never needed that before), so I found some nice fleece jackets at Ross.  Gonna need to get some gloves too... definitely wasn't expecting this kind of weather in California!

Thankfully, things are looking up today.  I know that's easy to say when I'm relaxing in a coffee shop, and we'll see how I feel tomorrow when I'm walking into work at 2300.  I'm praying for it to be not so overwhelming... we shall see!