We're closing in fast on my triathlon... only 16 days to go!  Motivation ebbs and flows these days, which I am pretty sure is normal.  I have a hard time getting in some of my shorter workouts, (but I'm doing them!) because I am just so ready to be done with this training plan and have my life back.  I have no intentions of quitting running when I am done, but I think I will probably put my bike away for at least a few weeks.  But I don't know.  I think going on a bike ride as part of cross-training (instead of always pushing to be a little faster or grinding up those hills until I can't breathe) is going to be much more enjoyable than what I have been doing.

All in all, training is actually going pretty well.  I talked in my last post about my hope for a break-through with the bike.  I can't actually say I had a break-through, but I felt stronger on my 60-miler yesterday than I have on any other long bike ride so far.  I think part of it is that I haven't let myself skip any of my shorter bike workouts for a couple of weeks, and sometimes it was easy to let those ones fall to the wayside (usually on work days-- sometimes sleep is as important as training).  So yesterday I biked 60 miles.  I think for the first time I actually felt like a cyclist out on the roads.  I felt very comfortable in aero, speeding down the hills was effortless (for the most part... sometimes I still have to slow down a little), and I rode out in traffic like a pro.

The ride didn't start that way, however.  So Spokane has this awesome bike trail called the Centennial Trail.  I'm not sure how far out it goes, but it's at least 60 or 70 miles long, sometimes designated as a bike/running trail only, and connected by roads at other parts until you get to the next portion of the trail.  For instance, probably ten or so miles of yesterday's ride was out on the roads in traffic, although still on the Centennial Trail.

So anyway, in the first mile-- actually, the first half mile of my ride, as I started going up a hill, upon changing gears (using the left/front derailleur... I know better and don't know what I was thinking looking back on it) the chain slipped.  And of course instead of just unclipping my shoes right away and stopping, the fight-or-flight took over and I started pedaling furiously as if that was going to make any difference.  Once my logical side kicked in I knew I needed to unclip, but by this time my bike had pretty much come to a stand-still and next thing I knew I was falling over.  Thankfully I just walked away with a bruised and scraped elbow, but I was so mad I almost turned around and decided to just put off the ride until today.  I didn't, and ended up having a great ride!  It's funny how something so simple as a fall made me want to quit in that moment.  I think just being irritated and then the prospect of SIXTY DAMN MILES to go just made me feel very frustrated.

As far as the new day shift life goes... it is AMAZING!  I can't believe the difference I feel.  I've transitioned so easily to it.  I have been asleep by nine almost every night, I don't generally sleep in, and I just feel great overall.  It is weird to get to about 7:30-8:00 in the evening and realize hey, it's time to start settling in.  I've created somewhat of a bedtime routine, which is nice.  Coming home from work and going to sleep easily and STAYING asleep is just so wonderful.  Incredible what sleep can do for one's quality of life.  Especially for my recovery between workouts.  So much of muscle recovery happens when you sleep.  I was losing out on a lot of that because my sleep was so erratic and short.

Anyway, I feel I have written a novel here, but since I haven't kept up well with my once a week posts, I had some ground to make up for!  Happy Thursday!

After this week, I will no longer be a night nurse.


After five years of working night shift, I am finally making the transition back to days.  I started on nights when I was still a pretty new nurse.  I was young-- 23--and my body made the transition fairly well.  With the exception of a sleepless night here and there, life on nights was pretty awesome for awhile.  In fact, I was sleeping more than I ever had before and I was loving it.


Toward the end of 2014, anxiety and depression weaseled its way into my life, manifesting in extreme insomnia.  Although the anxiety/depression somewhat dissipated, the insomnia never went away.  For a year and a half I lived on restless, broken-up nights and days of sleep.  Never getting more than 3-4 hours at a time, 5 if it was a good night.  The very occasional long night of sleep was never enough to make up for it.  I was on my way to a nervous breakdown if I didn't do something soon.  I describe it as feeling constantly on edge.  Anxious when I went to sleep because I was afraid I wouldn't sleep well.  Anxious when I was awake because I was so beyond exhausted I could barely function.  I was miserable.


I finally caved a couple of months ago and went to the doctor to be put on something to help me sleep.  Nothing strong, but I had tried everything in the book up until that point.  That first night I woke up after eight full hours of sleep was heavenly... I remember feeling better than I had felt in over a year.  Finally I had to make the decision that it's best for my health that I go back to day shift.  Even though I'm now sleeping well at nighttime, in between shifts is still iffy.


I can't do it anymore.  I can't manage switching back and forth.  Even while my sleep is better than it was, I want to feel better all the time, and not just on my days off when I'm on a "day schedule."  I'm tired of trying to stay up late the night before work, getting in a good nap the next day, and then trying to keep myself awake all night that first night back.  I'm tired of having low energy.  It is a tired that cannot be explained.  It is being drained of all energy, legs heavy.


I've known for at least six or seven months that this switch was coming.  I am nervous to make the switch, nervous for a faster-paced environment in a facility in which I am still new.  Here's to new change, and hoping that it will be for the best!

life of excitement... or, not

I keep getting on here to give some sort of an update, but every time I just feel like I have nothing to say!  Life has settled into a (very) normal routine here.  And so unless we are on a rare day in SF, there just isn't much to update on that is very exciting.

I've even gone fifteen minutes since writing that paragraph and can't think of anything to say.  So, I'll just go with a really boring, update-you-with-my-mundane-life kind of post.  Gotta satisfy the readers, y'know?  ;)

I feel like I work, eat, and sleep, then do it all again.  That's the cycle my life is in right now, and that's ok.  They have taken to canceling me at least one shift out of each week, but even when they do it doesn't really benefit me much since I have already slept all day long in preparation for work.  So the cycle still feels the same.  They did cancel me tonight, which is of more benefit since I am off tomorrow as well and now have an entire day to do with what I want!  Christmas shopping, it is!

We haven't gone into SF since the last time I posted about it.  It kind of sucks to be in such close proximity to an awesome city like that and not be able to go in very much.  But we have our fingers crossed that maybe Bela will get canceled tomorrow, and if she does we plan on going into the city!  Typically if we get days off together, it's after I've worked all night and have had to sleep a good deal of the day.  So we usually go see movies.  So far we've seen Thor, Ender's Game, Frozen, and Catching Fire (twice).

So my time lately has been spent watching a lot of Netflix or Hulu.  I was excited to find season 7 of Doctor Who on Hulu!  Now I know what I'll be doing tonight!  Since, y'know, I slept all day, drank three cups of coffee, and THEN got canceled.  Ah, the life of a night nurse!  You gotta love it!

It's amazing how, thanks to Tropical Storm Debby, we can have two extremes of weather in a week's time.  Starting last Sunday, we endured three days of constant rain and flooding in many areas of the county.  For being a tropical storm, quite a lot of damage was done due to how stationary it was.  Thankfully by Wednesday morning, we were simply left with overcast skies and muggy humidity.  Today it's 98 degrees and sunny.

Two tropical storms in a month for Florida... let's keep it at that!  I don't want to see a repeat of 2004.

I slept a good 12 hours last night.  Best night's sleep ever!  I was hoping for another nap this afternoon but it doesn't look like that's going to happen.  I work tonight, and am on kind of a crazy every other schedule for the week.  That is not fun when you work night shift, I'll tell you.  Oh, well.

It's days like this when I don't like working night shift. I have to work tonight, but I can't sleep for the life of me today. I woke up at 9:30 this morning and am almost always able to get in a short nap at some point before work. So far, unsuccessful. Oh well. Just have to get through 12 hours of work and then can come home and sleep, hopefully rested enough to work another two nights.

I got together with a few nursing friends yesterday. Always a good time! I found this dress at Ann Taylor, and I was so excited that it is long on me!! Never, ever, is anything made for height in the clothes department. I imagine most people have to get it hemmed when they buy it, but not me! It's perfect! Anyway, I won't be wearing it for probably at least a few more weeks due to weather being just a tad too cool.

Although on that note, it has been an unusually warm winter, even for Florida. Most days have been highs in the 70s, with even a couple in the 80s. I've found myself wanting to go to the beach. Of course whatever it is 20 miles inland, you can always count on it being 5 degrees cooler on the beach with a breeze. Though I usually enjoy the colder weather, I'm actually ok with the warmth we've been getting.

And here I am, completely exhausted but facing three nights of work. I'm so excited. But thankful that I have a job. I'm just hoping they are manageable nights. I haven't worked three in a row for awhile, and I'm sure I'll remember why once I do it. Roughly 40 hours of work in 72 hours' time is pretty tough. I'm just looking forward to my 5 nights off at the end of the month!

Apparently there was some football game on and I missed it? Oh well.

I spent the best evening reading and listening to music. The best! After I woke up late (5:45) I went to Barnes & Noble to pick up a few books. I've lately really gotten into Nicholas Sparks. Tonight I read The Last Song. So good, but why do his books always have to be so sad? I used to swear I hated Nicholas Sparks until I realized my favorite movies were based on his books. Except The Notebook. I hated both the movie and the book. I think I'm the only person I know with that opinion.

Tomorrow I'm getting together with a few nursing school buddies. We swore back in October we would get together more often, but since we hadn't really seen each other since graduation, four months is good!

I should be going to bed soon, but considering it's barely mid-day according to my inner clock, I'm not tired at all. It's always tough the first night off, especially when I only have two or three off at a time and not really enough time to adjust to being awake during the day. I hate/love that about night shift. Hate it because I don't have much of a life as a result, but love it because I love all the sleep that it affords me. Sometimes I think I love sleeping more than is normal.

Well, good night and hoping for a wonderful week for you.

While YOU were sleeping....

This is the story of two nurses, Natalie and Allison. While this is an exciting and wonderful tale, I also want you to know one thing. This is an atypical night for these two nurses. You see, Natalie came into work that night and found out she was orienting a nurse and only had to take care of one patient. These two nurses, also sisters who live one in Orlando and the other in Jacksonville, worked the same night in different cities. They decided to do a night in pictures. Here, let me tell you about it.

Natalie, waiting for her one patient assignment.

Allison, enjoying the first of a few Diet Cokes.
Diet Coke keeps a nurse sane, you see (or at least these two nurses).

10:30 pm: Natalie enjoying a pizza break.
Breaks don't usually come this early.
They also don't usually involve pizza. Although she wishes they did.

10:30 pm: Allison's view from the nurse's station.
Halloween is around the corner!

Natalie's exact words: An Angel of Mercy
(right?!)

Allison's response? Angel of Terror!
She takes her job very, very seriously.
Patients must feel at ease when this nurse walks in their room.

Midnight: Natalie is getting ready to write her shift reports...

...while Allison is enjoying a refreshing snack of ice cream.

1:30 am: Natalie ventures off the floor...

...for a refreshing beverage!

Allison taking a ride on the elevator that smells like sweaty men.

She has to bladder scan one of her patients.
One of the many exciting things that nurses get to do.

1:45: Natalie pauses to reflect on the night, whilst enjoying a Diet Coke.

This is a nurse who cares, she really does!
She was demonstrating to her sister her reaction upon patients incessantly harassing her for pain medication. Bear in mind the sarcasm.

Allison enjoying-- more Diet Coke?

The night has ended for Natalie.

For Allison, as well.

A sweet kitty greets Natalie at home.

And Allison protects her patients by getting her flu shot.

These nurses sleep during the day, and take care of people during the night. Now they are home safe and sound, relaxing, and resting so that they can take care of people again next week.

Another early morning here for Nat. I decided to do something I rarely do and eat breakfast (on nights, there is no true breakfast/lunch/supper), so I made oatmeal and had a big glass of water with my kitties. Five am breakfast, who could say no? And I still got about five hours of sleep, so I can't complain.

I feel like I should add a disclaimer to that other post on Saturday. I don't truly hate being a nurse, even though maybe it sounded like I do. Talk to many nurses, and the things I say about it are a common thread. It isn't an easy job--it is a very difficult job. It drains me emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and in just about every other way possible. It's sometimes really hard to leave all that at work. When you just took care of a young woman in persistent vegetative state, or got reamed on the phone by a doctor, or spent part of the night crying in the bathroom from being overwhelmed, sometimes it is just really hard to leave it there.

There is a lot of disillusionment into adulthood, as I'm sure everyone else feels at some point. The career one works so hard to achieve is one of them.

In addition to that, I'm truly thankful that I have a job. There are many people who would give anything to work, and I should be more grateful instead of complaining. Again, I have a hard time being unaffected by stress.

It's a blustery day here. We are under the effects of what they call a Nor'Easter. Which I LOVE!!! Have I mentioned that I absolutely LOVE rain, wind, cloudy skies, and cool weather all rolled up into one? Well, I do. I don't know why. Gloomy weather somehow puts me in a really good mood. Perhaps because it gives me the excuse I always want to just chill and stay in for the day. Which as I mentioned last night, I also love doing. Today I may grab a friend and drive to the beach for a walk.

I'm thinking of studying for my certification in med-surg. I always used to say I would do that a year after graduation and the other day one of my work buddies mentioned it. And I remembered that was one of the goals I set for myself and I have yet to follow through. Gosh cause I sure hate studying! But I should do it. It is an expensive exam and there aren't a lot of dates to do it. But there is a possibility in April, giving me months to prepare. Not only that, but it is also about time I get ACLS-certified.

Well, this tired girl may take a little cat nap before facing the day. Starting to feel just a little sleepy.

Just finished three nights of work. I think my favorite thing about working a full-time job is coming home after that last day! It is like a huge burden lifted, and knowing I don't have to go back tonight is the best part. If I want I can sleep until 10 o'clock tonight! (not that I will) It was a pretty good three nights. The kind that kept me on my toes, which I like.

Now I'm watching one of my all-time favorite shows, Boy Meets World. It is cloudy outside with just a drizzle of rain. Absolutely perfect for sleeping all day! Good "night!"

I apparently went to bed way too early last night. Before I drifted off into lala-land, I did hear that the President was going to be speaking. I was just too tired though...

Anyway, good news to wake up to. I had gotten a text from my sister Hannah last night at 11:30, but I rolled over and ignored it. I'm glad I did, because I'm sure I would have woken right up and watched the news for too long. When I checked my facebook this morning, I couldn't believe the amount of victory statuses on there. I realize this is a huge thing, but people need to remember this guy wasn't the only thing we have to worry about. There's still more like him out there.

Did I sleep last night! Honestly one of the best nights of sleep I've had in awhile, even if I did wake up a couple different times (maybe subconsciously, I felt safer with Bin Laden dead?). A full night of uninterrupted sleep is hard to come by for me, but I have to say last night was one of the best I've had in awhile. And I also have to say, there is nothing better than hearing thunder rumbling in the distance while I write this. Just no tornadoes, please.

I can't believe all the tornadoes that have been occurring this spring. Please keep these people in your prayers. One of my patients was just telling me yesterday about someone they knew who was killed in one. So many are affected by this.

I have recently found out that I like country music. I actually always have, but never really listened to it. My sister Hannah has always been a fan, and I used to laugh at her for it, but now we love listening to it together. Ok, I'll never be a die-hard fan, but who doesn't love a little wholesome music about God, their country, and family?

I go back to work tomorrow night, but after a three in a row I'm off for six! Since Hannah is off school, we are trying to make plans to have fun. And can I say, it is awesome how we have become much better friends in the last few months? It's amazing what a few years can do for a friendship with a sister.

It is amazing to me how much I manage to sleep since switching to night shift. I slept until 3 today, and already I am fighting to keep my eyes open and it's only 9:30. I'm not gonna lie, I love sleeping. One of the things I dread about any prospect of motherhood is losing sleep. Don't worry, I was productive today. I grocery shopped and cleaned the kitchen and vacuumed downstairs.

Best investment of the week: Ear plugs. I'm not sure why I didn't buy any until now, but I get much more uninterrupted sleep. I should probably invest in some black-out curtains for my room next. I'm only a little behind.

I didn't get called into work Thursday night, and I was so happy! Through the night I found myself checking my phone to make sure I hadn't missed the call. It was the perfect time, because I really did want to watch the royal wedding. Maybe a little silly, but it isn't every day you get to see something like that. Who doesn't like a princess story? I'm headed to England to find Prince Harry... I just may be the next princess. Oh, that's laughable, isn't it?

I'm way too tired to think of anything to say. Good night.

Though I work night shift now, I do try to keep a day schedule when I get several days off of work. Right now I'm on the first of 6 off- hallelujah! The first several weeks I have tried sleeping at night occasionally using Advil PM- which has benadryl in it. Fine until the morning came, and I was somewhat groggy. Not only that, there were nights it seemed to have the opposite effect and keep me wide awake. So last night I tried Alteril. I've seen the commercials, and was pretty skeptical but I'm open to try what works without being something I'll be dependent on. I fell asleep very quickly, and slept through most of the night.

And I feel fine this morning, which is even better! What is odd is that I had strange and vivid dreams. I dreamed about people and places I haven't thought about in a long time. Random, or caused by taking Alteril, who knows. I think I did sleep deeper than usual, which is probably why. Though I sleep a solid 6 or 7 hours during the day between work, it's never the same as a good night's sleep.

I'm looking into the 2012 Olympics. Tickets are available for the games in mid March. It's hard to get them, and you have to be approved and not everyone can even buy them because there are only a limited amount available. I don't know, it seems fun, and they are in London, so why not? I just need someone to go with... can't go to London by myself! It's a year and a half away, so who knows? Annd... it is highly, highly likely I won't go but it's kind of fun to think about it. Either way, there's nothing like watching it on TV, hosted by Bob Costas and hearing the NBC Olympic theme music. Ahh, I'm getting myself pumped up already!

And so, it's lazy Friday (wake up in the afternoon!) here at the town house. Don't think I'll be accomplishing much of anything, and I'm ok with that. After the week of work I had, hey, it's ok to laze around a bit not doing much of anything.

This is me right now.
See the sun peeking through the blinds?
I'm too tired even to enjoy that.
Ah... maybe in a few hours.

Kids don't like me. They never really have. I've never had a natural ability to get on kids' levels, play with them, be one of them. Part of it is, I'm rather tall and large, so probably a bit intimidating on first impression to a little kid. I also don't have a bubbly demeanor, which is something that kids tend to be drawn to. There have been the exceptions, of course. I've rarely been the one depended on as anything other than the "last-ditch effort to get a babysitter," but twice in high school I was someone's main babysitter. I'll never forget those three little girls I babysat my sophomore year. Sometimes I wonder about them now. They moved after about a year. The oldest would be 13 or so now, I think. The other one, I'll never forget either, because she was the unruliest child ever and impossible to control without the use of marshmallows as incentive.

Here is one of the exceptions, my little cousin Claudia. Of course, she is as easygoing as a baby can be, and will take to anyone, but still it feels good to pick up a baby and not have her cry!


So, night shift is kicking my butt right now in the form of my biological clock being all out of whack. I slept until 12:30 today. It is now 1:15 am, and I'm not tired at all. Supposedly it's supposed to get easier after a few weeks, so we'll see. Another problem I'm running into, is being hungry at all of the oddest hours. Ugh! Hopefully this new change won't see me gaining weight.

Hopefully I'll soon get used to this new schedule. Back on Thursday, then we'll see how next week fares.

Being a night nurse?

It rocks! It rocks my socks off! Seriously, why didn't I do this before? Crazy-ville until midnight, and between 12 am and 5 am, nothing happens! I can't believe while all this time I've been stressed to the max at work, there night shift was, within my reach and I didn't even know it.

I feel like night shift is nursing's best kept secret. I used to feel sorry for our night shift nurses, like they got jipped when they were hired. Little did I know... their job is approximately sixteen thousand times easier. Add to that the pay is higher: it's win-win!

Granted, I'm tired. Like, really tired. I went to Sunday school this morning, and after that went back to my parents' house for a 4 hour nap before coming home. Slept until 4, and now I'm home and already in bed. So we'll see how things go on that end of the spectrum. For now, I absolutely think I'm going to make this change permanent.

In other news, there isn't much to report. It's a cold week in January for Florida. So I'm kind of enjoying that. Had to turn the heat on tonight. Well, good night!

Thanksgiving was good. Black Friday this morning, even better. However, 1.25 hours of sleep last night, and 2 naps later, I'm now wide awake at 1215 am.

I'm moving to night shift in January. Well, for sure I'm doing a 4-week trial and then will decide if I want to stay or go back to days. I'm afraid this is how I'm going to feel all the time though. I have felt groggy and headachy all day today.

And so, today's purchases? A Dyson vacuum cleaner, Wii Fit Plus, and couple of DVDs.

I will try to sleep now, and hope I feel better by tomorrow.