Yesterday one of my old friends posted this picture. I couldn't believe it when I saw it. First of all, for me to dress that nicely even for church, was a rare thing so I don't have a lot of pictures of myself outside of t-shirts and jeans from those days. So I generally remember myself as a frumpy, plain Jane who thought she was fat.

When I saw this picture, I thought to myself that I never remember looking like that. I'm not saying I was any rare beauty or anything like that. But I never dared hope I could be pretty. It just makes me a little sad to think of the awful things I thought of myself. And how, even then, I didn't like to stand out. Though it was partially due to having no money, I rarely felt it was worth looking nice or pretty. Who would look twice at me anyway? But I actually COULD look pretty, little did I know.

I definitely have a much-improved sense of fashion and self worth since those days. And though I only slightly resemble that slender, youthful girl, I am going to talk to myself like the beautiful woman that I am. A lifetime of comparing yourself to others, hating your body, and thinking horrible thoughts does no good.

And who knows, 10 years from now I'll probably be looking at a picture of myself now and wish I could go back to looking like this. I'd like to embrace each stage of life, not wishing to go back to another and I'm going to start learning to do that today. But I still like this picture.

2013

2013 is here. Every year we do it. We look back on the past year and re-evaluate everything. What did I accomplish last year? What do I want to accomplish this year? We make goals, which are often never met. I know for me, I look for what has defined the year. When I look back on 2012, what will I remember?

2012 has been a year in which I've essentially been on my own. Of my own choice, because I've spent much of it re-evaluating myself and who I am, why I do the things I do and say the things I say, what I believe, etc. it's been a selfish quest, yes, but that's not something I fool myself about. I'm in what many people would consider to be an awfully selfish place. But you know what? I've decided now is a better time than ever to be selfish. You can't be selfish with others depending on you financially or emotionally. You do that, and hurt them. Thank God it's just me right now. If I fail no one's going down with me.

I'm very optimistic about 2013. I've made some resolutions but decided not to share them. Only that I hope this year is defined by peace and growth. I think this will be a good year.