I love coffee.

That's probably a gross understatement. I didn't realize it until last week, I have become a collector of mugs. Just about anytime I travel anywhere (or take a trip to Disney... teehee) I buy a mug to add to my collection. I've never really thought twice about it, but now I have a collection of mugs each with a story behind it.

This is my most recent acquisition from last week's Disney adventure. It is a 40th anniversary mug. Celebrating 40 years of magic!

And this one is from my trip to DC in October/November. On the other side it says, "...the favorite drink of the civilized world." -Thomas Jefferson to Edmund Rogers February 14, 1824.
I tend to agree.

I am now off work for a couple of days. And I'm glad to say that I have adjusted quite well to the new hours. The trick is to just take maybe a 4 or 5 hour nap after your last day of work, then stay awake until that night. I did wake up once at 5 am today, but went right back to sleep until 8 am. :) I'm so much happier with this new arrangement. I mean, yeah, some nights are still pretty crappy. I wanted to pull my hair out the other night, and spent half of it in tears because it was so terrible.

Last night our church had the dedication service for our new gym building. It was pretty neat. It's got a big gym, and on one side of it is the youth center (pretty impressive... I'm thinking, why didn't they have that when I was in the youth group?) and the other side some new classrooms for the school. It was thanks to the contributions of an elderly couple that this building was able to finally be finished, after sitting half-way done for several years. Times have been hard for everyone, including the church. Pastor Rod preached for the dedication of it, since it is named after him. It was wonderful having him back for the evening. I didn't realize how much I missed him. But it's time to move Pinewood on into the next generation. I need to find ways to be more involved. Instead of complaining that a church doesn't minister to me enough, I need to become proactive myself to minister to others.

Saw this facebook status today: "___ thinks that perhaps the people who complain the most, are actually suffering the least." I thought, wow! That is so true! I have to say, that I'm included in this myself, because I tend to be a complainer. It does seem that those who have the most difficult of circumstances don't feel the need to complain and rub it in others' faces (though there are the exceptions to that) but when some of us break a nail or someone says something mean to us, we feel the need to complain and let the world know just how "miserable" we are. Have you ever read my blog? It is full of complaints! That's got to stop. For one thing, my job may suck, but I have a job!!

Here's to a good week for all of us!

Nothing like a little Disney to soothe a sad heart.

I decided Sunday I was going to go to Orlando on Monday for a day of Disney. Allison, of course joined me, as is the usual. Sunday night before bed, I watched Mary Poppins, one of my favoritest of movies! I'm telling you, if you are ever feeling down, that movie is the one to watch. Nothing like a little steppin' time to cheer you up.

Disney was good. Magic Kingdom was super crowded, so we spent some time in Epcot as well. We only went on 2 rides- Pirates and Space Mountain. Two favorites, for sure!

My Disney pass expires in March. I have to say, it was one of the best investments I ever made. Granted, I didn't use it much the last few months, mainly because I've been so busy and mine and Allison's schedules haven't ever seemed to coordinate. But it really was great all year to have the option of going to Disney on a few days off. It was something to look forward to when times got stressful. I suppose there are no solutions found when you leave behind the stresses of life, but it still is wonderful to have that time.

I don't know if I will renew when my pass expires, but I know that it has been a fun year having that pass. If you ever want to go to Disney, hit me up, cause I'm always game for a day of magical fun!

I make myself so mad when I oversleep. I had my alarm set for 8:00 am today, and definitely don't even remember hearing it go off. Then I woke up at 10:50 really mad. Oh, well. I'm all showered and clean now, and I do feel really rested. Yesterday I woke up at 9:30 (after having woken up at 4:30 unable to sleep for about 3 hours) and ended up taking a nap from 12:00-4:30. The trend in my life lately-->sleep! Not so bad though, I love sleeping. It just takes away from life. I once heard most people sleep away 30 years of their lives by the time they die.

Sunday was a pretty good day. I came home from work, slept about 5 hours until about 1:00 (see, more sleep) and went to a cute little restaurant near Riverside with my roommate and some friends called Biscotti. It was fun (and had the BEST desserts ever!). It's probably the first social "thing" I've done in weeks. I feel like I'm continuously apologizing to people for being a zombie, or spacey, etc, the last couple months. Even before I switched to nights, I was having trouble regulating a sleep schedule and often found myself feeling this way.

I think I am going to stick with night shift. My boss put me on it for another month to give me time to decide. Otherwise I would've gotten a week to decide, and if you had asked me last week I might have told you that no, I wasn't going to do it. However, it really is much better than days, and I'm finding the team at night is a lot of fun to work with (initially I was really nervous about working with a whole new team). I go back in tomorrow for another 3, then I have 5 nights off! What to do with all that time?

A movie I watched, finally, for the first time last night- Sixth Sense. And honestly, I didn't really think it was that scary. And I get scared really easily. I always thought according to the way people talked, that it was one of the scariest movie of the 90s. Anyway, I thought it was good, and mostly just kind of suspenseful, and a little creepy at times.

I'm hoping I can get through today without taking a long nap. So far I feel pretty good-- we'll see.

I read today in a magazine: "Curly hair shows an air of mystery and a lot of spunk."

Ha! I'd like to think that describes me, but it doesn't. Mainly I'm just a boring, quiet girl. And that's ok. I do boring all right.

Something I have recently discovered about myself: I don't have a lot of friends, and I'm ok with that. I'm ok with being Nat, the same old Nat I was 10 years ago except now I have the little letters RN behind my name, 4 years of college behind me, 1 and 1/2 years of nursing. Still a somewhat bratty little sister when you pair me with my oldest Melissa, and still a bossy know-it-all when you pair me with my little sister Hannah. I'd like to think that I've changed and grown up a lot, and while I have, I am finding myself more and more in tune with my roots and all that my parents taught me. Yes, even my mom's strict rules and standards. They seem to follow me around everywhere I go.

If you had asked me 2 years ago, or even 1 year ago, I would have told you I was ready to get the heck out of Dodge-- Dodge being Florida. More and more I'm realizing how much I want to be around my parents more and more. More and more I'm finding that they shaped me in great ways, and I carry it with me always.

Silly little sayings like, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Do you know how many times that once-thought-stupid saying comes into my mind in every day life? Another one she used to say, before we would leave for a friend's house, or camp, or just an evening activity away from home, and resonates with me always:

"Remember who you belong to."

That person being, of course, Jesus Christ. I used to get so annoyed when she would say that. Ok, Mom, got it. I know I belong to God. But now, that is something I carry not just to a party, or a trip away from home, but everywhere. She told that to us, in order that we would remember we were precious children of God's, and to conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of that.

I could probably give you an entire list of those sayings my mom used to tell us. Some of them I learned came from her own father. I suppose I'll probably turn out to be just like my own mom- a woman with high standards, high expectations, and high morals. I know I have a long ways to go to get there. I think I'm way too selfish right now to be in any way compared to my mom, but I'll tell you something I'm proud of: the fact that when people who know my mom meet me, they immediately say: "I knew you belonged to Kathy." And someday, I hope it isn't just my mom's looks that get me those compliments, but my conduct.

I didn't really mean for this post to be all about my mom, but I suppose lately she's been on my mind a lot and I've found myself more and more thankful every day that she's mine. The thing about my mom is, she loves me even when I'm terribly unloving. I hate to sound cliche, but my mom is such an example of Christ's love in my life. And I thank God for that.

Kids don't like me. They never really have. I've never had a natural ability to get on kids' levels, play with them, be one of them. Part of it is, I'm rather tall and large, so probably a bit intimidating on first impression to a little kid. I also don't have a bubbly demeanor, which is something that kids tend to be drawn to. There have been the exceptions, of course. I've rarely been the one depended on as anything other than the "last-ditch effort to get a babysitter," but twice in high school I was someone's main babysitter. I'll never forget those three little girls I babysat my sophomore year. Sometimes I wonder about them now. They moved after about a year. The oldest would be 13 or so now, I think. The other one, I'll never forget either, because she was the unruliest child ever and impossible to control without the use of marshmallows as incentive.

Here is one of the exceptions, my little cousin Claudia. Of course, she is as easygoing as a baby can be, and will take to anyone, but still it feels good to pick up a baby and not have her cry!


So, night shift is kicking my butt right now in the form of my biological clock being all out of whack. I slept until 12:30 today. It is now 1:15 am, and I'm not tired at all. Supposedly it's supposed to get easier after a few weeks, so we'll see. Another problem I'm running into, is being hungry at all of the oddest hours. Ugh! Hopefully this new change won't see me gaining weight.

Hopefully I'll soon get used to this new schedule. Back on Thursday, then we'll see how next week fares.

Being a night nurse?

It rocks! It rocks my socks off! Seriously, why didn't I do this before? Crazy-ville until midnight, and between 12 am and 5 am, nothing happens! I can't believe while all this time I've been stressed to the max at work, there night shift was, within my reach and I didn't even know it.

I feel like night shift is nursing's best kept secret. I used to feel sorry for our night shift nurses, like they got jipped when they were hired. Little did I know... their job is approximately sixteen thousand times easier. Add to that the pay is higher: it's win-win!

Granted, I'm tired. Like, really tired. I went to Sunday school this morning, and after that went back to my parents' house for a 4 hour nap before coming home. Slept until 4, and now I'm home and already in bed. So we'll see how things go on that end of the spectrum. For now, I absolutely think I'm going to make this change permanent.

In other news, there isn't much to report. It's a cold week in January for Florida. So I'm kind of enjoying that. Had to turn the heat on tonight. Well, good night!

Family picture at Grandpa's service

On Christmas Eve, it snowed!
First White Christmas in 8 years for me!

Sitting around the fire on Christmas day

At the Moores' for our grand gift exchange
The participants of this years' exchange

Just a few pictures from our trip over Christmas. It was absolutely wonderful. Bittersweet, of course, but still wonderful. We did get a white Christmas, which you know I absolutely LOVED! Always dreaming of a white Christmas, this girl is.

It was hard coming home, but jumping right back into work the next day actually helped. I didn't feel like my mind was still on vacation. It was a rotten 3 days of work, but it at least got me back into a routine at home.

I go to night shift this week. A little nervous, a little excited. We'll see how it goes!

"Do not say, 'Why were the old days better than these?' For it is not wise to ask such questions."
-Ecclesiastes 7:10

It blew my mind when I first read that verse a few months ago. I've always shied away from Ecclesiastes because I thought it was a weird Book (kind of still do). I remember though, Mr. Zepp talking about that in Sunday school last summer, and realizing I had never even read it.

It blew my mind, because I struggle with being a person who hates, I mean HATES change that takes away anything that I deem to be good. I could honestly sit for hours poring over old pictures, memories, talking about the "good old days." Because I am never quite content where I'm at in life. I always seem to believe I was better off last year, or 2 years ago, etc, that I was much happier at that time (when in reality if I were to be honest, it wasn't always that great- still struggled with much of the same discontentment then as well).

I feel as though ever since my grandfather died last month, I've been stuck in this rut of not wanting to move forward. I want to think about him all the time, I want to think of the wonderful past. I'm afraid if I move forward, I will forget him, I will no longer miss him. Even holding on to the pain of his absence is part of that.

I am sad that all of my sisters and I no longer live near each other. I'm sad my family is all growing up and moving on into the next phase of our lives. It isn't as if I want to remain young forever, but I want things to stay the same forever. I want to be happy like I was when I was younger, and I can't trust God for the next phase of life. I can't trust that He will carry me through it, that He has plans for me that are greater than any I could conjure up for myself. Sometimes I am paralyzed by the fears of my parents growing old and not being here for me anymore. I want to hold onto everything I hold near and dear, and never let go.

The thought of the future is a burden too heavy for me to bear at this time in my life. A future that is uncertain. I'm in a place right now where I hate my job, I hate where my life is, I want things that I don't have. Yet I don't want to move forward. I'm one contradiction after another. I hold on to this bitterness, that God is holding out marvelous blessings on me, and yet He knows what is good for me now. What is good for me today, might not be good for me in 10 years. Will I look back on this time in my life as a time that was fruitful, or as a time that I wasted away my younger years in anger and sadness and loneliness, never lifting my eyes to behold all that was glorious and beautiful around me-- the wonderful family God has given me, the old friendships that He has sustained within my life, the ability to bless those around me.

At work yesterday, I had this sudden sickening thought: What if I don't get married, and I don't have kids, and I'm stuck in this horrible job for the rest of my life--- being a working woman for the rest of my miserable life. It's selfish and petty, I know, but I really thought it and still think it. Because right now, I feel like between work and singleness, I am living a miserable existence.

This weekend, I took care of a dying woman, who knows her days are numbered on this earth. She laid in her hospital bed, alone, moaning, gasping for breath, and nobody, not even me, could help her. In the busyness of my day, I finally took the time to sit and speak with her. I didn't worry that I had charting to do before the end of my shift, I sad down by her bed and spoke with her, listened to her. I don't know if I was even a blessing in her life, if I made any impact whatsoever to her, but I hope I was. God has given me such a ministry and ability to bless those hurting around me. I waste it.

Well, this post seems to have had no point, no loose ends tied, but it has helped me to simply think and write about it. Today, how can I be a blessing to somebody. Instead of thinking in terms of the year, I need to wake up every day and live intentionally. Not make big unattainable resolutions, but live day-to-day to its fullest. And sometimes I will fail, but I am going to try.