Time for another update

I don't update this blog as much as I used to. Life is very ordinary and mundane from day to day, and I just don't have much to say, even now. And since Saturday seems to have consistently been my day to update, here I am.

I am trying to find motivation to get back into exercising. It seems that every couple of months I look in the mirror and nothing has changed from the last time I made that promise to be healthy. I never last more than a couple of weeks on a healthy kick. Believe me, I'm not one to diet. But when I resolve to be healthy, it just doesn't last and I can't figure out how to find something that works for me. And regular exercise? Forget finding time for that! I do it when I can, but then along comes two weeks of quizzes and midterms, leaving time for little else besides the library. Maybe I have it all wrong. My ultimate goal in making these promises to myself is typically because I want to have that "model body," not because I want to be truly healthy. I realize that eating processed foods sets me up for gaining weight in the long run, along with other health risks like colon cancer. I know that I'm setting myself up for having a high cholesterol when I eat foods high in fat, and my salty cravings will result in hypertension. But all of that is so... long term. I know these things, but I can't really believe that I need to worry about them NOW. It's frustrating!

Watching the news on healthcare, and wondering where it's going to go in this country. I'm really worried. I'm thankful that despite the economy I will be able to find a job, but quite frankly it scares the hell out of me to think of working for a socialized (or universal, or whatever you want to call it) system. Not that I think the system we have now is great.

I've been working on the book Guilty by Ann Coulter. It's been a good read, and she has a lot of good things to say. I wish more conservatives would speak out like she does, even if she can be somewhat of a jerk. But at the same time I'm absolutely sick of politics, left and right, blah blah blah. Everybody should just agree with me! (kidding)

OB clinical starts on Monday. I have two days this week, which should be interesting. Most weeks we will be going for two days. I will be in labor and delivery first day. What a way to kick off OB! I have never watched a delivery before so I'm a little nervous about how I will handle it. I'll let you know how it goes. Until then, have a great week!

Half-way There

I have hit the half-way mark for the spring semester. Midterms are over, and I'm happy. This semester is a whole different world compared to last. I have enjoyed pediatrics so much, I'm almost sad to be moving on- even if it's OB! I think OB has been the rotation I have looked forward to the most throughout this program, and yet I've ended up loving pediatrics the best. My hope is to do my fifth semester preceptor-ship in peds. We'll see. The next 7 weeks, however, are to be devoted to OB.

And now that midterms are over, I am really starting to see how CLOSE I am to the end. I can hardly believe I have made it over half-way through nursing school. I never, never hoped I could make it. Yes, there is still a long hard road ahead, but God has brought me through so much already. In fact, now that I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm starting to get scared of the "real world." As stressful as school is, there is something very comforting and familiar in it. Yes I'm ready to be done, but I think I will find myself missing it too. But God has brought me this far, and He will be with me the rest of the way. :)

Happy Valentines, Folks!

Those pictures are from a poster presentation put on by health students at school. Blogger is being silly and I can't put captions on because it looks like a bunch of symbols until I can actually publish it (does anybody know why?). But it's just me having fun with my friends- fun amidst a somewhat stressful week, which is always welcome!

I have not gotten the studying done today that I anticipated. It seems the evening has me in somewhat of a slump- not depression, but just that "blah" feeling of not wanting to do anything. Not good when it happens midterms week, but tomorrow I will be better. I think I will spend the evening at the library.

I've still been trying out CFC, and Bela is coming with me tomorrow! So, no awkwardness! Ha! Seriously though, how does one actually get involved in a church? It is so dang intimidating! I can completely see why people don't like church.

Have you ever been to the beach at night? It is downright SCARY. I went last night with Bela and did not expect it to be so dark! I tell you, it is pitch black! We parked by most of the bars and clubs down there, so there was the light from that. The night life is so fascinating to me. I have never been one to live that life, and I find it unfathomable that people can do it every weekend. Heck, I'm usually asleep by ten o'clock on Friday! Talk about lame, I'm not even out of college yet. Isn't that not supposed to happen until you're 30?

Oh, and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! It's a great day to be alive- I'm single and I think I can say I have gotten beyond feeling sorry for myself and to the point where I can look at it as a good thing. Melissa once pointed out to me many things I can do that a tied down/married person/mom can't do: I can go wherever I want, whenever I want (within reasonable limits of course). I have a lot of spare time to read or simply enjoy a quiet evening watching tv. I am in a position of moving into a great career (now if I'd just buckle down and STUDY!), and I will be able to move anywhere and not be tied down. I can be independent. Lastly, something I just thought of, I'm extremely selfish. Honestly, I think I'm too selfish to have a relationship because I would make it "all about me." She also told me marriage won't whisk away my problems, and she is right. I'm going to enjoy life- I'm going to love it- and I'm going to do my best to glorify God in it, married or single. And do you know what? It is ok if I am single for the rest of my life. I'm not going to say that's what I want. Yes, I want to get married. I want to so much! I pray to God that He will bring someone into my life, but He might not. Elisabeth Elliot wrote in her journals as a young woman that perhaps "the Lord wants me only for Himself." We'll see. In the meantime, I'm going to live my life for Him and enjoy it. What else can I do?

Snapshots into my life

Monday

Busy day, big headache, not enough sleep. I will be so happy when I'm graduated and don't have deadlines and exams looming over my head all the time. :) Less than six months to go- gotta keep going!

Midterms- yikes!!

Midterms are in less than two weeks. They completely sneaked up on me! Time has flown faster this semester than any other. I can hardly believe we are a month into it- I will be graduating in less than six months! That is beyond scary.

So the next two weeks will be nothing but studying. At least I enjoy studying this a lot more than last semester. It isn't as stressful. But we'll see when the midterms are over how I'm feeling.

I am one of those people who is not a fan of "Christian cliches," (and by that I'm talking about the commonly used spiritual phrases we use without even meaning it) although I use them myself at times. When I am among a group of Christians and phrases like "Praise the Lord" and "God is good" and "The Lord will provide" are thrown around in conversation, almost meaninglessly at times, I get frustrated.

I recently heard somebody say, very sincerely, that they want people to see Jesus Christ as their only source of joy. Initially I felt somewhat smug when she said that. I thought to myself, "How in the world do you prove to me that Christ is your ultimate source of joy- you have everything! A great personality, a fiance, you're beautiful, etc..." (and a disclaimer... almost everyone I know is engaged, so this does not automatically narrow down who this friend was, as this is not intended to be gossip). Until I realized, is Christ really MY ultimate source of joy? How do we show people that? Is joy only an outward sign of happiness? Is it pasting a smile on your face, pretending to be happy when you're not? What is it?

In America (or anywhere really for that matter), how do we show people that Christ is our life? How do we show them that He is enough? How are people going to believe us, when we have just as much materially as the rest of them- nice cars, a nice house, ipods, TV's, designer clothes, etc... I could go on and on with that list. There is a video on youtube by John Piper, and in it he says that never will you hear somebody say "Christ is enough because I drive a BMW!" How do we really show that Christ is enough, when seemingly our lives are perfect because of what we have? Yes, there are people with all of those things that are inwardly suffering, but really, how do we look any different than the rest of the world.

This is not a bashing of material items or of wealth. I feel torn because I do look forward to the day I can live in a nice house of my own, drive a nice car, etc... And yet I know that those will be my source of happiness.

What makes me the most angry in life? I get mad when you take away my comforts. Someone finished the last soda in the fridge- I practically throw a fit. I get grouchy when I don't have enough money to spend when I'm out shopping. When I look in the mirror and don't see the perfect body, then I get really mad and think life is unfair. A great example- recently this week I thought my computer had broken, and I honestly convinced myself that day just couldn't get any worse. Because of my computer.

Christ is not my ultimate source of joy. I have proven it by my attitude every single day. No, if I am honest with myself and with others, my joy comes from the people around me and from the things that I have. I'm not happy when the bank account is low. I'm angry when the scale goes up a few pounds. I don't get my few hours to relax in a day, and I'm grumpy. Nope, I think I have proven to those around me (and most of all to myself) that my source of joy is in worldly things.

So where do we draw the line? When is enough enough? Is it wrong therefore to have a lot of possessions? I don't know. David was a rich king, yet we always call him the "man after God's own heart." Abraham was God's friend, but he had much wealth. But how did these men find that "balance?" How do you have many worldly possessions and not cling to them tightly like I do? Jesus even said that it was "easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" (Mark 10:24). If I were that rich young ruler, would I have responded in the same way? We often read that verse and rationalize that Jesus really just meant that man had to follow Him first, yet that man was still refusing to sell his possessions for Christ! I would have done the same thing! What does that say about the condition of my heart right now?

I used to read that passage, and would wonder why in the world that man did not want to follow Jesus. All he had to do was sell his possessions! "At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth" (10:22). Yet, I think that if Christ were to come to me today and command me to do the same, the same would possibly be said of me. I love my worldly possession. I love to have fun. I love to be ambitious and dream of the future. Not that these things are wrong in and of themselves, but I put them above Christ. They are my idols.

Any insight would be appreciated.