First night I flew in I got to meet my new baby cousin, Alex!

While Melissa was at work, I drove into Grafton for something to do.  A very small, cute town on the Mississippi River.  Saturday night we went to one of the wineries there as well.

The Great River Road

I'm writing from the great state of Illinois!  I flew into St. Louis last night and got to go straight to my aunt and uncle's and meet my new little cousin, Alex.  Greg and Maria are in town also this weekend, as well as a few other cousins so I thought why not come up also?  Hoping for it to be a good weekend.  I'm happy to be with family.

I got to see my grandparents' memorial today for the first time.  They originally had told us they didn't want a headstone, but because they had purchased a plot many years ago we decided that we needed a place to remember them.  It is next to my grandma's parents headstone.  I just sat there thinking about them, talking to them, and crying.  It was so good.  I have already dealt with their loss, but sometimes it helps to cry and just remember.  I feel refreshed after that visit, almost like they were there with me.

Good to get away.  I need to get away more.

Day three and going strong!  I woke up yesterday morning and decided why not go to the beach and walk?  I live 15 minutes away and rarely take advantage of that opportunity.  Though I didn't wake up early enough to see the sunrise, morning is still the most beautiful time because of the east-facing coast.  I went again today.  Baby steps... that's what it is.  I bought a Jillian work-out dvd on the way home.  Not her super intense 30-day shred, but a milder one.  I only made it about half-way through.  So I decided if that's all I could do, it's better than I was doing before.  I'll just slowly work my way up.

I'm still watching Olympics... though not as much as before.  Most of the sports playing now aren't really my favorite.  Has anyone watched synchronized swimming?  I don't doubt that those ladies are in super excellent shape... but it is kind of funny.  And I wonder how it got to be an Olympic sport?  Maybe people said that about figure skating once upon a time... but the synchronized swimmers make it so funny that you can hardly take them seriously.  Anyway, they're doing better than I am, I guess, so who am I to criticize?

I'm feeling better today and determined to keep this up.  And on that note, I still think I look pretty awesome despite what I was told a few nights ago.  I just want to look awesome-er as well as feel awesome-er!

Change- It Starts with Action

I got canceled at work tonight, so I decided that I needed to go on a grocery trip.  It was a somewhat pricey one, and I need to figure out how to shop a little smarter in the future.  It was overwhelming enough tonight simply trying to find only healthy foods that I can stomach.  My grocery shopping habits tend to be, "What looks good?  Ok, I'll buy that today."  So today I mostly bought fresh, and the only meat I got was turkey for sandwiches for work.

Tonight as I was shopping I was looking for quinoa.  I texted my sister Hannah (in a nutrition program at college) and asked her where I could even find quinoa.  Then told her I bet she thought I'd never ask that.  She has already offered to help me with anything that is healthy and good for me-- already explaining that quinoa is high in protein and iron, low in sodium, and works as a substitute for rice.  Maybe Hannah can specialize in making healthy food that normal people like to eat-- I'd be a good guinea pig for stuff like that!

Weight Watchers online is actually an incredibly great resource.  It has gotten a lot better since I did it three years ago!  If anyone wants to join me... I'd love to have a partner to hold me accountable!

I have come up with my weight goal, but decided that if I reach a point where I love the way I look and feel, I will simply go to maintaining.  I really don't want to be a tiny, skinny thing.  Mostly I just want to be toned but keeping my curves... we'll see.  I doubt one can really have the best of both worlds.

I know it's the first day... and that when you first decide to do something you can quickly lose motivation.  Right now I'm determined that no one else will make a rude comment regarding my weight again.  But I know it's about more than that.  That was something that made me realize that I wasn't taking care of myself, and it's starting to show.  I don't want to give up on this.  It's something I'm doing for me, and no one else

Wish me luck!

Change

At work last night a very blunt co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you gaining weight?  You look like you are gaining weight."

I have joined weight watchers again.  It hit me when I looked in the mirror... though I don't want to be skinny, I am not the healthy woman that I once was.  I am determined to take better care of myself.  I have accepted that I am the over-looked, chubby but still confident girl, and I won't do that anymore.

I realize I've said a lot of stuff about accepting myself and loving myself and that is still true for me.  I still look in the mirror and see something that I like, but I know that it just isn't the best I can be when I am not healthy.

I am posting this so that I am accountable.  I want to continue to love myself but to do it better.  I have been doing myself a disservice for the rest of my life by not taking care of my health.  That ends today.  I know it won't be perfect.  I know I work nights, and it's going to be extra hard because of that.

I've seen dieting done the wrong way.  I have never watched somebody diet and exercise the right way.  Not once.  With great fear I am starting this, because I don't want to become somebody who is obsessed and preoccupied with food.  I want to be the best Nat that I can be.

The thing is, I'm still within the healthy weight range... but pushing the limits and I'm ready to change that.  Ready to look my best and feel my best.

Olympics!!  I've had a BLAST this week watching them!  I got call for work on Tuesday night which freed me to watch the women's gymnastics team take the gold.  Tonight I got to watch Michael Phelps' last race.  It was sad.  I remember being 17 and thinking he was, like, soooo hot at the Athens Olympics.  I still think he'll be back in four years.  I don't believe he is done.  But we'll see.  Anyway, Ryan Lochte is my new love.  (have you SEEN him?!)  He may be an arrogant ass with a stupid grill... but I just can't get enough of him.  Gabby Douglas did amazing tonight in the all-round!  What a sweet girl with a beautiful smile.  Glad to see an American take it, and do so as graciously as she did.

I feel like the Olympics are over because my favorite events are winding down.  But there is still more men's gymnastics to come (amazing!) and I do enjoy track and field.  I'm still gonna enjoy every last bit of it that I can.

Anyway... sad to say that not much has been going on the last few days other than work and Olympics.  I honestly have been spending most of my time off watching them.  (Lame, I know)  More work the next couple weeks before going up north to visit family for a weekend.  My uncle is turning 60 and I thought it would be fun to join in on the celebration with everyone.

I'm off tomorrow and back to work on Saturday.  I'm pooped from work this week... time for some rest.