Still Sick

Today's problem is an ear infection! Hurrah! This is so weird. Seriously, I rarely get sick. Especially sick enough to keep me home for four days (bordering on five if I don't get better before work tomorrow). I am beyond annoyed. I was awake almost 2 hours in the middle of the night with an earache and sinus headache combined. But it actually wasn't terrible, because Home Improvement (one of my favorite shows) was on from 4:00-5:00, and the Cosby Show (another all-time favorite) was on from 5:00-6:00. I have started antibiotics, which should get me feeling better before long. It looks like I've finally gotten over the sore throat, and most of the coughing, but like I said, it has now settled in my ear and my sinuses.

I realized today, that the last three times (including this one) that I have been sick, I have been pretty sick. Colds used to be something of a nuisance to me, and no more. However, senior year of college Thanksgiving: sick for 8 days, completely lost my voice, was miserable for a few of those days. August 2009 just after graduation: 6 weeks of a terrible cough, difficulty breathing, turned out to be bronchitis. And now this. Nothing else in between however. I seem to do a pretty good job avoiding everything else that goes around, while randomly picking up something stupid in between. Hm, maybe I need to re-think telling people I don't get sick. Looks like I do. But I say that because usually when everybody I know catches something, I'm the one who doesn't.

I started watching the show 30 Rock on Netflix today. Pretty good. Last night's movie was 10 Things I Hate About You. I saw some of it when I was in early high school, but was never into it really. But considering Heath Ledger is in it, I decided I need to see it. It's also my oldest sister Melissa's favorite high school movie.

I sure hope that this earthquake in Chile does not cause tsunamis. That's really scary how they are putting warnings out to everyone in the ring of fire! Just another reason why the west coast is not a place I could live. Earthquakes and volcanoes scare the daylights out of me. Instead I live in Florida where we get hurricanes. But at least with hurricanes you get warning and know somewhat what to expect.

I'm sorry for this very random, very long, and very boring post. You have no idea how bored I have been. Literally all I have done the last 3.5 days is sleep, lay around, watch TV, watch movies, sleep, etc. Don't ask why I'm saying this, but I'm wearing the same thing right now that I had on Thursday. I suppose you're allowed to do that when you're sick, but that is disgusting. Ok, ok, a shower and new outfit will be in order today. I'm determined to be back at work in the morning. I don't know, maybe being sick hasn't been the worst thing in the world. It's just I feel like there is very little purpose each day. And don't you know as soon as I'm back at work I'll be complaining about it again?

Right now I want to hear out of my ear again, eat a hot meal, and be ready to work tomorrow. Here's hoping!

This girl who proclaims she "never gets sick"---> still sick! A trip to the doctor brought nasal steroids, prevacid, and (get ready)... a neti pot! "Ewwww," you may say, but it is supposedly amazing in treating sinusitis, which it looks like I may have. A possible bout with antibiotics may be in order if I'm not better by tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have yet again had to stay home from work. I can't seem to shake off this stupid guilt complex about it, but I'm sick! If I saw someone hacking up a lung (and then some) at work the way I was today, I would tell them to go home. I do not necessarily feel incapacitated, but I am obviously not better, nor am I getting better at this point, but here's hoping that antibiotics will do the trick and kick this bug to the curb.

In the meantime, I watched the movie Expelled with Ben Stein today. Honestly, I thought it was pretty good. It isn't about creation, but the concept of intelligent design and how it has been ostracized time and again among scientists. Pretty interesting. I just signed up for Netflix so I may be renting a few more movies today. I am actually getting incredibly bored, and hope that I can be back at work on Sunday.

Anyway, I would write more but I'm feeling kinda rotten right now so I'll be going.

Sick

Things I love about traveling:

Usually you travel to see someone. Someone you haven't seen in a long time. I love seeing new places, exploring, and in my case, seeing snow. I love seeing old friends, staying up later than usual and sleeping in way later than usual. I love not working. I love having fewer obligations to the world.

What do I hate about it?

When it's over! Why are we always so miserable after vacation? You would think we would be refreshed, but I have never been that way. Not to mention, I felt myself coming down with something on Monday, the day I traveled home, and did not feel well at all at work yesterday. I didn't feel like a safe nurse. I felt like a bad nurse, a nurse who could not think on her feet. I called a doctor to get orders, and I always, always write down doctor's orders and read them back. That's what we do. I hung up the phone, had written nothing down, and could not remember at all what the doctor had said. Talk about feeling stupid calling them back.

So after waking up at 2:30 this morning, my throat hurting even more, my head feeling like someone had put rocks in it, and feeling like I wanted to throw up, I called out sick. I hate doing that, I really do. In fact, I have never called out sick! I have vivid memories of being a Publix cashier with a migraine, unable to see straight, and still working. But considering I did not go back to sleep this morning until almost 4:00, and have since then slept off and on until 10:45, and still feel yucky, it's probably best. I do not get sick very often at all. And normally I do not care that much when I do, but I scared myself a few times at work yesterday. And that is unsafe.

I have yet to venture away from the couch, but I think I might try. I really hope I am better for work by Friday. I really don't like not being there when I'm supposed to! Until then, there will be lots of cough drops and saltine crackers eaten. Yum.

I sure hope the rest of Bumblyburg is having a better day than I am!

Cleveland

I am in Cleveland right now. Included in the trip so far: SNOW, Irish restaurant, alcohol, SNOW, good times with friends, Wii Fit, SNOW, and lots and lots of food!!! I am having a blast!! I will post lots of pictures soon, but since right now I'm on Lindsey's computer and don't want to overload her hard drive with millions of pictures, I will post only a few:

Me and Lindsey! There is history in this picture... jelly bellies. Allison, you know!

We went to an art museum, and this was my favorite.

We have drank some alcohol... don't worry, we added much of this alcohol for the picture. We didn't actually drink all of this. Well, not most of it! ;)

We went to a restaurant called Claddagh's, an Irish place. When I ordered dessert, the waiter warned me it would be big and I said, "It's ok! I have a big sweet tooth!" This is not what I expected.

I am having a great time, and not to mention there is a foot of snow on the ground! Unfortunately it has warmed up to the mid-thirties the last couple days (warmed up to the thirties?!) and so the snow is getting wet and slushy. I did get a chance to play in it once so far and you can see those pictures on Lindsey's blog. Oh! And I have seen my first icicles on this trip. Awesome! Those are nonexistent in Florida, no matter how cold it gets.

I will post more pictures when I go home, but for now I will continue to enjoy the cold and the snow, and the time off from work!

Nurse

I think that yesterday I felt like a nurse for the first time. I see glimpses of it sometimes. You have to understand, experience makes the nurse. Until you have experience, it is just so difficult. Every day brings something difficult for me, and most days I feel so overwhelmed I can't stand it. Yesterday, however, I felt somewhat more in control of myself and the situation. Not that you can ever be in control of the situation, as anything can happen, but I felt so composed. My patient even told me I was a fantastic nurse, and hearing something like that can make a terrible day worth it. Knowing my patient felt secure having me as a nurse, that is all I need to hear! It doesn't even matter anymore that I worked late and only got a ten minute break.

Things I am learning? As a nurse, you have to be assertive. I am gaining confidence when it comes to dealing with doctors. I'm developing a thicker skin, because my first call to a doctor left me in tears. My first difficult patient also left me in tears. I actually laugh now when I think about that. It isn't personal, and for some reason I thought it was. Sometimes I still go home feeling like a failure because I didn't "please everyone," but I can't let that get to me. Not everyone is always going to like me. And it's ok!!

When I was in school and heard girls talk about wanting to be a nurse, I used to encourage it. However, if you are thinking about being a nurse, stop and think again. If you still want to do it, stop and think again. Nurses don't simply flit about carrying out doctor's wishes. It isn't easy. It is hard, grueling work. It demands everything of you- physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, spiritually, you name it. People will never understand what you go through.

This isn't me complaining, I am simply stating the facts that are there. Yesterday one of my friends who has been a nurse for 16 years told me, "If you want to be a nurse, you have to want to be. You have to love your job, love your patients, you have to have compassion. It is hard work." And on top of that, you have to endure through the most discouraging circumstances. Would I have chosen this career had I known all of that? I don't know. I would have told you I knew, but really, I didn't. However I do not regret choosing it one bit. So, if you want to be a nurse, do it, but don't make that decision lightly!

Do I love being a nurse? YES! I stumble over that question some days, but I really am learning to love it.

And I'm sorry, I did not mean to go off on that rant. Just some thoughts I am putting out there. Allison and I have been talking about it a lot lately. If she was not a nurse also, I don't know what I would do!

Winter Olympics start tonight, and I cannot WAIT to watch the opening ceremonies! Why is it that while I hate sports so much, I love the Olympics?

Edit: I am going to Cleveland this week! Sooo excited! This Florida girl gets to see snow!

Bronner's in Frankenmuth during our visit to Michigan in June 2004

This was our subtle way of asking if we could decorate the Christmas tree... by turning Allison into a Christmas tree... that holds stockings. I think this is in 1995, judging by my hair.

Remember these days? What a different life. Would I go back? I don't think so. But it's fun to remember times like these did exist, even if they are not like that now. Though my life is in no way difficult, remembering does help me when I feel overwhelmed by the circumstances and stress of life.

Anyone else excited about the Olympics? Winter Olympics are not my favorite. But it does take me back to my childhood days, when my sisters and I obsessively followed figure skating. We used to put on figure skating competitions in the driveway in our roller blades. I was probably the worst of us all, but I still loved it. I once even skated to Little Mermaid's "Poor Unfortunate Souls." Not much you can do with that one. I'm hoping that I will be able to watch as much as possible, but with them being on the west coast everything is going to be really late. Isn't it a 3 hour difference? Ok, I guess that isn't so bad.

I'm on a day off right now, so glad! Monday and yesterday were great days at work, and I can only hope tomorrow might be the same! But you never know. It is so unpredictable. Today I like my job. Had you asked me last week, I would have said very differently.

On to conquer the day! Today's goal: relax, find something warm for Ohio, and watch the Office. Attainable goals, right? Hope you have a good one!

Ah... Super Bowl Sunday. A momentous occasion in America... and guess who doesn't care! You're lookin' at her! (or, well, you're looking at her blog) About all I know about it this year is Tim Tebow's supposedly controversial commercial, and I missed it because I was at the grocery store buying all the junk food I could.

Because, you see, when I feel sorry for myself, that's when I eat. Yes, I eat my emotions. Whether they are happy or sad, if you see me at a grocery store and the cart is full of crap, then you know I'm either in a really crappy mood or I'm celebrating something. This is not the place to divulge why I am in such a mood, but I will say that it takes me back to high school feeling this way. I have not been so upset over something so petty in quite a long time.

I was talking with Allison today about our place in life. Being a single woman isn't something I try to spend my time dwelling on. I'm not going to say I'm excited about Valentine's Day coming and going again without a boyfriend, but it's not something I'm especially bitter about right now. Sure, there are days I choose to be bitter and angry, I won't deny that. Anyway, I find it funny that we always talk about how we want guys to be the initiators of a relationship. Such as, why should we have to overtly show our interest before a guy shows his? Why should we have to be the ones to make the guys feel confident in their position? What happened to men being men? Why do they fear rejection so much? And such other things. I won't deny that I'm very cut and dry when it comes to relationships. Men, ask ladies out. Ladies, be ladies. And there ya go. But look at me. I'm almost 23, still single (and, admittedly never having been on a date). Maybe we do have it wrong. Something to think about? But I don't want to be the one who has to initiate anything.

I don't lack social skills. Am I a quiet person? Sure. I am not always the most conversational, and I probably tend to be too much of an introvert when it comes to having fun, hanging out, etc. I'm not a flirt either, so I'm not one of those girls who sends signals left and right when I'm interested. Not to mention I'm a half a head taller than 80% of men in the world, so there's that issue there too.

There is part of me that longs to be independent, to take care of myself, to prove to the world that I can do it (and if a husband fits in the equation... great!). To prove I don't need to be taken care of. Because, really, I am capable of providing for myself. That part of me says that I have worked too long and too hard to get to where I am. But there is that other part of me, that I'm afraid is far more dominant, that simply longs to be pursued and taken care of. I want somebody to see through my carefully built exterior to that, but at the same time I don't. I know all of this sounds stupid, but it's true.

And at that, I don't know where to go. I guess I just keep going.

PS Feeling sorry for myself is unrelated to this post

This week has brought trips to Starbucks, lovely work, and time with friends. Amidst the stress I find myself trying to find the goodness in life, because the last few days I have not seen it.


This is literally all I have energy for after work. Yikes! But I think I already said I wasn't going to complain anymore on here... so to turn it around, I'm glad I have the time to veg out like I never did in school.

A Day in the Life of Curly Hair

Curly hair has been the bane of my existence for many years now. Growing up as a frizzy-haired, free spirited girl it didn't really bother me until I reached junior high. Already tall and gangly, it added to my overall awkwardness for many years. I wasted time and money on curling irons to control it, flat irons to straighten it, etc, etc. It never looked like other girls' hair. And all of this at a time when it was not at all cool to have curly hair... perms were not in.

Today I have decided to give you a demonstration of my life as a curly-haired girl. Many people think I wake up in the morning with perfect curls, but I will show you the process of getting to that point:


I have a love-hate relationship with this ridiculous hair of mine. But it is mine. And, since '80s seems to be coming back into style, it is my hope that big, frizzy hair will too! Easy for me!

Guess what I bought today....

A CAMERA!

My old camera broke several months ago-- and since it was well over four years old and I got plenty of use out of it, I finally broke down and bought a new one. Not to mention I am going on a trip soon and want to be able to take pictures that are not cell phone quality.

And in the top right corner of that picture, you see an old school picture of my parents from over 20 years ago. I love it!

Towards the bottom of that picture, you might see two unsightly scars on my chest. Yes, you may look at my chest because I am actually quite proud of those scars. Without one of them, I would have gone on to become very sick-- or worse. When I was nine years old my cat got scared while I was holding him, and he jumped out of my arms-- his hind claws digging into my chest deeply (and looking back, I should have gotten stitches). It grew into a keloid (yes, a lovely word, isn't it) and I had to get it injected to keep it from looking grotesquely disgusting. So anyway, after a few years of having this done, my dermatologist happened to notice an unusual mole that I had never given much thought to at one of my appointments. Turned out to be melanoma (praise God it was in the earliest stage), so I had surgery to remove that, hence the second scar. You see, that's a story I have never told on here. Melanoma at 18. Wear your sunscreen! And so, for many years having endured rude comments from people about one ugly scar, it actually went on to save my life, giving me a second one. I actually love it now when people ask me about those scars. For a long time I wore my collars up to my neck because I was so embarrassed.

See, scar stories are the best!

Blogging has become one of my favorite things to do. I was thinking the other day about why I am blogging. And I'm not really sure. I honestly don't really think my life is at all interesting, and neither are my thoughts really. I guess occasionally I will have something that is really worth posting, but most days that I post find that I am only doing so because it's "been a whole five days since my last post..." or "ooh I had a terrible day at work, I think I will write about it in my blog!" As if the rest of the world (not that I think the whole world reads this) needs to hear about my stress when they have enough of their own!

I mean, really! I have a very average life. I work three days a week, and the other four are generally spent like a zombie, recovering and preparing to go back to work. Seriously. I think this past week was the most exciting, since I took an afternoon to go to St. Augustine with two of my friends (and, if you wanted to know, I bought cute earrings). I am not married, so I don't have any sweet "my husband loves me" stories to tell, or even "my boyfriend loves me..." No kids, so there are no witty posts to tell you all about how cute my kids are. Because honestly, the best blogs I have read out there are all about families and their kids. I'm not a great photographer so I don't have awesome pictures to post of my un-awesome life. So, what are some interesting things about me that people might care about? And should I care if people care or not? I don't know, so I guess I just write about my life (which is, I suppose, what a blog is for). I usually am just thinking out loud (or rather thinking through the keyboard).

So, hows about I try, really try writing more worth-while posts. That do not contain a constant barage of complaints, whining, and monotony. Well, we'll see.