Tuesday, November 29, 2011

My day yesterday:

9:30-3:00: Sleep

3:40: Doctor's appointment (which took way too long!)

4:40: Peppermint mocha from Starbucks

5:00-6:00: Chill time on my parents' new furniture-- sooo comfy!

6:00-9:40: Take a nap

Midnight-9:00 today: Sleep!

Exciting day, eh? The first one after work is often like that, although I don't always sleep quite that much. I have to say that working night shift gives one a great excuse to sleep . Not even an excuse, because I'm honestly that tired after work. Not only is working nights alone taxing, but my job is even more taxing. The combination is lethal. I already love sleeping, and night shift gives me more time to sleep than when I worked days.

My family put up our Christmas tree over the weekend. We got a real one this year-- first time since we stayed home in 2000! It is so beautiful and smells soooo good! I love Christmas!

When I say I love Christmas I don't mean it the way other people do. I LOVE Christmas! From the time I was 8 years old until at least high school, I kept a countdown on my wall that I would start during the summer and every morning when I woke up I would mark off another day. I have always listened to Christmas music at all odd times of the year. It's kind of embarrassing, really, how much I am obsessed with Christmastime. Perhaps it's the very idea of it all rather than the holiday itself, but I love anything associated with Christmas.

December is almost here. Hurrah, huzzah!!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Almost a year has gone since the death of Grandpa.

As I was leaving work this morning, I was thinking about the whole process of grief through the last year. The majority of the past twelve months have been a real process of grieving for me. I still remember when we knew he would die and thinking, "How will we go on without him?" It's amazing that a year ago at this time, I couldn't imagine a life without my grandparents. The hardest days were in March and April after my Grandma died. It was truly devastating.

I still miss him. I miss both of them. After my grandparents died, we found a beautiful note from Grandpa to my Grandma on Mothers Day '02. Grandpa often praised her, but their love was one that simply shouted itself from the rooftops and didn't need to prove itself to anyone but each other. To read this note was so beautiful, and gave me a whole new insight into the kind of man that he was. He ended with, "Will you please join me in several more years of wedded bliss? I don't want to move into the future without you." In another from Valentine's '99, he wrote, "Let's consider this as the first day of the rest of our lives..." As mushy as all that sounds, it was love that was tried and true, through 64 and 1/2 years.

I still miss Grandpa. A lot. The corny jokes he could tell, the unsolicited advice he gave, and the lectures on finding a husband starting from the day I turned 18. He would have loved to live to see every one of his grandchildren married. This last year of grieving has sucked. No doubt about it. But I hope my memory of him always remains as fresh and real as it is today.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy late Thanksgiving!

It was a great day. I had to work until 7am, so I slept until about 2:45. We ate a Thanksgiving lupper around 4:00 with the Kerchers and Warrens (friends who are family) and just had a good time visiting and being together. We planned the Friday morning shenanigans as well. Food was in abundance-- sweet potato casserole, corn casserole, turkey, stuffing, homemade mac'n'cheese, cranberry sauce, and my mom's famous homemade rolls! Dessert included apple pie, pumpkin pie, banana pie, ice cream, and homemade whipped cream. Am I making you hungry?

This morning we had our traditional Black Friday fun-- even though most of the stores opened at midnight last night, we still got up and left at 4am to hit the stores early. And we avoided the chaos of the doors opening and people rudely stampeding the aisles. I'd prefer it just the way it was today.

This afternoon I got a mani/pedi. My friend Lindsey had a great post about the importance of well-being. One of the things I do for myself is that. It's a way to relax, and it helps me feel better about myself when my toes and nails are painted. When I'm stuck wearing my ugly scrubs at work, at least my nails look pretty! Another thing is when I'm tired, I let myself rest. Take a nap. Watch an episode of NCIS (my new favorite show). What good am I if I'm always tired and stressed? My job takes a real toll on me. I think we are fooling ourselves when we feel as though we constantly have to be over-drawn, tired, stressed-- and that it's just the way it is. It's almost a martyr attitude (maybe a form of pride?). We don't know how to take time for ourselves, and I'm determined to do that. Perhaps as an introvert, it's easier for me than it might be for an extrovert.

Another old favorite I'm learning to love again: The Crocodile Hunter! That guy had a real passion for wildlife. Watch it and you'll love it too!

THE HOLIDAYS HAVE BEGUN!!!!!! YAY!!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

A year ago yesterday my Grandpa went into the hospital. Hard to believe all that can change in a year. He died on December 4, and less than 100 days later my Grandma joined him after a painful struggle.

This morning as I was driving home from work, my mind continued to wander back to those days. They were really hard. Some of the most difficult, emotional, and painful days.

I'm still looking forward to Christmas this year. I found out that I am off Christmas night until the 30th. I couldn't be happier, because it means I will get to join family. It will be our first Christmas without both Grandma and Grandpa. It will be difficult, yes. Christmas was one of the four times a year that we got to see our grandparents. Our family would be with them for the whole week preceding it, and those were always such wonderful, wonderful days. Thoughts of my grandparents will always be on the forefront at Christmastime.

There is a melancholy happiness in me today. Things that once were but are no more. Yet they are always mine. People grow old and pass on. Relationships can change and be lost. Circumstances change. But I'll always have the memories. I spoke with my friend, Lindsey last week about this. We were almost in tears at the thought (In our defense, Hogwarts hymn was playing at the same time- how can you not feel sad?).

Today I ask for prayers for my cousin Jonathan. I've not wanted to impose on the privacy of my Aunt and Uncle and cousins and so chosen not to speak of it before now. Thankfully he has greatly improved, but he is still very, very sick.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Apparently I offended somebody with my last post. Greatly.

That was not my intention in posting it. I didn't craft that post to hurt anyone, and I hope that none of you think that. It wasn't directed at any specific person. I wrote it to talk about all the most common blogs that I've seen, because quite honestly it's all kind of amusing when you think about it. That's all it was meant to be, even if I was more critical of one over the others.

I did not publicly call anyone out. I would never, ever do that.

I wrote a second post on here last night before being addressed by this person. It was somewhat of a sequel to what I spoke about, because the whole idea of women who at times over-glorify their husbands was on my mind throughout the rest of that day. I don't just see it in blogs. I see it on facebook, I see it at church, it's everywhere, often from people who I love dearly (and not from everybody-- but it's there). There isn't one person who does it that I was trying to call out. I limited what I was saying to blogs, because I was blogging about blogs. Plain and simple. I read several blogs that do this. I wasn't going to call out any of them individually, I was simply expressing my opinion on the subject. It was honesty, whether it was right or wrong.

Maybe someday you'll get to see that post I wrote last night. It was funny. It wasn't about anybody, it was about a lot of scenarios I have seen. I write about a lot of things, none of which are meant to pick on anyone or gossip. Read through my blog from the last three years and never once will you see me individually pick on a person, or gossip about an individual.

A lot of what I said yesterday are things that have been bouncing around in my head for awhile now. It wasn't stemming from a sudden impulse to inflict pain or hurt feelings. Perhaps my apology at the end was half-hearted, because I could have deleted everything I said. But perhaps it was also something that needs to be said. I am seldom one to mince words. Sometimes it is to a fault, which was probably the case yesterday. Also, what I said wasn't an exhaustive description of what I think about marriage (nothing about my blog is exhaustive of who I am as a person or what I believe! As I said yesterday, you all already know why I blog). I think marriage is wonderful. I have seen wonderful examples of marriage all my life, and have never had reason to believe anything negative about marriage.

If I offended any one else, I'm truly sorry. I'm not going to censor my posts anymore when it comes to the subject of dating, marriage, singleness, etc (or anything else, really). I have a great fear of being pegged as the insecure, bitter single cat lady, and even when I wrote what I did yesterday I knew I was treading dangerous waters-- but I was still writing what I see. Because truly, I don't live a miserable existence as a single woman. Do I have occasional bouts of feeling sorry for myself? Yes. Like how sometimes I feel sorry for myself because my nursing job is hard, even though I chose it. Sometimes you'll also hear how I love it. Sometimes you'll hear about my struggles through it. It's about being real. All of us have a lot of crap in our lives we wish we didn't. Single or married, life is hard. But my point is that in Christianity, we often want marriage to look like it is the ultimate fulfillment of life, and the truth is it's not. (Disclaimer: I am not calling anyone out nor insinuating that any individual who reads this blog says or believes this)

I didn't know there were bad marriages until I was probably in college, or at least didn't see them as a reality. That is the honest to God truth. I still believe strongly in marriage, regardless of those I have seen fail. I am thankful to God that my parents have such a strong love for each other and for Him. I have grandparents who always modeled the same. I have many friends as well who are happily married, some for more than a few years. Yesterday's post wasn't a jab at marriage.

And maybe I don't have to defend all of this to anyone. But the fact that anybody thought that, I wonder how many other people got the same impression? I'm not here to hurt or inflict pain. Take things that I say with a grain of salt, please. This blog is public (though I don't think many read it). I am aware that what I say is out there for anyone to see. Perhaps my words yesterday were hurtful to some, and for that I'm sorry. Believe me, I'm not going to flippantly be ugly towards people here. Can I be sarcastic at times? A little. Do I say things I shouldn't? Probably. Am I perfect? No. Can I be immature? At times. You'll see all of that here. But I'm careful about what I say on a blog.

"I have faults. What are they? I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend to much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit people with my car.... so sue me. No, don't sue me. That's exactly opposite the point I'm trying to make." -Michael Scott

Monday, November 14, 2011

I've decided that there are four main types of blogs out there.

Mom blogs (10 extra points if it's a Mormon mom blog). I have to admit, I'm kind of addicted to these. Their lives often look picture-perfect. They post pictures of every minute, cute thing their kid does from drawing all over their faces with markers to little birthday celebrations with the kids covered in birthday cake.

The husband-worshiper blog. These blogs are nothing but a shrine to one's husband. We've all seen these, and often this one falls under the umbrella of the mom blog as well. These can be the most difficult to read. If you are going to write love letters to your husband, I can assure you: I do not need to read them! (and neither does anyone else) I believe that you love your husband and don't need to read your sonnets to believe it. It's kind of sick.

The pastor blog. I don't need to say much to describe this one: the mini sermons in a blog. Your daily bread in a blog. And I love these kinds. My pastors have never done these, though I wish they would. It's an easy way to become more accessible to your congregation.

The creative blog. Recipes, crafts, interior decorating, etc... all of these fall under the creative blogs. I'm insanely jealous of every woman who writes these, as I don't have one creative bone in my body. It's why I have friends like Lauren.

My blog doesn't fall under any of these, so if I may I will add a fifth. The stress-relief blog. I don't really blog for anyone other than myself. I'm not working to create a following of readers (I might argue that a few of the above-mentioned probably are). I have blogged for more than three years now on blogger, and long before that on xanga. I've always done this as a way to keep in touch with people, as well as to relieve stress, as I said before. I don't try to create a facade that my world is perfect, that I always do and say the right things. Occasionally I may say things I shouldn't, yes.

I keep a diary almost daily. I don't need my blog to be a diary. It is simply there for any who want to read it, but even if nobody does, I'm ok with it. I truly enjoy blogging. And I love reading other blogs.

If I come across as critical of other blogs here, I'm not trying to. If I've offended anyone, I'm sorry. You could easily argue that I can simply ignore the husband-worshiping blogs, since I probably gave those a bum rap over all the others. Ok, ok. I'll give you that much. Still, they are out there, and I can't be the only person who finds these obnoxious. No, no, I'm not simply bitter because I don't have a husband that I can blog-worship. Or am I? Hm...

Moving on. Today may be Monday to you, but to me it is Saturday. :) Happy weekend!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

f
The Gryffindor and the Slytherin.


I had a wonderful few days with my friend Lindsey down in Tampa. I stayed another night last night. Mostly we just hung around the condo watching TV and took another walk on the beach at sunset. Since I live on the Atlantic side of Florida, I don't get to watch the sun set on the ocean, only rise. So it's nice to see it.

Yesterday we went to Universal Orlando and finally got to see the wizarding world of Harry Potter! I have to say, it was awesome. Of course, not quite as big as I wish it was (in my opinion those movies/books deserve their own theme park), but I'll take what I can get. The butter beer was amazing, the ride was fantastic, and going with my sister and one of my oldest friends (who are both equally avid Harry Potter fans with myself) is what made it the best! We were, however, sad to find out that Rupert Grint had been in the park just that morning and we missed him.

Always, always good to see an old friend. The thing about old friends, is we kind of already know each others' quirks and can be as crazy as we want to around each other without worrying about looking stupid. Considering we once sang and danced to Newsies together in jr. high, I'd say that pretty much nothing can top that on the embarrassment scale. Thanks, Lindsey, for inviting me to visit you down south! And most of all thanks for being a good friend all these years.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Beach!

I'm posting from Redington Shores, FL, visiting here with my good friend Lindsey! She flew down from Ohio a few days ago for her vacation. It's four hours south of where I live, so of course I was gonna come visit!

The drive down was actually really nice. I've been down this way before but never drove it myself. Half of it was the Florida country roads, and I got to go through Ocala which is beautiful country (I love road trips by myself-- make that a scenic road trip, and it's win-win)! I don't go down that way ever. I'm used to the Orlando drive, which is ugly and boring.

I'm staying another night here. It has been really relaxing. On top of seeing Lindsey which has been a blast, she's staying in a beach house so we've gotten to walk on the beach, hang out and be lazy, plus do some touristy things. We did go to a fort about thirty-five minutes away from here yesterday, and both of us have decided that was the biggest mistake (i.e. it was really small, there was literally nothing to see but a couple of cannons). We spent all of 8 minutes there. I never thought I would appreciate the St. Augustine fort so much.

Last night we ate at Crabby Bill's. I'm not a seafood fan, but it was actually at my suggestion. It just seems right that when you are staying at a beach house, you should eat at a seafood restaurant. And a touristy one at that. I ate blackened salmon, which was delicious. The spiciness takes away from the fishiness. I'm sorry, I'm just not a big seafood fan. I don't see it as food. When I smell fish at a restaurant or grocery store, it smells the same as that dead fish those birds were feasting on at the beach. I'm sorry, but it's true.

Well, I hope everyone is having a wonderful week. I know I am, and after a pretty stressful three nights of work this past weekend, I am really appreciating a little relaxing. It'll be back to reality soon enough.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Washington, DC: Day 4

A fuzzy last-day picture of the DC group!

Michael Buble's Christmas album came out while we were there! SO good! Check it out if you haven't already.

First stop: Union Station

We saw the post office museum. It was pretty cool and a lot more interesting than I expected.

Traveling by stage coach. Close quarters- it would have driven me crazy!

The dome of the Capitol.


The old post office.
They had a bunch of restaurants to choose from here, and then we took a tour of the old bell tower.

Eating our last DC meal!

As always, the last day of vacation is usually kind of a bummer. Not because it isn't fun, but at least for me there's that dreaded anticipation of going back to reality. Little did I know all that reality entailed, but all has turned out better than before.

This day I had one of my usual clumsy moments. (You don't live to be almost 6 feet tall and not spend half your life tripping over your feet and other various objects close to the ground) As we were walking up to the Capitol, I was videotaping. As we were walking, I turned to look at something and next thing I know my knee is crashing into a barrier that keeps cars from driving up the sidewalk. We had already gone past about four others, so I don't know why this one surprised me. That was one of the most painful experiences of my life (now I know what a 10 out of 10 really means!). I honestly thought I had shattered my kneecap or something for about the first ten minutes after it happened. Those barriers must be made of iron or titanium! Anyway, I spent the rest of the next few days limping and feeling sorry for myself but in the end I just bruised the patellar tendon, which is why it hurt so much to bend it.

That is the end of that story. And on the sick front, well I'm still kind of sick. Yesterday I thought I was completely over it, but last night was coughing up my lung and then some. I woke up this morning doing the same, which isn't so surprising, but I don't like that this nasty cough is hanging on. I don't get sick often at all and when I do, I'm kind of a big baby. I'll have some flatter abs when all this is over though.

I can't believe it is November!! I'm so excited about the Holidays coming up. I'm already listening to Christmas music. Haters back off! I love Christmas, and if I want to listen to Christmas music in March or July or November, I will. Thank you. Also. The red cups are here. That reason alone makes me want to go to Starbucks twelve times a day. All the Scrooges and Grinch's of the world can just grin it and bear it for the next two months.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Washington, DC: Day 3

John, me, and the Washingtons.

John and me with a tree. We took a picture with it because it has probably been around since Washington's days at Mt. Vernon. He may have planted it! Also, we don't have trees like this in Florida.

I wish this was my backyard!

Me, Allison, and John.
Again, I wish this was my backyard!

My mom and me on a ferry boat ride on the Potomac.

The Potomac


We spent all day at Mt. Vernon. It was as good as last year! That place is beautiful, and if you are ever in the region you must go there. You could spend a full day there, because there is so much to see. We ended the evening eating at Outback Steakhouse (because the Mt. Vernon Inn was closed). When we got back, Allison and I fell asleep by 8:00pm and slept through Sister Wives. Oh wait... I didn't mean to admit to that, oh well.

The weather down here is cool and blustery today. It makes me happy! And I'm wearing my scarf, something I rarely get to do in Florida!