Enough

As I reflect on my life the past year and a half... but most especially the past year...

I see so much growth.  Life has thrown me so many curveballs in that time.  It has been good... hard at times, but mostly good.  I saw a quote the other day that read along these lines, "Something will grow out of this difficult time.  It's you."  And it's true.  So true.

There are many cliches that you could throw at me right now, but the truth is I feel as though I've been punched in the stomach and I won't be recovering anytime soon.  I know that in life I'm where I'm supposed to be... but life hasn't (and most certainly never will) happened as I planned.  You dream and fantasize about things to be as you wish them to be... but at the end of the day you have to face reality.

One thing I know.  I don't depend on others.  Certainly I need relationships and friendships and emotional connections in my life.  God knows that's one thing I've learned.  But I have had an amazing life so far.  Been places I once only dreamed of going.  Accomplished many things, been blessed with the ability to have a good job and to be good at it.  I was recently told that I'm not aggressive enough in life, but as I ponder over the past few years, I see no evidence of that.  My life is where it is because of decisions I have made and actions I have taken to get here.  I've been the places I've been, done the things I've done because of hard work.  While to many it seems as though I spend most of my time traveling and eating out and having fun, honestly it's 80% working my ass off and being completely exhausted.

But in the past few years, I have built a wonderful life for myself.  I've been happier than I ever was before.  I rose out of a difficult time, one that I'm finally able to admit to myself was a good few years of depression (though I didn't know it at the time), got my health under control, began to face issues I have, and took huge leaps in both my personal and professional life.  It's been scary at times, but so worth it.

And I don't really know what I'm trying to get across here.  Just that today, who I am is enough.  Today is hard, but it will get better.  Maybe not tomorrow.  Or next week, or even in a month.  But just like before, I'll wake up one day and find myself on the other side of this.  I have to believe that.

Monday Night Introspection

Interesting the direction life takes you.

Upon unpacking things here, I found a journal I kept in 2011 in the desk I had in storage back in Florida.  I'm actually surprised by how sad I was during those days.  I mean, I remember being sad.  My grandparents, who had been a huge part of my life up until that point, had just died and I had a hard time dealing with it.  I think I was probably depressed--circumstantially so--but didn't realize it.  In one entry I even said I just hoped for life to once again be happy and full.

It's interesting, because that's something I've thought a lot about recently.  How happy and full life has been in this past year and a half.  I once felt like I wouldn't be happy again... and although I do remember feeling that way, it is only a memory now.  I've had to make a lot of changes in many areas of my life.  It took awhile to get there.  I've stretched myself and gone new places, done more (and more!) traveling, met so many new people.  I've stepped far out of my comfort zone many times... something I once never did.  I would definitely not say life has been easy the past year and a half, but it has been good.

Just some thoughts I have tonight.  I'm glad life has taken me where it has.  I've said it before, but this has been a season of life I have truly enjoyed.  I know life has yet to take many twists and turns--and certainly not all of them good--but I am content and thankful in this moment.

Change

Well, it's official.  After what has been a CRAZY week, I have now officially moved to Spokane, Washington!  Bela and I flew to Florida last Monday, and spent the three days organizing, packing, and throwing out stuff in preparation for our drive across country (unfortunately I was only able to see a very few people while there, as there was just too much to do and not enough time).  This wasn't my first time doing a cross-country drive, but it was my first time doing the whole thing one day after another.  When we went to California we had a couple of day-long breaks in St. Louis and Colorado Springs.  This time, we did it in four days straight.

I have to admit, I was really scared about driving a moving truck across country.  Though in this day and age it's a lot safer than it once was with the technology we have, it's still an unnerving task for two women by themselves.  Not to mention we were hearing stories about snow being a possibility this time of year through some of the mountain passes in the north.  But-- thank goodness-- we did NOT deal with that!!  The truck we rented held up... and we had a blast through those four days singing at the top of our lungs, car-dancing, along with many long best-friend-heart-to-heart talks.  Bela has grown to be as close as a sister in the past year and I've been so grateful for her friendship in my life.  Of course I would never tell her that!  Kidding.

So we have moved everything into our apartment.  No internet yet at this time, so I am at Starbucks with a decaf Americano, just giving myself permission to turn my brain off for the night and relax.  I go back to work tomorrow night for a three-in-a-row.  I'll think then but for now, I've kind of reached my stopping point for the day.  Life has been insanely non-stop recently.  And I've loved it, but I'm also ready for  a bit of a break!!

I still can't believe I made this leap.  Yesterday I sat down on the floor of my living room, looked around at all my stuff... stuff that once sat in a little one-bedroom apartment in Jacksonville, FL.  And I realized, I live here now.  No move is ever permanent, but the travel nursing deal was definitely always incredibly temporary.  I definitely knew I was not going to go back to Florida, but there was never any sort of settledness about it.  But this... is different.  And for right now where I'm at in my life... it's what's right.  

Life has been so full and so good the last year and a half.  I've learned things about myself.  I've grown so much.  And there's so much more growing left to do.  So many more ups and downs.  I feel like I'm learning to see life always as first and foremost, an adventure.  I hope I'll never stop seeing it that way.  I hope I'll always tackle life and everything I do with passion.  I hope I don't become jaded because the truth is, it's so damn easy to be that way.  I've been there before... I could definitely be there again.

Anyway, I'm just excited for the future right now!