On Letting Go

Letting go is scary.

There is comfort in holding onto something, even after it is gone.  The past few months for me have felt like I still had my foot in the door, keeping it from closing completely.  Watching through the crack with a small glimmer of hope... but for what?  Shutting that door firmly and not looking back... there's finality and sadness in it.  But that is followed by peace.  Relief.  When you stop looking back, then you can finally look ahead.  See the amazing opportunities that are out there... the doors that are STILL open to you, or waiting for you to open them.

I don't want to spend my life looking back.  Living with what-ifs and could-haves and should-haves.  There is too much life to be lived for that.

And so I have let go.  Finally.

Life and Change

Time continues to fly, and here we are in November already.  The start of the Holidays is just around the corner.  I can't believe it!

I got a little sad today as I drove around town seeing the vibrant fall colors.  The wind is fierce today, and a lot of the leaves are being blown off the trees.  Soon they will all be bare.  Living in Spokane and having four seasons has been really amazing for me.  And I'm learning that, although I love winter, there is something very sad about seeing the leaves falling off of the trees.  Maybe it's symbolic of the change that I am always so resistant to.  Good change or bad change, I struggle with it.

Speaking of change, I recently started a new job!  It is a much less stressful place, and one that is very supportive of nurses and patient safety.  I am taking care of veterans at the VA.  I consider it an honor.  However, it was hard for me to leave my old job.  I had been living with constant stress and losing sleep during those last months there, so it was definitely change that was necessary and good.  I look forward to this new chapter.

Training continues on, and I'm loving it!  I ran ten miles this morning and maybe it was the rain, but I felt amazing!  Usually the longer distances are a real struggle, but my body felt strong and I felt motivated.  I enjoy that feeling when it comes, because it doesn't happen very often.  There are days that running three miles is a struggle (which always blows my mind).  I've been attending spinning classes once or twice a week at my gym.  Saturday mornings are my intense 2-hour ones.  I love it.  

I'm training for the 70.3 but mostly I think I am just training to be a badass.