Avatar

I finally rented and watched Avatar last night. I wasn't really sure what I was going to think, since I have heard reviews of it from both extremes. I decided to watch it with an open mind and try not to think about the smears from the right, or the over-glorification from the left. And, really, I thought it was a good movie. Not to mention, right from the beginning I recognized the score, and both Allison and I discovered that James Horner (who also did Titanic's score- go figure) did it.

So, my thoughts on the movie? Great story. Great romance. Great adventure. I didn't so much tie the attacks on the Na'vi to a portrayal of our military, (though I don't doubt that it wasn't at least a nod in that direction) but I think what bothered me about this film the most was how completely over-the-top that colonel was in his brutality. And I think the film went a little too far out of its way to show just how heartless and inhuman he was, such as watching him kick back with a cup of coffee while shooting down innocent Na'vi, among other scenes. If anything, this movie's biggest message was an environmental one-- not necessarily a slam toward our military specifically, but a slam toward mankind in general. Perhaps my only other qualm with this movie was the intense spirituality which connected the Na'vi to the nature around them.

Those things aside, I honestly really enjoyed the movie. Beautiful scenery, awesome special and visual effects, and a really neat story all around. I did find myself sitting on the edge of my seat at times. I would recommend it, if you are willing to watch it without letting another's opinions get in the way. I felt that's what I had to do in order to enjoy it, and it definitely worked. And, as a result, I bought the soundtrack to the film, which generally happens after I see a movie I really like. All in all, I would recommend it.

A Very Tired, Random Post

Just when I had thought things were starting to get better, and I was getting the hang of my job... well, surprise! It has been a really awful couple weeks of work. I'm not sure what is going on that is so different, but I'm hoping that it slows down soon. I came home Sunday night from work, more exhausted than I'd ever been from work and collapsed on the couch at 9:00. Yesterday I had already taken a 2-hour nap by 1:00pm, and was good for nothing the entire day, including another short nap at 7:00. Wow. Thank goodness this weekend came before 3 days off, because I know I couldn't be back at work today or even tomorrow.

On the bright side: beach today! Yeah! The sun is high, the sky is blue, and no rain is forecast until tonight at least. Speaking of which, I am also ready for the Florida afternoon rain storms to begin. In Florida in the summer if it isn't one of our drought years, just about every single afternoon at 3:00pm, it rains. Sometimes it's for only 20 minutes or so, but I love it when it turns into one of those thunderstorms you just want to curl up in your bed with a good book and listen to. Ohhh, I love summer, even though I also hate it.

Speaking of reading: I have finally started reading The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. I know, I know, I've been a LOTR fan for how many years and I still haven't read them?! But I finally am, and regret not having done it sooner. There's a lot of background information you just don't get from the movies. Which is funny, because I've always wondered why people wanted to watch Harry Potter but not read the books, for that same reason.

I just realized the other day that it is "finals week," and I'm not taking finals! Usually this time of year I'm studying feverishly, but not this year! It really is a good feeling, although I do miss that feeling of being done and feeling free. You don't get that with a job. Last year at this time I was facing an entire summer semester ahead of me. How miserable that was, although it wasn't really as bad as I'd thought it would be. It never really felt like summer if I ignored the calendar, and I also knew graduation was at the end of it. And speaking of graduation, that was 9 months ago! What?! I'm going on 7 months at my job... 7 months a working RN? Doesn't seem possible.

Harry Potter

Allison pointed out to me that I completely missed the inclusion of Harry Potter in my post on high school obsessions. Yes, the books came out long before I was in high school, but I was of the belief that all things Harry Potter were evil for a long time. Finally when I was 16 I decided to read them for myself, and have loved them ever since.

For me, fantasy is an escape. I know it is dorky that I love books and movies like this and hold them close, but that is how it is. I have many memories connected to this story-- late night in Books a Million with Allison to pick up the 6th book we could have easily walked in the next morning to get (we discovered that night that there are some really weird [i.e. creepy] Harry Potter fans out there), seeing the movies for the first time in theater always with Allison (we are not allowed to go one without the other for the first time), reading the 7th book side-by-side, each with our own copies, and stopping every couple of chapters with disbelief at what was happening-- and that is only mentioning a few fond memories I have.

Through high school, college, nursing school-- this story has been a wonderful escape for me. I think that is why I have always loved fantasy. They are stories that we know could never be true, and that's why we love them. Of course, don't we wish an old-fashioned letter came, owl-delivered, to take us away to a whole different world, or that we could step through a wardrobe and find ourselves in Narnia? Or be whisked off to some great adventure, like Bilbo or Frodo? It is that element of fantasy that I love so much. Although I no longer have the obsessions I once did, these (Harry Potter, Narnia, Lord of the Rings, etc,) are stories I will always love.

A Good Couple Days

An awesome couple of days were spent in Orlando. I drove down after work on Tuesday. And in the morning, off we were to Disney! I know I have probably been to Disney too many times (though I don't think that's possible), but each day has its own special memories. Yesterday we got to the park, a little grumpy because a) I had not gotten my coffee, and b) we were forced to ride the ferry boat with hoards of people because the monorails were shut down for maintenance. We decided to take the detour through Cinderella's Castle since later on in the day they close it off for all the shows. On a whim, we ate breakfast at Cinderella's Royal Table! It was awesome! It's so dorky, but we had an awesome time. It included a picture with Cinderella before breakfast, all you can eat food (excellent too- not your typical Disney fare) and four princesses visiting your table for pictures. You better believe that we took pictures with all of them! After several rides, we headed on over to Epcot for the flower and garden show where we enjoyed a pretzel and a drink in Germany (beer for Allison, diet coke for me).

A better day could not have been spent, and we ended it with Chinese food, drinks, and Lord of the Rings with Kristi Vechik. I'm always sad to come back, but you know I'll be back again! I do not regret buying my Disney pass one bit, and I never tire of going.

It was great to have some fun and kick back without any stress. Work has gotten extremely difficult lately, and the responsibility and stress of it has been weighing on me very heavily. I am questioning my reasoning for going into this field, and just feel very scared by it. I'm not sure if I can do it anymore. I walk into work, and immediately am at peoples' every beck and call. I must be everything to everyone, and it's never enough. It is just really hard. Thank goodness for days off, and hopefully for better days as well.

High School Obsessions...

Lord of the Rings was a high school obsession of mine. Although I do say I still love it as much as I did then! Who can't help but love those movies?

Pirates of the Caribbean came out when I was 16. Already in love with Orlando Bloom from LOTR, I was obsessed with it before it even came out. Brings back great memories!

Of course, I have never been a big Star Wars buff, but when the movies came out in the early 2000s, it was the "in" thing. I even cried during the 3rd movie when Anakin turned to the dark side.

And, if we are talking about high school obsessions, I can't leave out Orlando Bloom. LOVED him. Enough said.

Smallville was probably one of the first "cool" TV shows I was allowed to watch. It used to scare me too because I wasn't used to anything so "intense." Ha! I think Tom Welling was my first celebrity crush too. (Look at him! Who couldn't have a crush on him?)

Survivor. Definitely the first TV show I ever followed. (can you tell I was sheltered?) I have watched it off and on the last few years, and find that I can still get just as addicted to it.

Can't forget, my love for singers like Josh Groban and Michael Buble began in late high school, and have never diminished to this day. I'm still just as clumsy, just as awkward (ok, so maybe not quite), and just as fashion-challenged today as I was then. A lot of things have changed, too. I know how to do my hair now, my pants size has gone up bit (and I've learned that doesn't matter all that much!), and I've also learned that Christian romantic fiction lies through their cheesy little fictitious words (Thad? Gilbert Winslow? Shiloh? Pretense Paul? Tucker? All lies!!!).

High school. Oh, those were the days. I am sure my high school experiences are vastly different from most kids' (hello... home school!) but still the same in a lot of ways. My parents didn't entirely separate us from society, and I still went through many of the same insecurities, ups and downs, crushes, etc... Though I'd never, ever want to go back, it's still nice to remember the days.

A Few of My Favorite Things

The Dick Van Dyke Show. I grew up on this show. I still watch it and am falling out of my seat with laughter every time. This guy is hilarious! It will always be a favorite!

Again, this show also keeps me laughing. It is probably one of the best sit coms ever. I have always wished I could have been around when it was first made, being one of those housewives who saved every Monday evening for I Love Lucy.

Ella Fitzgerald (along with Louis Armstrong, below) were among the first jazz music I ever liked. The two of them together were great.

Bing Crosby... great singer, great actor. I loved him first because of the movie Holiday Inn, and then White Christmas, but have also come to appreciate his music.

I have always felt something akin to Nat King Cole... maybe it's the shared nickname? This guy had the smoothest voice you will ever hear in your life. I used to only know him for his featured Christmas songs on my Christmas cds, but have come to love all of his other music as well. He sang some of the most romantic songs, and his voice only made them that much more so.

And last, but not least, my first love: Frank Sinatra! I started listening to him when I was 15, and it was probably the first time I had ever listened to "old" music. Before that I had always thought it was lame. This guy had the most classic voice, you can't help but love him when you hear him sing, his reputation aside.

Yes, I realize I only featured the old in my favorite things list, and I could probably continue with many other things I love that aren't from 50 or more years ago. Maybe another time, right? I have always wished I lived during my grandparents' generation. Not to say those days were perfect, or maybe not even better than today, but I have always had a fascination with it. Which would probably explain the draw that all of the above has for me. Anyway, here's to not being cool at all.

Read this, you will not be disappointed.

Plus Size Modeling

Now this is what I'm talking about. I had not heard of Kate Dillon specifically before buying Vogue tonight, but have recently been fascinated with the idea of "plus size" modeling and really enjoyed this article, feeling as though I can relate to her. This was featured in Glamour back in the fall, and I'm thinking, can't we get a little more of that? Enough with the models whose ribs are sticking out, who haven't and will never reach true puberty, who don't have one curve on their whole body. Sorry, men, it's not beautiful, it's not what women should (or even really do) look like, it's not healthy, and it's not fair.

When I was 15 years old, I decided I was fat. Size 6. Nobody told me I was. I wasn't even the biggest among my friends, I just knew I wasn't skinny enough. I even used to be jealous of anorexic girls, at least they were skinny! Oh how I wish I could take back those months and years I struggled, because I believe that they harmed me so much. I wish I could have known how little it mattered. I wish I could have known how negatively it would affect me even today.

It's sad to me that what I believe to be normal is considered plus size, but it is progress nonetheless. We can at least see some normal, healthy women in the glossy pages of magazines, even they are just the token "big girl." What woman doesn't struggle with her body image? Who doesn't look in the mirror and cry once in awhile? And really, what woman loves, I mean really loves her body? We compare ourselves to the super skinny, super tall models on the covers of magazines and don't even realize that there is nothing normal about being that skinny, especially if you are a tall woman. Ellen DeGeneres on her show featuring plus size models states tongue-in-cheek that size 0 = eating disorder-- and for the most part, I would agree. Why do we even need to be so skinny? Logically it doesn't make sense. I don't even think you can have a true period when you are so skinny. How healthy is that?

Do I still wish I was skinny? You bet. I'm not sure I'll ever really appreciate my body, or stop wishing to look like a model. It sucks! But I suppose it's life.

I haven't ever been the most sociable person around.

But I think Blogger has become too much of a friend to me recently. Blogger, certainly you listen to what I have to say. I know you won't judge me, even if the eyes that read this blog do. You let me complain and vent about a bad day, and you listen when I talk about nothing. I have a hard time being friends with people, but not you, because you aren't even a person. But, Blogger, you can't replace a true friend. Why can I tell you so much, yet when sitting face-to-face with a real live person have so little to say? Why do I fear the judgment of people?

Honestly, I have always been a person who simply expresses myself best in writing. Not to say I am a good writer, because I'm not. But I spent much of my childhood writing letters to my cousins, my friends far away, my grandparents, etc. And I think that is wonderful, and that communication through writing is one of the best forms there is or ever will be. My opinion will never change about that. But you can't do it all the time.

I'm not the quickest person you will ever meet, or as the saying goes, the sharpest crayon in the box. I have always had friends who were the quickest, funniest, wittiest people you will ever meet in your life. And I can't keep up. I can't, and I am insecure about that. And do you know, that is why I crawl into my little blog cave (and all the other caves I have created in my life)? It is so selfish of me, am I so concerned about what others think of my sense of humor, or my ability to deliver a brilliant punchline? I know I'm awkward, and I make no bones about that. It's me, take it or leave it, but that kind of insecurity is not worth losing potential friendships that could be great.

Do I still feel sorry for myself? Probably.

I'm not quitting blogging, or even taking a break from it really. Writing is something I like and I'm going to do it whether or not anybody else reads it. Because I like it and it relaxes me. But I think it's time I start doing a better job of pursuing friendships that are real, and stop retreating into myself like I always do. My life revolves around me and my job, and little else. It's gotta stop, Nat.

Dying Easter eggs after an afternoon at the beach

Easter Sunday- the great Easter egg hunt

I had a great Easter weekend! Starting off with the Easter egg hunt at church on Saturday morning, and then the beach that afternoon. It was my first beach trip of the year. The weather is finally hot, and although I know I will bitterly eat these words in a few months, I'm glad. Easter Sunday was spent at the Kerchers, and as always, included was an Easter egg hunt!

Unfortunately, I have been fighting a sore throat for about a week, and on Sunday it seemed to get just a little bit worse. Woke up Monday morning with a cough, and worked through that Mon/Tues. Not sure what I have, but I have definitely been sick the last few days. It's so frustrating because it seemed like I just got over that last bout in February.

Well, I will try to sleep this off today. We'll see how I feel after that.

I have just come off two quite difficult days at work. First day was horrible, and I walked in the second day to find that I was being floated for the first time! Doesn't sound bad, but being new, I still feel like I'm getting used to my floor, and having to learn my way around an entirely new floor is tough. Plus, there was not the same support system that we have on our floor with all the nurses. Work can really stink, but I have come to accept that as a fact, and try not to get worked up about it. I do feel as though I'm finally coming into my role as a nurse, though slowly at times. I find that being a nurse is becoming so much a part of my identity, something I never thought it would be. I never wanted that, I mean who wants their job to define them? But I don't really feel as though being a nurse is entirely confined to work.

Anyway. Enough, enough with the work talk! Monday my cousin drove into town because her spring break cruise happened to be leaving from one of the ports here. So Lauren and I drove her and her friends over and dropped them off, and on we went to the zoo! I haven't been to the zoo in a long time, and it was so much fun! I forgot how fun it can be. Afterward we ate at Moe's, then went to Artsy Abode (my favoritest store) and I bought this, only in pink. It's a fun watch, and I've been needing one for work for a long time. It's something fun to add to my boring work uniform. Then I pretended I wasn't working the next day, and hung out at the Kerchers until about 9:30 (trust me, that's late when I have to get up for work!). All in all, it was a great day, one of the best in a long time.

Recovering today, and back to work tomorrow. I have Easter weekend off, which I am so excited! We are having Easter with our Florida "family," the Kerchers! Yeah!!! I love our holiday celebrations! If I'm not back before then, Happy Easter!!!!