So far to go... yet almost there.

I've come quite a ways! This picture is from my very first semester in nursing school, with my very first patient on droplet precautions. Oh, good times. My teacher gave us some pictures to look through for our project, and I came across this one. Time sure has flown.

Life is getting very stressful. I had two days of clinical Sun/Mon, Tues/Wed I spent the mornings at VBS and the rest of my day working on portfolio as much as possible. Today I had community, and Fri/Sat I have clinical. Sunday will be a day off this week, which I am so thankful for. This past week has been a blur. It's a good thing and a bad thing. I find that the busier I am, the more I seem to be able to accomplish. But I don't like feeling so stressed. It's a win/lose situation I guess. I'm getting more excited by the day with the end approaching, but am trying not to think too too much about it because I don't want to get to relaxed. I still have a lot to do. I can't imagine how good it will feel to be finished- and to know that I really am done with school! That's impossible to believe right now! Gotta keep chugging along!

And I have recently found out that Lord of the Rings makes excellent paper-writing music. Somehow it is much easier to feel motivated with the majestic LOTR music playing in the background.

I'm now half-way through the semester. So much more work to do yet, but I can hardly believe the end is so close. I finally started portfolio this past week, and feel as if I'm making some progress on it. Right now it feels really pointless, but I'm pretty sure when I'm finished with it I'll be proud of the work. Well, we'll see!

I had a good birthday. It was spent all day in class, but it was not bad and we went to Chipotle afterward and a walk on the beach. The weather was great and the beach was beautiful.


So now I'm 22 years old. While I'm pretty sure I'm still young, and this is in no way to offend anybody who happens to be say, one or two years older than I, I do feel a bit depressed about this age. I'm actually really glad about where I'm at in life. In fact, I wouldn't wish to be in any other position. But it is still a little depressing to look at the dreams of myself at 7 or 8, (I'm pretty sure I thought I'd be married and pregnant with my second kid by now haha), and not be anywhere near those dreams. But I don't consider those to be my "dreams" anymore, at least not in the way they used to be. I still want those things, but there are other things I want first. And I don't want them any sooner than God wants them for me, which could be in five years, or could be never. Guess I will find out eventually, but for now I want to live my life where I'm at. And enjoy it. I've got plenty of time for the other stuff.

I think that the church (and maybe Disney too...) has done a bit of a disservice to girls in its teaching that marriage and children is the only important thing in your life. We longed as little girls for Prince Charming, and nobody bothered to tell us that there is no such thing as Prince Charming, because guys simply don't measure up to that in the same way we can't measure up to perfect hair or tiny waistline with a 36DD cup size. The fact is nobody and nothing measures up to perfection. Marriage doesn't measure up to perfection, motherhood doesn't measure up to perfection. Somehow there's a disconnect there...? We can't seem to get that through to our hearts. Marriage becomes the only option for many girls, and there's no back-up when it doesn't happen, or if things go terribly wrong.

Anyway, happy birthday to me, I'm 22 and happy about it. ;)

Clothes

Bought two new dresses today as a birthday present to myself. I'm quite proud of myself, really, because I don't buy dresses very often. And I bought two! They are super cute. Although I came home and realized I bought black and white and brown- I never seem to go for much color. I have been told that in the past, but you really can't beat a simple style.

So I'm thinking, what does the way that I dress say about me? I tend to wear a lot of jeans, dark shirts, greys, sometimes green because it is my favorite color, t-shirts, and the occasional black-and-white dress here and there. Rarely will you see bright colors in my wardrobe, although there are a few that I wear when I'm feeling less frumpy that day. In fact, frumpy might be a word I would use to describe my style, because I don't have much. And I'm ok with that fact, though not all the time. Back to my point. I guess I dress the way I do because I don't really want to stand out. Maybe be noticed, on occasion, but stand out? No way. My height probably does that enough, no use adding to it.

And with the dark colors- I've talked about this with a friend. They happen to be particularly slimming and flattering on just about anybody. And I'm honestly not very good at mixing and matching colors. I don't have a bright and bubbly personality, and I think that usually comes out in the way I dress--and probably anybody else as well. I think if you compare personality to wardrobe, it usually matches up pretty well.

So anyway, just a rather boring conversation on clothes. I am super excited though about my purchases! I can't wait to wear one of them, and will definitely on my birthday, because I think I should dress nicely on my birthday. Plus I'm going out to dinner with some friends, so why not? Forget what everybody says about wearing dark colors- I'm gonna wear what I want and look great doing it! ;)

Why is the way we dress so important? Yet I think it should be important to a point. I felt so good when I tried those dresses on in the dressing room at Target. I think it boosts your self-esteem, your mood, and can brighten your day. But at the same time, why do we put so much stock and value on clothes, hair, make-up, size, and overall appearance? It sure makes things tough sometimes.

Weekend in Orlando

I've been spending a great weekend in Orlando. We went to Disney World on Saturday along with Sarah, and had an awesome time. We rode the must-rides such as Thunder Mountain, Splash Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Haunted Mansion, as well as seeing the Carousel of Progress. We walked around Epcot for about the last hour and a half of the day there. It was good fun. That night we went out to a restaurant called Hamburger Mary's for Allison's birthday, and then a bar on Church Street.

I really don't want to go home tomorrow. Mainly I don't want to go back to the stress of school. It is almost over, but I have reached a point where I feel like I can't take it anymore. I will be so happy when we are finished. July 22 will be when I can breathe easy again. *sigh* Can't wait!

I will be meeting my preceptor tomorrow. Hopefully things will go well with her. I'm extremely nervous about it. Worried things won't work, that I will suck, or something. I gotta stop being too hard on myself and just learn as much as I can.

For now I'm watching Royal Wedding with Allison. Fred Astaire is dancing on the walls and ceiling right now.

Showtime has come out with a new show- Nurse Jackie. I was somewhat curious about it, so I decided to watch the pilot episode. I was really disappointed. Sure, it was funny, and honestly I think it gave a somewhat accurate and funny portrayal of what I have observed so far in the lives of nurses. However, they did a crappy job of portraying nurses. Jackie is an awesome nurse, but she is addicted to Vicodin, snorting it throughout the day, and gets it from her doctor friend, who she is also sleeping with- and at the end of the episode you find out she is married with children. On top of that she does a few unethical things in the episode. I guess you couldn't expect much better from Showtime, but I was really hoping it might be a witty and positive portrayal of nurses- and something I might be able to relate to. Nurses get such a bum rap in Hollywood. And I also have to point out- the only male nurse on the episode is as gay as the day is long. Talk about stereotyping? There are some, but most of the ones I have met are straight. Anyway. The whole show annoyed me. I am curious, however, to see where they take the show- whether they take it a better direction eventually or not.

Came across some old xanga posts (remember xanga?) a couple days ago. I enjoyed reading some of them, others were extremely boring and I wonder why I even bothered to share such mundane details (I think I still do that...). I do miss those days though, because I noticed how positive and happy I seemed so much of the time. I had so many hopes for life, and at that time no reason to believe they wouldn't all come true. I miss the rose-colored glasses of those days. Even if I am glad I finally see reality. One dream that is coming true is that of finishing nursing school. I still can't believe it's so close!

Going to Orlando this weekend, and believe me I cannot wait! I'm so ready to have fun, to relax, and not think about school at least for a day or two. I have to come back to meet with my preceptor at 2:00 on Sunday, which is a bit of a bummer but I'm excited to meet her. She sounded nice on the phone.

I'm ready to take on this week- hopefully it won't be too bad. I got some community work done today and feel pretty accomplished.

I realized I have now been in the blog world for over a year now. Missed my anniversary. ;) Hard to believe how much can happen in just a year. The last two years have been really difficult, but really sweet at the same time. I really wouldn't trade it for anything. Which is why I'm trying to keep things in perspective right now. This summer is getting more stressful by the day and I'm beginning to think I might burst at any minute with all of it. Today we found out just how much work is expected for this community project, which is the icing on the cake. But it's all good. In less than two months I will be a college graduate (yikes!!) and this will be behind me.

This weekend is my last transition clinical. Then I move on to my preceptor-ship. I'm anxiously awaiting the e-mail from my instructor informing me of where I will be doing it, and I can't stop checking my e-mail every five minutes! Almost everybody else has gotten their placement so I know mine will be coming soon. The wait is killing me. My friend got placed on the night shift, and I'm worried that will be me too. Well, I'll do what I have to do.

Disney with Allison for her birthday next week. That is what I'm looking forward to right now. I'm ready for a good time.

Relaxed Weekend...

Just spent a relaxing weekend with amazing family for Hannah's graduation celebration. Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt Melissa, Aunt Beth, Aunt Sherry, Katelyn, and Kristen all came down for it. A better time couldn't have been had. I wish days like this could last, but the fact that they are few and far between make them more special when they come.

Having Saturday off of clinical was the best thing ever. I would have missed out on some awesome times. The picture above is after a fun dinner at Olive Garden to celebrate my parent's upcoming 30th wedding anniversary. So more than one special day was celebrated over the weekend.Bought a new pair of sandals at Target this weekend. I haven't bought much in the clothes/shoes/jewelry department for awhile, so I was actually kind of excited about this purchase. These are different, cute, and comfortable. A good shoe for FL if you ask me. Check out all the cute sandals at Target- there are a lot of great ones this year.

Now it's time to get back to the real world. I have taken a hiatus from it this weekend, and know I will regret it (while not really regretting it). Less than two months to go until graduation, and there is so much to do in that time! I feel like we are behind on community hours and am frustrated, but I know it will get done. I need to stop worrying. Take it ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!