The Beach... through the eyes of instagram

I went to the beach with my sister today.  I instagramed some pictures I took so that you would think my life is really glamorous and cute.  I do like instagram, people, but I do think that some over-use it.  Anyway, back to the pictures.

 Did it work? Dang it, my life is still pretty boring, but... the beach was a lot of fun.  You know your Florida natives over the vacationers, because we Floridians go to the beach and just lay there.  We stay an hour, maybe two, and we're done.  We'll come back next week if we feel like it, not gonna sit out there and sweat for six hours!  We never get in the water, splash in the waves.  Now I'm not saying we shouldn't.  I think the last time I did was last July 4, and that had been the first time in years that I could remember playing in the waves.  The sun was not too hot today, and the humidity low.  Ah, summer in Florida!  It is almost here!

There really is nothing better than a relaxing afternoon at the beach.  Digging your toes in the sand, feeling your skin tingle under the heat of the sun, the smell of sunscreen and salt water.  I need to do it more.  After a shower I feel more relaxed right now than I have in a long time.

Back to the grind tomorrow, but I'm ok with it.  I'm going to Disney on Friday and Saturday with my parents and brother.  It'll be a fun little dynamic with the four of us (coming from a family of 7, that doesn't happen often) and I'm looking forward to just having fun like a kid.

May your days be warm and sunny :)

It's kind of funny that yesterday morning I posted on this subject, because later on that day I found this pin on pinterest, and it sparked such an interesting conversation.  This pin basically says that God owes you for giving yourself to Him.  And what does he owe you, none other than a man!!  (Is this stuff preached to men in the church about women?  I'm really curious to know, since I don't have that perspective)  And not just a man, but a man with all the qualities that you have dreamed and prayed for since you were a little girl.

And so here's the truth.  We have idolized the idea of marriage, the perfect man, the perfect life.  Perhaps nobody wants to burst the bubble of a hopeful teenage girl, and can you blame them?  We were so full of life at that age, so full of potential.  Perhaps our parents believed they could mold us into the perfect women, who would lead near-perfect lives and stay within that mold.  Maybe our parents, or pastors or youth leaders desired to help us avoid their own pitfalls and be "better" than that.  At that age, many of us were yet untouched by the coarseness, the hardships of the world.  Wide-eyed and eager, we as impressionable youth absorbed every last bit of what was taught us-- whether it was by words or action.

In my own experience I am left floundering as I try to navigate the world as an adult.  No, it isn't what I thought it would be.  As my mind and my heart grasp for the love I desire, I'm left with the realization that there is only one thing that can fill that.  It isn't a man, it isn't independence, or possessions, security, or even happiness (believe me, as far as the independence, possessions, and security bit go, I know).  There is a promise in the Bible that God's grace is sufficient for me.  That His power is made perfect in weakness.  Coming from a really weak person, I pray for God's sufficient grace, for His perfect power.

Many years ago, God began a good work in me.  And that promise, that promise that He will be FAITHFUL to complete it is truth. The fulfillment of which may be here on earth or in heaven, I don't know.

I might not ever get married.

There's this scene in Kate and Leopold where on a date, Kate shares with Leopold "I'm not very good with men."  His response, "Perhaps you haven't found the right one."  Leopold, of course, is the right one and it all ends happily ever after.  But I think of that, what a thoughtful and truthful reply on his part.

When it comes to men and dating, I fail miserably and can never seem to hit it off with a guy.  And the response I get is so much along the lines of "What is wrong with you?!"  "Why don't you date more?!"  Etc, etc, etc.  A lot of the comments made, often in love, are hurtful and discouraging.  It is always pointed back at me, as if I'm the problem.  And maybe I am.

So often as a young girl, especially in high school and college, I watched chick flicks, read Christian fiction (the worst!) and believed that all of that would fall into place, just like it did for the girls in the stories.  Often it was a quirky, cute, skinny girl (who almost always is portrayed as eating all she wants and being tomboyish yet girly at the same time), meets a confident (albeit a little arrogant- often similar to Mr. Darcy), tall and handsome man by chance.  Cue the unbelievably witty, flirty banter (never awkward, right?) and the rest is history.

What a load of crap, yet we eat it right up!  There's nothing real about it at all.  That kind of crap has set so many women up for failure in relationships.  For a quiet, introverted teen those stories were dangerous, because it created a world for me that didn't exist.

I've come to the conclusion that I might be single for the rest of my life, because I fail so miserably in this arena.  I'm not afraid to admit how badly I want to get married, but the realization that it might not happen is something I have to face.  I'm convinced that if the time is right, God will bring the right one into my life.  I don't believe He is holding out on me at all.  It gets harder and harder all the time when I see one friend after another getting married, then one friend after another starting a family.  I see a pregnant woman and wonder if that will ever be me.  It isn't to say that is a wonderful and perfect life, because life is hard no matter what the circumstances are.


Well, I'm not usually so vulnerable on my blog, but there you have it-- a little piece of my heart.  Just some things that were on my mind today, and felt like getting them out there.

I'm just chilling on this lazy Sunday afternoon.  I have a yummy-smelling rice pudding baking in the oven (head on over to Lindsey's blog to see where I got the awesome recipe that belonged to her great-grandmother-- I take no credit whatsoever for it) and I'm just dying to get to taste it.  AMC has a Brad Pitt marathon, and currently Legends of the Fall is on which I have never seen.  I forgot that Brad Pitt actually was once really good looking.  I always thought he was (mostly remember him from Troy) but the last few years certainly haven't been good to him.  Maybe being the father to sixteen kids has something to do with it.

Anyway, I digress.  I just took the rice pudding out of the oven a little early and it looks delicious!  I think my oven is one of those convection ovens, which seem to bake things a lot quicker than normal ones.  I'm DYING to eat it!

Well, it's back to the grind tomorrow for another three nights of work.  But this month I am working three one, four off every single week!  I'm SO excited, even though I don't like three in a rows.  I love having four off.  And it feels like there might just be a little more routine back in my life.

I have a dream...

Sometimes.... this is true for me too.

You probably have noticed that I've been posting a lot of pictures lately.  Well, the reason for that is I am working on looking for the good, funny, special, or even odd moments of each day and capturing them.  I don't post a lot of them on here, but am trying to go for the highlights.

It really encourages me to actively look for the good in each day, because so often I am prone to only look for the negative.  I think that most people are.  This is my sister and I yesterday, before enjoying a yummy lunch at PF Chang.  Which was even more delicious than I remembered.  I got the honey crispy chicken (I think that's what it was called) and it was soooo good!  Plus, I think I need to incorporate brown rice into my diet.  It is good and filling, as well as good for you!

Also, I am changing up my hairstyle.  Not cutting it, but realized how much I have limited myself because I style it the same exact way all the time.  I haven't put an ounce of product in it for several days (minus conditioner-- but that is a definite must) and have been pleasantly surprised with how much healthier and shinier it is compared to several years ago when I used to straighten and blow dry it all the time.  I haven't used a blow drier in six months, or a hair straightener in six years.  I may look into buying a ceramic curling iron, and styling curls just a little differently than usual.  We'll see.  Also, don't use the above photo as a basis for how I am doing my hair now, as I was lazy and pulled it back in a bun.

And may I suggest one of the best pick-me-ups, watch some re-runs of Whose Line is it Anyway?  Sure to make you laugh!

One of the best perfumes... Now I smell like T Swift.  Can I please be just like her now?

I like to think that is a mockingjay also.

So, you remember I talked about how I've been getting a lot of headaches.  Unfortunately it hasn't really stopped, and last night was no exception.  It hounded me until after 3am.  My attempt to get rid of it, which actually worked for almost an hour, was a bath, candle, and green tea.  Honestly, if you ever have a headache, try just laying down in the bathwater for 20 minutes.  It was strangely miraculous, even if it didn't last long.

Today was a pretty good day, minus sleeping in late (even after working night shift, I hate sleeping in even though I do it all the time!).  I bought a couch-- hooray!  I'm really excited about it.  Nothing fancy, but it's the biggest piece of furniture I've ever bought.  I'll have to post pictures of my apartment once it's here-- so now it will actually look like an adult's apartment rather than some college kid's.

I hung out with my friend Melissa last night, and was really impressed with the decorating that she's done.  Most people I know who live alone (or even with roommates) just sort of put up picture here and there, but she's really made her apartment a warm and inviting environment.  Something mine really lacks right now.  I realized a lot of what has held me back is this hope that this is a temporary situation, me being "on my own."  Like, don't get too comfortable.  That's silly, because I should be able to enjoy the place I'm living and make it my own instead of holding myself back because of the what-if's and maybe's.  I'm not super creative, but I think with a little help from my friend Lauren and Pinterest, I just might actually accomplish something with my little hole in the wall apartment.

And so I am making a goal and posting it where I can't pretend I didn't say it.  I'm going to make a real effort to decorate and make my apartment a warm environment.  There!

Ah, making goals... I feel so motivated.  But I have to do it and not just say it!

Feed the Birds

I've never been a really big animal person.  I mean, I always loved the pets I had, as well as my cat now, and I've always been ok with the general existence of animals, but don't usually care that much about other animals.  However, last week I noticed for the first time, a mother duck with eight ducklings.  The cutest thing I've ever seen!  I've been watching them swim for a few days in the pond outside my front door, and started throwing some bread crumbs to them occasionally.  Yesterday, I was feeding them.  Not even tossing bread crumbs into the water, just the ground, when suddenly out emerges a turtle.  I don't know how much experience you have with turtles, but those things freak out when humans get close to them.  Then another turtle, and another... five of them!  It kinda freaked me out, and then I saw a huge snapping turtle swimming uncomfortably close to the edge and decided not to get too friendly with the turtles (I should tell the story about a snapping turtle biting my toe once).

But today I was feeding them again, and the same thing happened so I took a picture of it.  First I felt like the little old bird woman from Mary Poppins.  Then it got freakishly like Dr. Doolittle.  The ducks are all pretty friendly with me now, and though I would never touch them for fear of catching diseases, it is kinda fun.  They're like my little friends.  I came out of my front door tonight to go hang out with a friend, and the mother duck walked with her ducklings all the way around the pond to get closer to me.  Probably not a habit I should form, feeding animals outside my apartment.  One day I'll open my door and they'll all be waiting on the patio.

But it really is neat how much life is out there, and I don't even think about it.  Nature is so cool, even if it is in a man-made retention pond.

If you are anywhere in the northeast Florida or southeast Georgia regions, you are probably well aware of the wildfires and thick smoke in the air.  Today was almost unbearable.  I don't know if the pictures above do it justice, but the air is thick with smoke.  Even for someone like me who doesn't generally have issues when it get smoky, it has been miserable and difficult to breathe even indoors.

And for good measure I added a picture of me and my kitty Albus.  Isn't he cute?!

I think I am starting to develop cluster headaches.  I've been having really bad headaches that last between two and four hours, starting late afternoon and lasting into the early evening or later.  Upon doing some research, cluster headaches seems to be what it is.  So while I thought I've been coming down with something, it seems that cluster headaches is what it might be.  The problem is, I've never had frequent headaches.

I was thinking it also might be related to my blood pressure.  Yeah, I'm 24 and already dealing with hypertension.  I need to go to the doctor, I know.  So anyway, I tend to run systolic between 130s-140s, diastolic anywhere between 80-90.  I'm genetically pre-disposed to it, thanks a lot, Dad!  So anyway, tonight toward the end of my headache I drove up to the drug store and checked my bp.  150/81.  So I invested in an automatic bp machine so I can track it.  I've been tracking it at work, but I decided that is not an accurate way to do it since it is already going to be elevated from the stress.

Hoping to feel better within the next few days.  I have a lot more respect for people who deal with frequent headaches be it migraines or cluster, because it makes me exhausted and feel like all I want to do is sleep once they are over.

Easter

We called him "The Holiday Gorilla."

And then.... this happened.

Oops, I really thought we were all smiling in this one.

See, we can be normal!

The Toby's.
Hannah had to come late because of writing a paper, but she made it!

This is what happens when you get Bears and Kerchers together for Easter. Lots of fun pictures. Not having any of our extended family in town over the years, I have always felt like the Kerchers were our family. We went and saw Hunger Games last night after the festivities. It just gets better and better!

Upon our post-movie discussion, Lauren and I came to two conclusions. If we lived in Panem, who would we be? If I were thrust into the Hunger Games and forced to fight in the arena, I'm sure I would be just like Foxface. I like to think I am clever and could easily hide from people, surviving for a long time but never wanting to actually be apart of the bloodshed until absolutely necessary. However, upon further discussion, Lauren and I figured we'd probably be spoiled members of the Capitol. Crap.

Anyway, a good weekend was had and now another week begins. I was supposed to work tonight, but due to a hurt back and not feeling so well (sore throat coming on), I called out. I'll go back Thursday night and hopefully feel better by then. Have a good week, all!

Two things I am loving:

Naked Juice. Have you tried this? It is SO good. A lot of my co-workers will drink this while they are charting or on their break, and rave about how good it is. Honestly, I always thought they looked a little gross. The color of the smoothies can be a little disconcerting and a turn-off at first. I finally tried the strawberry banana one and the blue machine. Filling, and a good substitute for a meal if you are busy or on the go.

Oikos Organic Greek Yogurt. I've seen a lot of those commercials for Greek yogurt and wondered what all the fuss about Greek yogurt was over regular yogurt. I still don't get why it's the "in" thing, but I tried it and it is delicious. It is of a much thicker consistency than regular yogurt, which in my opinion makes it a lot better.

Yesterday I went to the beach with my friend Lauren. It was a good, relaxing time. I did get quite a sunburn... yow! Hopefully it'll turn into a little more of a tan after a week or so (it usually does) but right now I am in a lot of pain. I had to run up to Target to get aloe lotion. I can smell summer-- and I'm loving it! I've decided that even though I love cool weather, too much of those dreary winter months (even in Florida) can really affect my mood. Already after a little sun, I'm feeling much better than I have in awhile.

And how many girls does it take to air up four tires? Apparently it takes two of us exactly four minutes. Between Lauren airing them up and me checking the tire pressure, and accidentally letting too much air out, it was a ridiculous scene with us running around the car trying to get it all finished in time.

I've still got a touch of a headache from yesterday's fun in the sun. I'm looking forward to the next several months of heat (yes, I know I will be eating those words come July and August), afternoon showers, and relaxing.