Today was a good day spent with friends. I slept in way too late after not being able to sleep until about 3 am this morning. But by 2:00 I made it over to Amanda's house, and we headed off to the town center to hang out with Tricia and do some shopping.
And so, I'm taking up a new hobby: gardening. I don't know if you can call it a hobby really, since all I have done is buy some flowers, soil, pots, and a watering can, but I could make it to that level. My mom has been telling me lately she thinks I will end up with a green thumb, so I figure why not try my hand at it. I'm starting out just by potting plants, but we have a nice little patio with a pretty good-sized area for gardening-- so maybe when I come back from out of town I can get started on that. Have I ever mentioned that my grandma had the most beautiful flower beds? Actually, both of my grandmas. My mom also used to garden quite a bit also. So it's in my blood-- I must be able to do it!
I have been in dire need of a hobby. Not just since December, but basically since I've been out of nursing school and working full time. Last week someone at work asked me what I did for fun... maybe a few years ago I might have had an answer, but I came up empty when thinking about it. I mean, I hang out with friends on occasion, but if you asked me what I do for fun simply because it's something I enjoy, I don't think I'd have an answer right now. It seems like all through life you work towards a goal-- and that goal seems to give you a lot of direction in life. Now, out of school, having attained that so-called goal I had for years, it just feels like a rat race at times.
I don't expect to find any direction or purpose in gardening (of course it's silly to think that) but I do hope that my time might be a little better spent with a hobby. Who knows, I may find I love gardening. Or I may find I hate it, and have to go searching for another hobby.
I hope you have a wonderful week!!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
I finally watched season eight of 24. I have to say, while it was one of the best seasons of all, it was, in my opinion, the worst way to end the entire series. There were too many questions unanswered, and it was just sad. I also didn't like how they made Jack lose a lot of his humanity in this season. Although I suppose a life of being a rogue hero, always being chased by the government, will do that to a person.
I hung out with my sister Hannah this weekend. We Red Box-ed two movies this weekend, Knowing and Letters to Juliet. I actually really liked the movie Knowing and it was my second time watching it. It's about the end of the world. Cliche, I know. Even though it definitely takes a secular view (but does bring in questions about faith in relation to the end of the world), it is very thought-provoking. People going about their daily lives, with a series of catastrophic events (i.e. tsunamis, earthquakes, terrorist attacks) leading up to the ultimate catastrophe-- the end of it all. It makes you think, or at least made me think, about whether or not I'm ready for the end of the world, for the return of Jesus. The main character is given a series of predictions of these catastrophes, and he admits that he thought there was a purpose in being given these predictions-- but how can he stop the end of the world? The movie asks a lot of questions, with no real answers given, but I honestly think it's worth watching.
Life has gotten back to a somewhat normal rhythm. There are still days I have a hard time. I ate breakfast with one of my work buddies after work this week. I found out she is someone who has dealt with a lot of grief in her life, and shared with her about what I've been going through. I realized my feelings are indeed normal. One of the things she told me is that after you lose someone you were close to, you will never go back to being the same person. She shared that she has wanted so much to go back to "normal," to being "herself," but she can't. Let me just tell you, there was a lot of relief for me from that conversation, and hope for at least some brighter days. We talked about how the sad part is, we are young, and for us losses are just beginning. You can't dwell on that... you can only enjoy the time you have with the ones you love and not dwell on what was, or what could be.
Next week we are going back north for my grandma's service. I'm definitely looking forward to that, and thankfully my boss gave me some bereavement so I don't have to worry about taking extra paid time off. I think it will be a good family time, and our grief together won't be so fresh. One thing I can say, is the last few months have made me so thankful for my family.
This is supposed to be a rainy, stormy week! Although I was looking forward to a beach trip with friends, I will also take the rain. I do enjoy rainy days.
I hung out with my sister Hannah this weekend. We Red Box-ed two movies this weekend, Knowing and Letters to Juliet. I actually really liked the movie Knowing and it was my second time watching it. It's about the end of the world. Cliche, I know. Even though it definitely takes a secular view (but does bring in questions about faith in relation to the end of the world), it is very thought-provoking. People going about their daily lives, with a series of catastrophic events (i.e. tsunamis, earthquakes, terrorist attacks) leading up to the ultimate catastrophe-- the end of it all. It makes you think, or at least made me think, about whether or not I'm ready for the end of the world, for the return of Jesus. The main character is given a series of predictions of these catastrophes, and he admits that he thought there was a purpose in being given these predictions-- but how can he stop the end of the world? The movie asks a lot of questions, with no real answers given, but I honestly think it's worth watching.
Life has gotten back to a somewhat normal rhythm. There are still days I have a hard time. I ate breakfast with one of my work buddies after work this week. I found out she is someone who has dealt with a lot of grief in her life, and shared with her about what I've been going through. I realized my feelings are indeed normal. One of the things she told me is that after you lose someone you were close to, you will never go back to being the same person. She shared that she has wanted so much to go back to "normal," to being "herself," but she can't. Let me just tell you, there was a lot of relief for me from that conversation, and hope for at least some brighter days. We talked about how the sad part is, we are young, and for us losses are just beginning. You can't dwell on that... you can only enjoy the time you have with the ones you love and not dwell on what was, or what could be.
Next week we are going back north for my grandma's service. I'm definitely looking forward to that, and thankfully my boss gave me some bereavement so I don't have to worry about taking extra paid time off. I think it will be a good family time, and our grief together won't be so fresh. One thing I can say, is the last few months have made me so thankful for my family.
This is supposed to be a rainy, stormy week! Although I was looking forward to a beach trip with friends, I will also take the rain. I do enjoy rainy days.
Monday, March 21, 2011
I haven't talked much about my trip up north. I suppose I will now.
I got up there the 1st, and I guess I did write some about it while I was there. Melissa works a late shift, often not getting home until about 1 am. So we would stay up until 3 or 4 each night, watching movies or tv shows or SNL digital shorts on the computer. Each day while she was at work, I would go to visit my Grandma in the hospital, which was such a sweet time. We would just talk, sit quietly, watch tv, or take naps. Nothing special, really, but it was special because it was with Grandma. I really thought she was getting better at that time. Looking back, I don't know if it really seemed like she was, or if I was just blinded to the reality of it all.
On Saturday the 5th, a whole bunch of the family helped move some of Grandma's furniture from her house to the assisted living facility where she was to be moving the following Monday. That was a fun time with family, and the next day Grandma gave us money to go to Applebee's for lunch because she wanted us all to have that time together. It was a good time together, just talking, laughing, reminiscing, looking to the future, that kind of thing. Would we have wanted to know what was coming, to be prepared? I don't think so, but it is a bittersweet thing to look back on that time: such joy and happiness and reunion followed by sadness and good-byes.
Melissa and I talk about how that first week seems like an eternity ago, like another lifetime.
Monday Melissa and I took a drive up to see my other grandparents for the day, which was awesome. On the way over we did get a worried phone call from our Aunt Marietta, who had picked Grandma up from the hospital and said things didn't look like they were going well. It was on our drive home that night we found out she was re-admitted through the ER, non-responsive, and we were told that "this is it."
This is it. Those words hold a lot of tragedy and weight in this situation... it being the end. It being good bye, even if only for a little while. It being the end of an era in our family. It being the possible beginning to a new era, which has yet to be determined. It being no more Grandma and Grandpa in our lives. It being the task of letting go... which I have come to find the hardest part of grief.
Letting go of Christmases I once knew... walks in the neighborhood with Grandma and Grandpa... trips to the lighthouse, or Okefenokee Swamp, or Kingsley Plantation... peaches from across the river... walks back and forth down the street between cousins' and grandparents'... so, so many more memories. Yet, those things were already gone. I knew we were never going to have them back, but it seems that with Grandma and Grandpa being gone, there is a true end to it all. And I feel like if I let go, with that it's gone. I have to move on, and I don't want to move on. I would rather be sad and remember, than happy and forget. And I know we aren't supposed to forget, but I also know that I'm too sentimental and it's dangerous for me to get lost in memories.
I feel like I sound really dramatic. I sound like I'm drowning in my sorrows, and I suppose I kind of am. The reality is, I really don't know how to deal with grief at all. How do life and death exist simultaneously? It's as if there's a curtain between them, and at any given moment anyone can slip to the other side with no return. I'm so glad I can rest in the knowledge that these two wonderful people I love are in the presence of Jesus. That is the comfort in all of this. But the part I hate is that we who are left behind miss them so much. We have to go on without them, these wonderful people who have always been there. Life goes on. The world doesn't stop turning, but I feel like I've stopped functioning. I feel as though for three months I've lived like this, and I don't know how to get out of it. I've hardly even hung out with friends, except those I've known longest who let me just sit and cry.
On the upside, I did go and get my oil changed today. And I'm going to get some grocery shopping done here in a little bit, so life has yet to yield some productivity. I'm sad, but I know God is good. It doesn't mean He's going to fix my problems, or somehow give me a magical happy pill. I have to learn to lean on Him and trust Him in all of this... and maybe that is what I have to learn from it. "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." -Psalm 126:5&6 I'm praying that from this I will one day reap with a song of joy...
I got up there the 1st, and I guess I did write some about it while I was there. Melissa works a late shift, often not getting home until about 1 am. So we would stay up until 3 or 4 each night, watching movies or tv shows or SNL digital shorts on the computer. Each day while she was at work, I would go to visit my Grandma in the hospital, which was such a sweet time. We would just talk, sit quietly, watch tv, or take naps. Nothing special, really, but it was special because it was with Grandma. I really thought she was getting better at that time. Looking back, I don't know if it really seemed like she was, or if I was just blinded to the reality of it all.
On Saturday the 5th, a whole bunch of the family helped move some of Grandma's furniture from her house to the assisted living facility where she was to be moving the following Monday. That was a fun time with family, and the next day Grandma gave us money to go to Applebee's for lunch because she wanted us all to have that time together. It was a good time together, just talking, laughing, reminiscing, looking to the future, that kind of thing. Would we have wanted to know what was coming, to be prepared? I don't think so, but it is a bittersweet thing to look back on that time: such joy and happiness and reunion followed by sadness and good-byes.
Melissa and I talk about how that first week seems like an eternity ago, like another lifetime.
Monday Melissa and I took a drive up to see my other grandparents for the day, which was awesome. On the way over we did get a worried phone call from our Aunt Marietta, who had picked Grandma up from the hospital and said things didn't look like they were going well. It was on our drive home that night we found out she was re-admitted through the ER, non-responsive, and we were told that "this is it."
This is it. Those words hold a lot of tragedy and weight in this situation... it being the end. It being good bye, even if only for a little while. It being the end of an era in our family. It being the possible beginning to a new era, which has yet to be determined. It being no more Grandma and Grandpa in our lives. It being the task of letting go... which I have come to find the hardest part of grief.
Letting go of Christmases I once knew... walks in the neighborhood with Grandma and Grandpa... trips to the lighthouse, or Okefenokee Swamp, or Kingsley Plantation... peaches from across the river... walks back and forth down the street between cousins' and grandparents'... so, so many more memories. Yet, those things were already gone. I knew we were never going to have them back, but it seems that with Grandma and Grandpa being gone, there is a true end to it all. And I feel like if I let go, with that it's gone. I have to move on, and I don't want to move on. I would rather be sad and remember, than happy and forget. And I know we aren't supposed to forget, but I also know that I'm too sentimental and it's dangerous for me to get lost in memories.
I feel like I sound really dramatic. I sound like I'm drowning in my sorrows, and I suppose I kind of am. The reality is, I really don't know how to deal with grief at all. How do life and death exist simultaneously? It's as if there's a curtain between them, and at any given moment anyone can slip to the other side with no return. I'm so glad I can rest in the knowledge that these two wonderful people I love are in the presence of Jesus. That is the comfort in all of this. But the part I hate is that we who are left behind miss them so much. We have to go on without them, these wonderful people who have always been there. Life goes on. The world doesn't stop turning, but I feel like I've stopped functioning. I feel as though for three months I've lived like this, and I don't know how to get out of it. I've hardly even hung out with friends, except those I've known longest who let me just sit and cry.
On the upside, I did go and get my oil changed today. And I'm going to get some grocery shopping done here in a little bit, so life has yet to yield some productivity. I'm sad, but I know God is good. It doesn't mean He's going to fix my problems, or somehow give me a magical happy pill. I have to learn to lean on Him and trust Him in all of this... and maybe that is what I have to learn from it. "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." -Psalm 126:5&6 I'm praying that from this I will one day reap with a song of joy...
Sunday, March 20, 2011
It's been hard getting back into any real routine in life since coming home. However, being back at work this week was good for me.
As for life, there really isn't much of anything to share. Maybe soon I'll be back on here with something of substance... until then, bear with me... or don't.
I've spent a lot of the last week at home with my family. Even invaded their house for the weekend and that's where I am right now. Tomorrow I suppose I need to get back to the town house for real and do some grocery shopping, maybe a little cleaning.
I realized that since December, I've become a person I never used to be. Obviously I've always been an introvert, but since things have started happening with family, I feel as though I've become more withdrawn than ever. I find myself living in fear of any more loss in my life... probably what keeps me close to my family during this time, which itself isn't a bad thing. However I'm finding myself anxious, which makes me less able to cope with life. No energy to do anything, really, and I keep thinking when will this pass?
As for life, there really isn't much of anything to share. Maybe soon I'll be back on here with something of substance... until then, bear with me... or don't.
I've spent a lot of the last week at home with my family. Even invaded their house for the weekend and that's where I am right now. Tomorrow I suppose I need to get back to the town house for real and do some grocery shopping, maybe a little cleaning.
I realized that since December, I've become a person I never used to be. Obviously I've always been an introvert, but since things have started happening with family, I feel as though I've become more withdrawn than ever. I find myself living in fear of any more loss in my life... probably what keeps me close to my family during this time, which itself isn't a bad thing. However I'm finding myself anxious, which makes me less able to cope with life. No energy to do anything, really, and I keep thinking when will this pass?
Thursday, March 17, 2011
July 2010I don't know that other than when my Grandpa died, I've ever truly grieved before. When Grandpa died, we were all very sad. But in a sense, we had been prepared for this for a couple of years as his health had been declining. Since my Grandmother died, I have watched various members of my family, myself included, go through waves of normalcy, devastation, denial, and it seems to cycle through those three states of mind.
I've never understood those who grieve in the past. It sounds awful, but at times I wondered why a person could struggle so hard to go back to normalcy when losing a loved one. However, I'm quickly realizing just how hard it really is. I laid on my bed yesterday in tears, and had to call out of work because I couldn't pull myself together.
I kind of don't care what people think when I tell them my grandparents died and they wonder why I'm in such a state of complete and utter devastation. Draw your own conclusions. Maybe I'm selfish, maybe I'm dramatic, maybe I don't know how to deal with loss, or maybe I am just emotionally unstable. I don't know if this grieving is normal, but it's how I'm grieving. The reality is, we have lost a wonderful Grandmother and friend, and one who we thought we would have for a long time yet.
We were reading one of my Grandmother's diaries from 1942 yesterday. It was very sweet, but in reading it I realized how much alike she and I are, and I never realized that before. She was easily anxious, emotional, and shy. As I read entries she wrote as a 19 year old girl, I realized that life hasn't always been easy for her, nor has it for my Grandpa. Life threw a lot of curve balls at them, they experienced losses greater than I can yet imagine. I don't suppose you develop the strength of character they did without experiencing struggles in life.
I remember when 2011 began, saying to myself that this year had to be better. Obviously it hasn't been so far, but I'm realizing something. I can't measure life by its tragedies and joys. Sure, one year may seem better than another, but life isn't about protecting yourself from heartache, and at the end of the year coming out in the clear. I don't know, maybe I'm completely off in this. If I hadn't loved so fiercely, this wouldn't have hurt so much. So maybe the point is to just enjoy the time you have with loved ones because you never know when your last moments may be. And don't be afraid to love. Those hours I spent sitting in the hospital room, while my Grandma was still seemingly well that first week, were so precious. I can't even believe God gave that to me-- what a gift!
Well, again, it's time for me to close or I'll just end up writing a book on here. Forgive me for my ramblings, but it has been therapeutic for me to talk about my dear Grandparents.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Seeing my dear Grandma in those last days was difficult. I've had to remind myself of the Grandma from 15 years ago, or even just last summer. The Grandma full of life and energy.
To know this woman was to love her. She was simply amazing. She had a heart full of love for everyone she knew, even to the end. She never put herself first, not once (even in the hospital bed, hardly able to breathe, she still had concern for everyone but herself). She lived to serve and love others before herself. She had a laugh that was infectious.
We found letters between her and my Grandpa from the war. As I read some of them (there are hundreds), I can see even then how loving and selfless she was. She was my age when she married my Grandpa. He always only had good things to say about her. We found a Valentine note in their room that he wrote to her in 2002, so beautiful and loving and tender. After all those years, they were still in love with each other.
My heart hurts and it will for a long time. There is a huge void where those good people once were.
"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." -Psalm 126:5&6
I realize that losing one's grandparents isn't the most devastating event that can occur. Death in old age is a very normal part of life. However, losing my grandparents has been like losing two very wonderful friends. They were two of my biggest encouragers, they rooted for me in all that I did. They were my pen pals throughout most of my life. They taught me to love, to see the best in people. From my Grandpa I learned the value of hard work and education and finding the good in any situation, no matter how difficult. From my Grandma I learned the value of being a woman of virtue, one who saw the best in every person, one whose family could do nothing but sing her praises. Has anyone ever had a bad word to say about my Grandmother? I don't think so. You would be hard pressed to find any one person that could have ever had anything negative to say about her.
I miss them. Plain and simple, I want them here with us on earth. I know they are in heaven, reunited, happy and whole with Jesus. I don't really know exactly what heaven will be like... but my aunt said she thinks of the verse how no eye has seen nor ear has heard nor mind can understand all that the Lord has prepared for those who love Him. (I realize I haven't quoted it quite perfectly...) And she believes this speaks of heaven, how we can't even begin to imagine how wonderful it will be. I think of all the best things I've had in life, and even that can't compare to how heaven will be. Will we know each other, will I be able to hug my Grandma and Grandpa and tell them how much I missed them? Will I remember how much I missed their absence on this earth? I don't know. The joy will be so overwhelming...
Right now it is my hope of heaven that keeps me going. I will see them again. As my Grandma laid on her death bed in those last hours, I looked at her and realized something amazing. For her, life was really only beginning. It wasn't the end, really. No, this was where it all was beginning for her. I wonder what her reunion in heaven was like? Did Aunt Georgia and Great Grandpa run to meet her? Aunt Georgia probably exclaimed how "loverly" it was to finally see her again. Was Grandpa taking one of his daily walks, and asking her to join him? Are they walking hand-in-hand right now? I don't know. I do know that she received a "Well done, good and faithful servant" from Jesus.
I need to stop writing now, because I'm sure I could ramble on and on for hours about my dear grandparents. I will be happy again, I must believe that. Life has yet to bring more joys and sorrows, and I have to carry on. Another look through my childhood scrap book today, and I found a note from Grandpa that I seemed to have missed in December:
"Your letter just now arrived when I was on the internet. I want you to have a good day. I know you miss us and we miss you, but we have to take life as it comes to us and enjoy it. You do have a good life in Florida. Say hello to everyone for me. Keep writing. Keep your letters coming. Keep the faith. Love, Grandpa."
To know this woman was to love her. She was simply amazing. She had a heart full of love for everyone she knew, even to the end. She never put herself first, not once (even in the hospital bed, hardly able to breathe, she still had concern for everyone but herself). She lived to serve and love others before herself. She had a laugh that was infectious.
We found letters between her and my Grandpa from the war. As I read some of them (there are hundreds), I can see even then how loving and selfless she was. She was my age when she married my Grandpa. He always only had good things to say about her. We found a Valentine note in their room that he wrote to her in 2002, so beautiful and loving and tender. After all those years, they were still in love with each other.
My heart hurts and it will for a long time. There is a huge void where those good people once were.
"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." -Psalm 126:5&6
I realize that losing one's grandparents isn't the most devastating event that can occur. Death in old age is a very normal part of life. However, losing my grandparents has been like losing two very wonderful friends. They were two of my biggest encouragers, they rooted for me in all that I did. They were my pen pals throughout most of my life. They taught me to love, to see the best in people. From my Grandpa I learned the value of hard work and education and finding the good in any situation, no matter how difficult. From my Grandma I learned the value of being a woman of virtue, one who saw the best in every person, one whose family could do nothing but sing her praises. Has anyone ever had a bad word to say about my Grandmother? I don't think so. You would be hard pressed to find any one person that could have ever had anything negative to say about her.
I miss them. Plain and simple, I want them here with us on earth. I know they are in heaven, reunited, happy and whole with Jesus. I don't really know exactly what heaven will be like... but my aunt said she thinks of the verse how no eye has seen nor ear has heard nor mind can understand all that the Lord has prepared for those who love Him. (I realize I haven't quoted it quite perfectly...) And she believes this speaks of heaven, how we can't even begin to imagine how wonderful it will be. I think of all the best things I've had in life, and even that can't compare to how heaven will be. Will we know each other, will I be able to hug my Grandma and Grandpa and tell them how much I missed them? Will I remember how much I missed their absence on this earth? I don't know. The joy will be so overwhelming...
Right now it is my hope of heaven that keeps me going. I will see them again. As my Grandma laid on her death bed in those last hours, I looked at her and realized something amazing. For her, life was really only beginning. It wasn't the end, really. No, this was where it all was beginning for her. I wonder what her reunion in heaven was like? Did Aunt Georgia and Great Grandpa run to meet her? Aunt Georgia probably exclaimed how "loverly" it was to finally see her again. Was Grandpa taking one of his daily walks, and asking her to join him? Are they walking hand-in-hand right now? I don't know. I do know that she received a "Well done, good and faithful servant" from Jesus.
I need to stop writing now, because I'm sure I could ramble on and on for hours about my dear grandparents. I will be happy again, I must believe that. Life has yet to bring more joys and sorrows, and I have to carry on. Another look through my childhood scrap book today, and I found a note from Grandpa that I seemed to have missed in December:
"Your letter just now arrived when I was on the internet. I want you to have a good day. I know you miss us and we miss you, but we have to take life as it comes to us and enjoy it. You do have a good life in Florida. Say hello to everyone for me. Keep writing. Keep your letters coming. Keep the faith. Love, Grandpa."
Monday, March 14, 2011
gIt is with much grief and a heavy heart that I write this. My dear, dear Grandma passed away on Friday at 10:12 am, surrounded by family she loved. It all happened so fast. Long story short, she was doing well and early Monday morning she had difficulty breathing. Somehow she was still discharged to an assisted living facility, where she quickly took a turn for the worst and ended up back in the ER. Tuesday morning she shared that she wanted everybody to come and see her, because she knew the end was near-- as did all of us.
Thus ensued one of the most beautiful and yet one of the most painful three days I have ever experienced. My family flew in late that night, as well as various other cousins who have moved around the country. She talked about her impending death, telling us she wasn't "in the least bit frightful." We read Scripture to her, we sang hymns around her bed. Everyone made it in time to see her. She held on more than two days to see those who could not make it right away. We all loved her so much. The image of her three sons, my dad and his brothers, sitting around her bed as she was ushered into eternity is one I will never forget as long as I live.
My heart feels empty. Grandpa's death was extremely difficult, but Grandma's was just a terrible finality to it all. They are gone. Their house sits empty, a skeleton of the memories we once made there. She went so, so quickly and unexpectedly. None of us knew this was coming. We all thought she would make it through this. Grandma was always the healthy one. She was not supposed to go like this.
And so, after almost two weeks--the first being one of happiness and reunion-- I am home. Life will go on, and I hope my heart will heal. I don't see how, but I pray it will.
Thus ensued one of the most beautiful and yet one of the most painful three days I have ever experienced. My family flew in late that night, as well as various other cousins who have moved around the country. She talked about her impending death, telling us she wasn't "in the least bit frightful." We read Scripture to her, we sang hymns around her bed. Everyone made it in time to see her. She held on more than two days to see those who could not make it right away. We all loved her so much. The image of her three sons, my dad and his brothers, sitting around her bed as she was ushered into eternity is one I will never forget as long as I live.
My heart feels empty. Grandpa's death was extremely difficult, but Grandma's was just a terrible finality to it all. They are gone. Their house sits empty, a skeleton of the memories we once made there. She went so, so quickly and unexpectedly. None of us knew this was coming. We all thought she would make it through this. Grandma was always the healthy one. She was not supposed to go like this.
And so, after almost two weeks--the first being one of happiness and reunion-- I am home. Life will go on, and I hope my heart will heal. I don't see how, but I pray it will.
Friday, March 4, 2011
I'm sitting here and my toes feel like they are about to freeze off. Ok, ok it isn't that cold. Maybe 50 degrees. I sat outside of Starbucks with my cousin Carrie tonight pretty comfortably. But I guess you could say I'm starting to appreciate a Florida spring, at least a little bit. I'm thinking THE BEACH when I get home!
I'm waiting for Melissa, who works the late shift, to get home from work. We've had some pretty late nights watching the Bachelor and just enjoying each others' company, but it's always followed by a late morning so it evens out. I visited my grandma for a few hours in the hospital today. Hopefully I'm not too much of an annoyance when I'm sitting in there and she many want to be resting, but I repeatedly tell her that if she's tired to tell me and I'll leave. She seems to just enjoy having company, so I'm glad to be there with her. I also got to talk to the nurse who let me read the x-ray report, and it looks better than the one that was done last week. So, that's a plus! Grandma's spirits were definitely lifted after hearing that news.
I'm careful not to share with the staff at the hospital that I'm a nurse. I hate, I mean hate when family members do that to me at work. My grandma occasionally likes to announce it, but I've decided not to take that pleasure away from her since I know she's proud to tell people. However, I think I was kind of the annoying family member today questioning that nurse. She may have gotten the vibe that I knew what I was talking about (I really don't all that much), but I never did tell her.
Even in the hospital, Grandma likes to kind of play hostess. Making sure I'm comfortable, giving me one of her pillows for my back, or insisting I join her with the ice cream sundaes or root beer floats they serve the patients. I felt a little silly asking the tech to give me a sundae, but Grandma wouldn't let me refuse when I said I didn't want one. So, she's still the same Grandma. She keeps her bedside tray very tidied up. If a paper is crooked or there's something out of place, she fixes it.
Tomorrow, hopefully a morning (but not too early) trip to Kaldi's, the best coffee shop ever! Then, on to conquer the rest of the day.
I'm waiting for Melissa, who works the late shift, to get home from work. We've had some pretty late nights watching the Bachelor and just enjoying each others' company, but it's always followed by a late morning so it evens out. I visited my grandma for a few hours in the hospital today. Hopefully I'm not too much of an annoyance when I'm sitting in there and she many want to be resting, but I repeatedly tell her that if she's tired to tell me and I'll leave. She seems to just enjoy having company, so I'm glad to be there with her. I also got to talk to the nurse who let me read the x-ray report, and it looks better than the one that was done last week. So, that's a plus! Grandma's spirits were definitely lifted after hearing that news.
I'm careful not to share with the staff at the hospital that I'm a nurse. I hate, I mean hate when family members do that to me at work. My grandma occasionally likes to announce it, but I've decided not to take that pleasure away from her since I know she's proud to tell people. However, I think I was kind of the annoying family member today questioning that nurse. She may have gotten the vibe that I knew what I was talking about (I really don't all that much), but I never did tell her.
Even in the hospital, Grandma likes to kind of play hostess. Making sure I'm comfortable, giving me one of her pillows for my back, or insisting I join her with the ice cream sundaes or root beer floats they serve the patients. I felt a little silly asking the tech to give me a sundae, but Grandma wouldn't let me refuse when I said I didn't want one. So, she's still the same Grandma. She keeps her bedside tray very tidied up. If a paper is crooked or there's something out of place, she fixes it.
Tomorrow, hopefully a morning (but not too early) trip to Kaldi's, the best coffee shop ever! Then, on to conquer the rest of the day.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I flew into St. Louis last night at 11:00 pm. Joined Melissa for her last half hour of work, came home to watch the Bachelor, and went to bed at 3:30 am. Woke up at 9:00. Then, we went and saw Grandma! She looks much better than I expected. Still a little weak, but honestly I was expecting much worse from the reports I was getting about her. We are moving her into an assisted living facility, which will be best for her for now.
The weather is crisp- not too cold, around the 30s and 40s. I think it may have even been in the 50s today. I'm told that is unusual for March in these parts. I rented a nice little 2010 Corolla, and am enjoying zipping around in that little car. Of course in Missouri driving 65 is considered "zipping around" (their speed limit is 60 on the interstate).
This week seems to promise to be a good one. I saw my Great Uncle Dick (my dear Aunt Georgia's husband) and my Uncle Philip, and that was a good visit. I also saw my dad's cousin David. I'll be hanging out with my totally awesome cousin Carrie tomorrow night, always a good time.
I hope you all have a great week!
The weather is crisp- not too cold, around the 30s and 40s. I think it may have even been in the 50s today. I'm told that is unusual for March in these parts. I rented a nice little 2010 Corolla, and am enjoying zipping around in that little car. Of course in Missouri driving 65 is considered "zipping around" (their speed limit is 60 on the interstate).
This week seems to promise to be a good one. I saw my Great Uncle Dick (my dear Aunt Georgia's husband) and my Uncle Philip, and that was a good visit. I also saw my dad's cousin David. I'll be hanging out with my totally awesome cousin Carrie tomorrow night, always a good time.
I hope you all have a great week!
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