Nothing to name this

It has been several days since I last posted. I have been really discouraged. Nothing has seemed to be working out with a job. I had thought something would work out, then it didn't, and so I began applying elsewhere for jobs, I was given false hope of being hired at a certain place, and so on. Finally my mom came to me today and seriously sat down, telling me I really need to think about looking for a job. Which I have been doing, but not successfully. Anyway, it is really embarrassing for me to go this long without a job, no school, pretty much nothing to do. I don't enjoy it at all.

God is just so good! I have been praying about my first particular opportunity, and felt so frustrated because it wasn't happening when I wanted it to. Ideally I would've liked to have started a week or so ago. After Mom talked to me I came to my room and just prayed that God would lay it upon this person's heart to call me today, because I was beginning to get frustrated about what to do at this point. Do I keep pursuing other jobs and lose the chance of getting this job? I don't know. But, while I was eating lunch, my phone rang and it was her! Anyway, I was so excited because that was exactly what I had asked for. And even though it's little, it just meant so much to me. God is so good at reminding me of His goodness even in something so small as this. He is taking care of me. I still don't have money at the moment, and probably still won't start work for another week or two, but today was just a sign of His goodness. I just felt joy well up in me during that phone call. Doesn't that sound dumb? But it's true!

Recently my mom, Hannah, and I have become fascinated by the Left Behind movies. My mom happened to be flipping through the channels the other day and came upon one of them and starting watching it. I had always assumed they would be really dumb so I never watched them, but I got sucked in too. So the past few nights we've rented them and watched them. They are actually pretty good, too! Not high quality or the most awesome acting, but all around I really like them. And hello, Kirk Cameron is in them! ;) I read the books a long time ago and decided to check them out at the library again and I'm re-reading them. I have a lot of time on my hands, believe me. They really are interesting. Not that I agree with them. Honestly I'm not sure what I believe about end times. It is enough for me that God knows what is going to happen. He has already planned it. It is as good as done, so why worry about it? It scares me, but God is in control and I'm so thankful for that. The way things look right now I don't think it's too far off. I'm scared and excited at the same time.

But like I said, I don't really have any definite opinions and I don't think it's something we should dwell on to the point of obsession. Though I can't wait to see how all of history fits together, like a beautiful piece of music from beginning to end. I don't think we'll get to heaven and understand everything- we will be perfect but not all-knowing. But I sure hope God does let us see things from beginning to end. But I guess we know the beginning, and really we know the end now. Christ victorious. :)

Sad

This year I am the director of teens for VBS. I did it last year and it went so well! We had almost 100 teens helping, things went smoothly. I'm just starting to feel really discouraged about it right now. I only have maybe 40 or 50 teens signed up so far. Things don't seem to be falling into place. It is very discouraging to see the lack of involvement in general for it this year. VBS used to be such a huge deal up until just two years ago, so I don't know what's going on. I was so excited to do this job this year, and now I'm wondering why I decided to do it. But God can do big things with it. I'm putting too much stock into our human capabilities and I need to trust God. I need to do that with a lot of things right now.

I don't know what's going on at Pinewood. Maybe I have put too much faith in it. I have gone there since I was 4 years old, and it has been the one constant in my life through so much. I still love my church and I don't plan on leaving any time soon. I would like to get more involved because my first impulse was to become uninvolved. Well we'll see what happens. God has a plan.

More pictures

This is my clinical group from rehab the second half of the semester! So much fun. I will always love remembering all the good times I had with that group. I'm sad because I won't get to be in clinical with most of them this year. :( But it was some good times I won't forget.



Me and Allison. This picture epitomizes our relationship. Do you know what we are doing? We are imitating Orlando Bloom, Elijah Wood, Billy Boyd, and Dominique (Ahhh I can't remember his last name!) from Lord of the Rings. We saw them do this in Lord of the Rings extra stuff. Who else would even know. We are so stupid, and this has been such a ridiculous joke of ours for years. :) We are awesome friends!







Last year we both bought our own copies of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and read it together. We stayed up past 2:00am one night finishing it. We are stupid!
















Completely unrelated to any of these pictures: but this whole thing about the polygamist compound is insane! Fifteen year old girls being forced to marry 50 year old men who already have wives? Ewwwww. Just so sad. Sorry I know that was random, but there's stuff on the news about it right now and I just think it's sickening. People are messed up.

Snapshots into my life

School has been a major part of my life this year. So here is a picture of me, giving my very first shot in nursing therapeutics! Hard to believe that has been so long. Almost a year! I still have so much to learn, but here you are for some of the great moments of my life.








Allison just graduated with her nursing degree- here we are at her pinning ceremony! I can't wait until I'm in her shoes next year. It really will go quickly, I'm sure. Just sometimes it's hard to believe it'll ever be done.

A follower of Christ

I have lately been very intrigued by reformed theology. I guess I have to say that I'm a reformed Christian. As I have recently learned, people find some things about reformed theology offensive. I have been trying to read up on it because it has made me wonder, why do I believe reformed theology.

I have lately been annoyed by being pigeon holed into a denomination or a particular theology. Why can't I just say I'm a Christian and I follow Jesus? Because the minute I tell someone my denomination, I also have to explain to them what that entails. There are presbyterians that believe in a very liberal doctrine. They say the Bible is not inerrant or infallible, people can take what they want to be true or false, and can interpret it however they want to. Regardless, people ask me what denomination am I and I like to make sure they know I'm not PCUSA. I like for people to know that I believe in Jesus Christ alone for salvation, and the inerrancy and infallibilty (don't I sound so reformed) of Scripture.

So anyway, because of all of what you have just read, I have been doing some reading of my own. Last year my parents gave me the book Foundations of the Christian Faith by James Montgomery Boice. That book has been an excellent resource for me, and I recommend it to anyone. I do not regard any man as being inerrant or infallible, I would like to make that disclaimer now. But I believe him to be pretty solid, and he doesn't present doctrine and theology without Scripture to back it up. Another writer I have recently enjoyed is R.C. Sproul. I used to avoid him as much as possible because he is so freaking reformed and that annoyed the mess out of me. But, I have begun to read Grace Unknown: The Heart of Reformed Theology. It is an awesome book so far. Yeah, it's theology. So it isn't exactly the most thrilling read, but it has helped me through some of the recent questions I have had about reformed theology.

The doctrine of election, for instance. It surprises me how offensive this doctrine is to so many people, when it is backed over and over again by Scripture. I have discovered that it is impossible to argue with people about it, and I shouldn't argue about it because it is not a matter of a person's salvation. I just happen to be a person who enjoys debate and enjoys being right (my great downfall). I'm not writing this to argue the matter, to convince anybody of it, I just want to write some thoughts and some interesting things I have read about it.

"Reformed theology indeed insists that a real measure of freedom has been assigned to man by the Creator. But that freedom is not absolute and man is not autonomous. Our freedom is always and everywhere limited by God's sovereignty. God is free and we are free. But God is more free than we are. When our freedom bumps up against God's sovereignty, our freedom must yield. To say God's sovereignty is limited by man's freedom is to make man sovereign." -R.C. Sproul

This is something that helps me a lot. Sometimes people present this doctrine, basically saying that we are nothing but robots with absolutely no minds. God is sovereign, and we have freedom, but our freedom never overrules God's sovereignty. If it did, as Sproul later states, God wouldn't be sovereign. I'm completely comfortable with a Sovereign God who has ordained all things before time. To me it is comforting to know that it isn't my fault if someone doesn't come to Christ. Election doesn't free Christians from the responsibility of evangelism. Christ commanded it in Matthew 28, and that is why we share.

So sorry for the unorganized post. I don't make any false claims to be a good writer- I'm not organized in my thoughts so I definitely am not organized when I write. I just write as I think, so there you have it. I'm a reformed Presbyterian kid, the frozen chosen (as we are so endearingly referred to). But I'm not brainwashed into it, I think it through and read for myself, and back it up with Scripture. Always, always go back to Scripture because it is the inerrant and infallible Word of God. I'm a Christian who follows Christ, and I believe in God's perfect Word. And that there describes what I believe, more than being reformed or Presbyterian.

Remembering

I like to remember.

I was just looking at some of my photo albums from several years back. It amazes me how long ago it seems, yet at the same time it doesn't. I don't really feel any older than I was in those photos. I don't feel different. How can I be graduating next year and going out into the real world, when I still feel the same as I did when I was 16?

My little brother started asking me this week about when I was little. I asked him what he thinks about the 90s, and he told me they were a long time ago before he was born. So I started to tell him stories about when I was little (haha, I'm definitely going to be one of those annoying parents that bores their kids with stories of their childhood), and he was so fascinated. He was fascinated by the fact that we didn't have dvds or cds. And so many other things. I didn't realize how different the 2000's (what exactly is this decade called?) are than the 90s. And I didn't know the 90s were such a long time ago.

I miss the past. I know that sounds cheesy, and honestly I don't think I would ever want go back and repeat it (as if that were possible), but I still miss it. I miss when Pinewood was a small church and we ruled the hall ways during the days before VBS. I miss being in the homeschool co-op when I was a little kid, making planets out of paper mache balloons, or learning about weather as if it were the most fascinating subject ever. I miss playing outside barefoot all day in the summer with my sisters, never knowing the time of day unless my mom called us in for lunch or supper. And if we paid attention to the time it was only to make sure we didn't miss an episode of Reading Rainbow or Brady Bunch. I miss going to Goldhead for church picnics, back when the church actually showed up for events like that. Or the Christmas dinners, those were a huge deal at Pinewood. People actually sponsored a table and decorated it, and some actually brought their Christmas china settings. I miss being in choir on Wednesday afternoons, and doing plays like The Best Story Ever, Psalty (classic!), and then as we got older the Donut Man, or Dr. Newhart. I miss being carefree and having friends over on a Friday afternoons after co-op or Sunday afternoons after church. The time to play between church and Pioneer Clubs at 5:30 seemed like an endless amount of time back then. We could play 5 games of Underground in that amount of time! Or how about the ice skating competitions we used to put on in our roller blades in the driveway. Absolutely classic! Ah, those were the days. Summer days going to the lake or pool with friends were the best. We always had goldfish for snacks when we swam, and to this day when I eat cheddar goldfish I can't help but think about those carefree days in the sun. Probably some of the greatest summer days I can remember were spent in Illinois with cousins. Whether it was playing in the corn wagon, putting on plays for the parents in the basement, doing fashion shows, or walking up to Bents-- it can't be beat. There was a time when my grandparents visited us twice a year. We would go on walks, trips to Wal Mart to pick out a new toy, visit museums and historical places around the area. And I never thought I would say this, but I miss being homeschooled! That's something that just can't be beat. It wasn't easy at all, it was just special. I would never have told you that at the time, but I look back very thankfully on it. I just miss being a kid!

The neat thing is that some day I will have kids, and I hope to give them all the same great memories that I had. I had such a blessed childhood, and I will give that to my kids. I can't wait! Life might seem crazy right now, but it will slow down again with kids. Life does go in circles.

Ok, well there you have it, my sentimental, cheesy, and nostalgic side. You can laugh if you want, but remembering is awesome.

Summer Vacation

So I have spent the past two weeks on summer vacation with no job. It is somewhat nice, but I don't like being idle for such a long time. I have what looks like a job opportunity and is very probable, hopefully I can start that in the next week or so. I'm definitely ready.

I've been doing a lot of reading during my break. That's something I don't get to do much of during the school year, so it is nice. I've been reading Pride and Prejudice, Jim Elliot's journals, and Harry Potter. I'll admit, I'm a Harry Potter junkie. I love the books, and on some nights I go to sleep with a Harry Potter movie on. I don't know if it's the fantasy that I love, or the imaginative element, or just the fact that it is not reality. Maybe that's why I escape into things like Pride and Prejudice or my favorite tv shows such as Full House (hey, I'm not afraid to admit it), old musicals like Sound of Music, etc... it's a way of forgetting stress and troubles in life, school, or studying. I don't know if that's ok, really, I mean I know that I should really be going to Christ for that. And I do, but not like I should.

Well, it is summer and I'm glad for that. Even though I still have more than three months of summer left, school will start up before I know it and I'll wish for these days back. Isn't that always how it works? It's hot outside and you wish it was cold. It's cold outside and you wish it was hot.

Over this past year I have been studying the Book of Matthew in my evening Bible Study Fellowship class. Last night was our last night, which was pretty sad but because we studied Matthew it was a happy way to end- on Christ's resurrection and ascension! :) So anyway, something that really struck me in this last week of study was the complete, finished work of Christ.

I think that this is something I forget so often. The resurrection of Christ is so incredibly significant, and I think that with all the romanticized advertising at Easter it gets lost. Why do we believe in the resurrection? The physical, bodily resurrection. The first obvious reason is that the Bible says it- and the Bible is absolute truth. But if there was no resurrection than there is no hope and it is all a joke. It would all be in vain. As Paul puts it in 1 Corinthians 15:19, then "we are to be pitied more than all men." Without the resurrection then all of the prophecies in Old Testament Scriptures were wrong. All of the disciples would be liars, as well as everyone else that saw Jesus after His resurrection. Without the resurrection, my faith is in vain, it is useless, and I am still lost in my sins.

Because the resurrection is true, death has been conquered. Jesus sits at God's right hand, interceding for me. He is alive right now. Death is the last enemy to be destroyed. And Christ completely finished what He came to earth to do. So cool.

So sorry about the scattered thoughts, it was just something on my mind. God is so good, isn't He?

Mom

This is my mom holding me, didn't we make cute bunnies?

Today is Mother's Day. I was doing some thinking, probably related to Sunday school and the sermon combined. Mrs. Sutton has been teaching the single ladies Sunday school, which I love because she treats it much more like a small group than anything else.

Because it was Mother's Day, we talked about mothers. Kind of a funny subject for Sunday school, but I guess most of us women will one day be mothers. And it got me thinking about the kind of mother that my mom is (an awesome one!) and the kind of mother I want to be one day. Some of the moms in the Bible we talked about were Eve, Sarah, Rebecca, Leah, Rachel, Mary, Herodias, and several others as well.

Something that strikes me about Eve is that she had a very good son. Abel was a God-fearing man. Eve also had an evil son- Cain, who ended up killing Abel. So it's interesting to me how one could turn out so good and the other so evil. Cain obviously despised his brother for the favor he had found with God. So what kind of mother was Eve? Did she play favorites? Or was it really anything that she did?

Rebecca raised both Jacob and Esau. She was a mother who played favorites with Jacob. Sadly she never saw him again after she sent him away. Theirs was a dysfunctional family. Rachel died when Joseph was so young, and yet she must have had such an impact because of the man of God that Joseph became (especially compared to the way that the other brothers turned out). Herodias is probably one you haven't heard of, or at least thought much of. She was the wife of Herod in Jesus' time. She is the example of how a mother can influence her children for evil. For one thing she let her daughter dance in front of men, and when she pleased them so much and Herod promised her anything, she told her to ask for John the Baptist's head on a plate. And her daughter asked for just that. What a controlling mother she must have been- I mean, surely her daughter must have protested to asking for the death of a man, especially when she could have had anything a young girl might want such as clothes or jewelry.

Anyway, these are some of the things that we talked about. I hadn't really thought much about mothers in the Bible. I kind of always thought that they were these wonderful, perfect mothers but really their problems were very much the same as what we deal with today.

Some interesting verses as well that we read.
"Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from Him." -Psalm 127:3
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." -3 John 1:4
"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children." -Genesis 3:16

It's interesting how culture views having children and being mothers in comparison to the way that God does. As women we are told to be independent, have our careers and.... if children fit in there, well that's cool too. We view children as a burden, not a blessing. If not a burden, then just another thing to check off in our pursuit of the American Dream. We put them in daycares so that we can live our lives on our own. But just as that verse in Psalms says, sons are a heritage from the LORD! A reward. That is amazing. But along with that, part of the curse on women was that our pain would be increased in childbearing- and I think that pain continues throughout the mother's life, as I have learned from women that I know. Being a mother is no easy thing. It requires sacrifice.

I think of my mom. She is such an amazing woman and I know I don't appreciate or love her like she deserves. She has given so much for us. She gave up a career as a nurse to stay home and raise us. When I was five began to homeschool my two older sisters and I, while we also had Hannah who was a 1 year old. She got pregnant by surprise at 45, and is homeschooling him as well. She will have a child at home until she is 63, meaning she will have spent 36 years as a stay at home mom. My mom is amazing. She has always been selfless and denied herself many luxuries for us. On top of this I have to add, that my mom has been a stay at home mom by choice. This is nothing forced upon her by my dad. My parents are equal partners in marriage and she is no subordinate to him. She did this because she wanted the best for us.

I hope I can be a mother like my mom some day. I want a lot of kids, and thankfully that is a long way off from now, but I do need to examine my heart and prepare myself for being a mother. Yes, I'm pursuing a career in nursing. But that is not my highest calling. That is not where I will find my identity and my satisfaction. I will find that only in Christ, and I want to pass that on to my children some day. I just hope that God will bless me with children some day.

Interesting Week

Well, as I obviously have already described myself in "about me," I'm a nursing student and have completed my first year of nursing school- my junior year of college. It is definitely a crazy life. Most 20 year old college girls spend their time in sororities, or partying, dating, drinking, having fun, etc... my life during the school year consists of going to classes, studying, reading, taking tests, and going to clinicals. At one point during the spring semester I was getting up at 4:15 two days a week for six weeks to go to clinical (in the psych ward, no less!). The second half of the semester we moved on to rehab which was only one day a week for 12 hours, so my super early morning was not quite so early or frequent. Pile on top of this tests, quizzes (galore), studying, reading, and classes, and it makes for a crazy time. But I love it!

So you wonder, why has this been such an interesting week? Well, really it has not been interesting, and I guess that is precisely what makes it so interesting. I'm used to going nonstop, and now that school is over and I have no job (yet), I have been able to sleep in, relax, and read what I want to read. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is. And I'm going to enjoy it, because starting in August I will be in school until August of '09 when I graduate.

So, just a little intro to my life. Like I said, it is nothing interesting but I figure it's nice to have a place to share my thoughts. I'll admit I'm a bit of a sappy, sentimental person and you will probably get that from me on here- so I apologize now for that, it's just who I am. :)