The New Jerusalem

"I saw the Holy City descending from the sky
So brilliant with the Light of God,
The city is His Bride

There is no temple in this town,
No sun, no moon, no lamp
For God's own glory is its light
Illuminated by the Lamb

And God Himself will wipe the tears
From every weeping eye
No death, no pain, no mourning cry,
And every tear may dry

And now our God will dwell with them,
The New Jerusalem
And He Himself will walk with them,
The New Jerusalem

And so let all of those who thirst
Come now and drink for free
And to the one who overcomes,
Come now, and you will see

Behold, the old has passed away
Now everything is new!
The Alpha and Omega's words
Are trustworthy and so true

And God Himself will wipe the tears
From every weeping eye
No death, no pain, no mourning cry
And every tear may dry

And now our God will dwell with them
The New Jerusalem
And He Himself will walk with them
The New Jerusalem

And He Himself will walk with them
The New Jerusalem"

-Michael Card

A beautiful song, and this is where Ben McCollum is today. I didn't know him super well, yet he is someone who touched my life, and I know that of many others as well. And so, Ben, we know you are in an awesome place right now. My thoughts and prayers are with his family today.

A Great Weekend

Diagon Alley is coming :)

Valerie, Allison, Kristi, and Me

I spent the weekend in Orlando. It was a great weekend. Saturday was spent at Universal, which was my very first time going. It was fun, although definitely no Disney World. It's always nice to forget about reality for a bit and just have fun. I went on two very hard core roller coasters, and was so proud of myself. I thought I was going to die. Saturday evening we went to dinner and I had my first Long Island Iced Tea. There isn't very much iced tea in it. I'm sure you can imagine.

So now, back to reality. I have been studying this morning. My last final is three weeks from today, and I'm feeling the usual end-of-semester panic coming on. I'm amazed that some people can be so chill about things like this. I am trying not to be stressed but not being very successful at it. There is so much to do in so little time!

Just thoughts

Yesterday I, for the first time ever, took my car in for an oil change. By myself. I know, I know, such a stupid little thing but it's a big deal for me. Any car mechanic place scares me, because I feel absolutely clueless about even what to ask for. I'm so clueless about cars that I don't even know how to jump my car battery (even though it has died on me numerous times) or change a tire (also happened more than once). So, looks like next year when I'm away from my dad and have my own car I will be fully capable of driving my car up to the mechanic and getting it fixed. ;)

And can I mention how much of a time waster I have been these last few days? It is beyond ridiculous. I think I need to just hide away in the library for the rest of the semester in order to get anything accomplished. The load is just so light and the weather so pretty that it's nearly impossible to concentrate on anything if it isn't due the very next day. This morning I was determined to wake up at 7 am, (which merely four months ago I considered sleeping in) and I could do nothing but hit snooze for almost two hours. Even after I woke up I puttered around the house getting nothing accomplished. This lasted all day, except I actually forced myself to go work out at the Y. Somebody please motivate me!

I realized tonight how much of a loner I really am. Don't get me wrong- I love my friends, I love hanging out with them, I do enjoy the occasional get-together. But I am a person who is very.... content to be alone. I like solitude. In fact, I enjoy an evening all to myself without anyone to talk to. Not all of the time, but probably more often than not. And maybe a lot of people see that as weird, or even creepy, but solitude and quiet are so soothing. After an evening spent with friends I find that I have to get at least an hour to myself before I can go to bed that night. I don't mind the long drives home from school and clinical, because it gives me 30 minutes of uninterrupted thought and time to unwind. It's not unusual for me to spend a Friday night by myself. I find that being around people, it's hard to be myself and it is very draining. There are expectations. Say the right things. Have a certain reaction to everything (apparently people think I don't show enough emotion- oh, because I don't squeal and shriek at the top of my lungs I'm stoic?). Look a certain way, etc, etc. Sometimes it really is the best thing in the world to enjoy a quiet evening, to get lost in the world of a good book, or watch a movie, or write, or any other number of things. I think I'm a minority in this opinion most likely, but it's me.

Tomorrow my goal is to conquer this project and have it done early, go to class, and get started on studying. We'll see how that goes. ;)

Getting Old

I just had a meeting with workforce, and it looks like I might be able to get some assistance with my summer semester. I'm hoping and praying it works out, because otherwise we're talking about more loans to build up my mountain of debt. I wish there were some way to get through school without loans. I will enter the fall with not a penny to my name, but I will have a degree, damn it! And a $500 class to prepare myself for NCLEX, which, I might add, I have to pay for as well. It's gonna be a fun ride.

It is really odd to begin talking about graduation and a degree. For years a bachelor's degree has always been some abstract concept seemingly out of my reach. And now we are talking about it as if it's really going to happen?! When did I become an adult? I still feel as if I'm a 16-year-old trying to figure out her life. I will be 22 this summer, and quite honestly that is a depressing thought. Twenty-one is such a fresh age. I'm twenty-one, I'm at the pinnacle of my life (which is actually somewhat depressing- is this really as good as it's gonna get?), ready to go wherever God leads. Twenty-two is so... well, you're just in your twenties at that point. Just for me personally that is depressing. Could you say it's over the hill? ;)

Ah, Twilight... yes, folks, this was the weekend you have all been waiting for. It is on dvd (or blu-ray for those not in the dark ages)! And being the lame nerd I am, I bought it. Laugh if you will but I love it! It actually amazes me the amount of twentysomethings that are into Twilight. Of course the series is more appropriate for a 21 year old than a 12 year old. I was so impressed with my cousin who would not let her daughter read the fourth book. That's a first.

Spring break is over, but this week's schedule is almost as empty as last. I only have class on Thursday, because we have no clinical or quiz reviews. I almost don't know what to do with myself. Other than a project to tweak, I don't have much to do. Next semester is going to be a punch in the stomach after this one. I'm pretty sure it will feel like third semester all over again. Nooo! But there will be an end very near in sight.

And that's enough rambling for today. Spring is here so go outside and enjoy some SUN and blue sky.

The Silence of God

"It's enough to drive a man crazy
It'll break a man's faith
It's enough to make him wonder
If he's ever been sane
When he's bleeding for comfort
From They staff and Thy rod
And the heaven's only answer
Is the silence of God

"And it'll shake a man's timbers
when he loses his heart
When he has to remember
What broke him apart
This yoke may be easy
But this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen
By the silence of God

"And if a man has got to listen
To the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they've got
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross
What about the times when even followers get lost?
Cause we all get lost sometime

"There's a statue of Jesus
On a monestary knoll
In the hills of Kentucky
All quiet and cold
He's kneeling in the garden
As silent as a stone
And all His friends are sleeping
And He's weeping all alone
And the man of all sorrows
He never forgot what sorrow is carried by the hearts that He bought
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God
The aching may remain
But the breaking does not

"The aching may remain
But the breaking does not
And the holy lonesome echo
Of the silence of God

-Andrew Peterson

I think this is one of my favorite Andrew Peterson songs. If you haven't listened to him you really should check him out. His music is so real. This song in particular speaks to my heart, and I hope you were able to enjoy the lyrics as much as I.

Mr. Nasty

Do you ever feel as though you've become the worst version of yourself?

I realize that is a line from You've Got Mail, but it definitely reflects how I feel right now. I'm in one of those moods tonight, and feel as if I have treated certain members of my family terribly. I have been nagging, contradictory, argumentative, demeaning, and just downright rude. And even while I'm retorting back with my sarcastic comments, inwardly I'm hating myself for what's coming out of my mouth at that moment. Yet I still say it, I still choose to treat the people I love so hatefully. And to top it off, "Hello, it's Mr. Nasty!" But in all seriousness, it's really how I'm feeling right now. I'm such a jerk and I hate that about myself.

And I have to point out that as I type this, both of my parents are sitting in front of the TV watching Jay Leno. Weird. And they are laughing at it.

Spring break has become a boring drag and quite honestly I'm ready to get back into the routine of classes. So far I have managed to sit on my butt and watch TV. And yes, I have cleaned, and I have read, and I have gone to the beach, but most of my time has been spent at home doing not much of anything at all. I suppose I should enjoy it, knowing that the next month will be pretty crazy. It's times like these that I realize how much I actually enjoy school (no matter how much I may complain about it). Well, my new goal is to thoroughly enjoy what I have left of spring break.

The break continues...

So far on my spring break I have managed to go to the beach, relax, get a bit of reading done, and begin on the project of cleaning my room. There is just no easy way around it- I hate cleaning and I am incapable of keeping a room clean for more than a few days. I can't figure out what it is I'm doing wrong, but usually I spend hours cleaning, and one day I wake up and the room is in shambles. I'm a slob, plain and simple. But I can't really figure out how a room can become so cluttered, even when I'm the one doing the cluttering.

Spent the afternoon at the beach with Amanda, Tricia, and Aidan. It was a good day. The sun was out, the sky was blue, and although the temperature was a bit cool, it was great. I wish more days could be spent like today.

So my goals for tomorrow are: clean, relax, and begin research for my leadership project. I have got to get on top of this, and have done enough of nothing in the last few days to last me awhile.

Spring Break is HERE! :)

Good times hanging out with friends at the beach- it was a very foggy day but we managed to have fun!

So spring break is officially and finally here. !!! This week I plan to

1. Clean and re-organize my room- it is long overdue
2. Relax
3. Go to the beach
4. Read at least one book
5. Get ahead on schoolwork

All right, so you can see my priorities are not exactly with school this week. I will try to be somewhat productive, but I do want to enjoy my break!

Friday nursing interviews were held for students who will be entering the nursing program in May. I helped out with it and basically talked with groups before they went into their interviews. It was a lot of fun, and we did a lot of reminiscing because students were asking us questions about the program and different semesters. I know it sounds cheesy, but I almost teared up a few times when my classmate and I were sharing with the group about our class and it's cohesiveness. I have been so blessed to be part of such an awesome group of people. It's just sad to me to think of not seeing everybody anymore after July. I definitely look forward to graduation, but I will miss everyone so much. I have made some amazing friends in this program.

Afterwards I went to the beach with a few friends, and it was disappointingly foggy. It was a beautiful sunny day, and when we were two miles away from the beach we hit a wall of fog and it never went away. It felt like we were at the beach in Maine. We still had a good time though, and walked around some of the shops that were nearby. We even found a cute local coffee shop, which I will definitely go to again. There aren't a lot of those around here.

I'm definitely ready for this break. I just want to enjoy it. It is, after all, my last spring break! This time next year I will be a working woman, in the real world. What a scary but exciting thought! Who knows where I'll be at that point.

A Break!

I just finished my OB quiz. Results were better than expected, so I'm really thankful. And now spring break is practically here, and I'm so happy! I'm so ready for this break. I can hardly believe we are almost half-way through March. The semester is practically over!

OB clinical went so much better yesterday. Last week was just a generally bad day. The whole last week has been pretty crummy really, but it's ending well because now it's time for a break. And knowing that always helps me get through the rough times. Less than five months to graduation, I'm thinking a count-down is in order. I'm really starting to see the light. It is unbelievable.

I'm sitting on campus in the courtyard just enjoying the nice weather. Major disadvantage to that is people sitting three feet away from you smoking like chimneys. I'm really mad that the forecast for my spring break is cloudy, low 70s, and some days rainy. Not beach weather, so it's disappointing. Sunday looks good though, so I'm thinking a beach trip might be in order. Lately I have had terrible spring fever and I just want to be outside all the time.

Well, no news really, I'm just glad it's spring break and hoping to have a good one.

Stress

I'm having one of those days where I'm questioning my own sanity in choosing this... of course, not really, but school is very stressful right now. We just moved on to OB, and it is a lot more work than I anticipated. Thankfully spring break is just around the corner, so although it's stressful right now there will be relief, even if only for a week. Whoever thought up spring break was a genius.

I'm working on a group project and it will require some work over the break, but I can't really complain. I do remember now though why I don't like group projects. It is nearly impossible to coordinate schedules, agree on ideas, and have a one-ness of mind within the group. Too many dominating personalities, is my guess. It's not that we aren't getting along, it is just difficult (and maybe this is just my own perception) to be on the same track.

Well, I really need to be studying and not spending time updating my blog so.... goodbye.

Sun

I sat in the sun for forty minutes today-- forty minutes!-- and am completely sunburned. I'm not exactly sure how that happened, but my shoulders and arms are as red as tomatoes and my face is bright pink. Welcome spring! And welcome sun! :)

Getting back into the swing of exercising and "eating healthy" is going ok. I don't really struggle with the whole exercising issue as much as I do eating. Especially coming home to a pan of brownies at least once or twice a week- why does Hannah do that to me? Baby steps, though. You can't really cut everything out in one fell swoop. Today I was determined to run two miles, and let me tell you, I could barely make it running one mile! But I did, and then walked the second mile. I can't believe I used to be able to run 4 miles easily. I realized the other day that I was sixteen when I ran the River Run.

The next week will be a busy and very likely stressful one. I have clinical Wednesday, a quiz Thursday, and will be helping with nursing interviews on Friday. I have never helped out and it will be fun to see the incoming students before their interviews and remember how nervous I was. And now here I am! Two years ago at this time I had just put in my application for the program and was playing the waiting game. Honestly I didn't really think I'd make it. I wonder where I'll be two years from now? A lot happens in such a short time. I wonder what the beaches are like on the northern part of the coast. Recently I just don't like to think of moving away from the beach. But it just isn't as sunny up north.

Well, today my goal is to study and try my best to be productive. I don't want to feel super stressed Monday with too much to do. Lunch is calling my name now, and then studying.

Beach, School, Thoughts, and Time

Can you believe it- I can say I went to the beach on a warm, pleasant day in February! In a bathing suit and sundress! Does it get any better? That's what I did on Saturday. I took my book and beach towel and laid on the beach reading-- yes, by myself. I have never done that before, and it was one of the most relaxing things I've ever done. It was sunny, warm, and very crowded. Sometimes Florida has its perks, and the beach is definitely one of them. As much as I want to move away, the beach is something I would miss very much. I have never lived more than 30 minutes away. I have never been a sun goddess but I do love the sun and I love the beach. Perhaps I need to re-think this whole moving-away business.

I'm at the library, and thus far have been somewhat productive. I finished a care plan, finished a rough draft of a focus sheet, completed an online test, and have gotten semi-started on studying for OB. OB is no cakewalk, let me tell you. I almost wish I'd had it first so I could be moving on to the fun part- pediatrics! I will miss peds a lot- I do now.

First day of OB clinical on Monday went... well, it went. It just wasn't a good day. The clinical part was fine, however it was crazy and I never got to finish paperwork that is due by the end of the day. That was very frustrating for me, because I had to hand it in and now my teacher's first impression of me is that of a slacker. I hate that! I usually spend time on written work, and I complete it. Handing it in incomplete goes so against the grain for me. I'm mortified just imagining what she thinks of me now!

Yesterday I was in the NICU. It was pretty cool. I saw a teeny tiny baby born at 26 weeks, and it disgusts me to think of a child like that being aborted were it still in the womb. Yet that's what could potentially be happening! How can people justify abortion? I don't ever imagine Roe v. Wade being overturned, but people's hearts need to be changed towards it. Too many people don't care, and don't even know how much of a miracle pregnancy and birth are. Even I didn't know until studying it.

Life goes on, spring break is in a week and a half, and the semester is over in a month and a half. Time flies.