Yesterday I, for the first time ever, took my car in for an oil change. By myself. I know, I know, such a stupid little thing but it's a big deal for me. Any car mechanic place scares me, because I feel absolutely clueless about even what to ask for. I'm so clueless about cars that I don't even know how to jump my car battery (even though it has died on me numerous times) or change a tire (also happened more than once). So, looks like next year when I'm away from my dad and have my own car I will be fully capable of driving my car up to the mechanic and getting it fixed. ;)
And can I mention how much of a time waster I have been these last few days? It is beyond ridiculous. I think I need to just hide away in the library for the rest of the semester in order to get anything accomplished. The load is just so light and the weather so pretty that it's nearly impossible to concentrate on anything if it isn't due the very next day. This morning I was determined to wake up at 7 am, (which merely four months ago I considered sleeping in) and I could do nothing but hit snooze for almost two hours. Even after I woke up I puttered around the house getting nothing accomplished. This lasted all day, except I actually forced myself to go work out at the Y. Somebody please motivate me!
I realized tonight how much of a loner I really am. Don't get me wrong- I love my friends, I love hanging out with them, I do enjoy the occasional get-together. But I am a person who is very.... content to be alone. I like solitude. In fact, I enjoy an evening all to myself without anyone to talk to. Not all of the time, but probably more often than not. And maybe a lot of people see that as weird, or even creepy, but solitude and quiet are so soothing. After an evening spent with friends I find that I have to get at least an hour to myself before I can go to bed that night. I don't mind the long drives home from school and clinical, because it gives me 30 minutes of uninterrupted thought and time to unwind. It's not unusual for me to spend a Friday night by myself. I find that being around people, it's hard to be myself and it is very draining. There are expectations. Say the right things. Have a certain reaction to everything (apparently people think I don't show enough emotion- oh, because I don't squeal and shriek at the top of my lungs I'm stoic?). Look a certain way, etc, etc. Sometimes it really is the best thing in the world to enjoy a quiet evening, to get lost in the world of a good book, or watch a movie, or write, or any other number of things. I think I'm a minority in this opinion most likely, but it's me.
Tomorrow my goal is to conquer this project and have it done early, go to class, and get started on studying. We'll see how that goes. ;)
2 comments:
I'm totally with you on the alone-time thing. And pretty much everything else you said. Except I still get up at seven, and fortunately, I tend to just have small assignments that can always be done the night before. :)
When I was in college (it feels weird to type that) I used to look forward to a Friday night to myself because I was so busy. Usually I had my apartment to myself so I could just relax. Sometimes it was depressing to not be doing something, but I did let myself off the hook and just chill. I think there's a healthy balance of being okay with yourself enough that you can spend an evening alone (especially on a weekend) and not think it's the end of the world, but actually enjoy it. It's also true that all of us need social interaction, and I know that sometimes it's actually WORK to establish it, which can be frustrating.
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