Four days of clinical down, three more to go. I'm excited, because this Friday I will come home from clinical to a house-full of visiting family! And I won't have to go back on Saturday because that will be my day off. What a blessing that turned out to be.

I'm trying to work on getting ahead on work. It has been frustrating, because nothing is due yet and I don't know where to start. I want to be ahead but I can't seem to motivate myself. I have senioritis pretty bad, and I know it's going to get worse.

Wish I could find something to talk about besides school. There just isn't much else going on in my life right now, and won't be for the next two months. On that note, two months and five days until graduation. Not sure if I should be counting down or not. Don't want to make it go slowly.

And the rain came down....

We have had constant rain for about three straight days now. Can't say I hate it. There is something about this rainy, dreary weather that I love. I think the sound of rain hitting the roof is just a comforting thing. Though I love my sunny, blue sky days, I love looking out the window to see a gray sky. It did make class today very frustrating, because we all felt somewhat cooped up in the building. A couple times we trekked over to Outtakes to get ourselves some food and just get away from the classroom. Somebody brilliantly thought up the idea of bringing our own coffee and making it in the school's coffee maker to save money. And it has saved money. Yay!

I have community tomorrow, and then two days of clinical. I can't believe it's time to do it all over again. The time in between flew by and I do not feel rested. In fact, I should probably go to bed soon. At least feel rested tomorrow.

I'm starting to feel very sorry for myself being in summer school. And I hate that I feel that way, because I'm graduating in just a little over two months! I've got to put my nose to the grind and not look up until it's over. I'm so close- I need to work hard. That's so difficult when all I want to do is have fun and sleep. I should not complain.

Nothing but School

It's weird to think that one week ago I had not even started my semester. We have really hit the ground running with this one, and already I feel as if we have been going for weeks. Clinical went pretty well on Friday. Saturday wasn't quite as good. I was exhausted from Friday, and I just felt stupid all day. Will that ever end? Will there ever come a day when I feel confident, like I really know what I'm doing? When I can run down the hallways of the hospital clicking my heels, singing, "I have confidence in sunshine! I have confidence in rain!"

Today I worked on a poster with two people in my clinical on sepsis. We are supposed to present it to the staff on the unit, because sepsis is something their director thinks they need education on. I don't really like the idea of educating people much smarter than I, but I guess they're confident that we can do it. We'll see!

There's quite a storm going on outside. If I didn't know better I'd think it was summer! Oh wait. It is. Well, not the actual season I suppose. I do keep thinking it's August or January, because it's so odd to be in school.

Dang! Can't I talk about anything but school? Since I can't seem to think of anything else to talk about, well then I'll be going. No need to continue boring you with the details of my life.

Yesterday was our first full day of classes this semester. Nursing Integration, Community Partnerships, and Nursing Science III are the three classes we will be taking. It looks like group projects (my favorite! -not) will be most of what we are doing. Time management is the name of the game. I have community today and then clinical tomorrow and Saturday. I'm not too excited about having weekend clinical, but that portion will be four weeks long. I'm extremely nervous about this, because so much more will be expected of us! Thankfully my instructor seems like a really sweet and understanding woman who loves to teach.

So far, it isn't quite as bad as I would have thought being back in for the summer. I think it will really start hitting home when Hannah graduates and my family is starting to chillax a lot more. Or when they are at VBS and I'm stuck going to classes. I just have to keep in mind that in 2.5 months I graduate and will be done with college. That is still a concept hard to grasp. Good news is, I got the Saturday off that our family will be here for Hannah's graduation.

I will be going to pwood on Sunday to see about this new pastor they are possibly bringing in. I'm glad they have finally made a decision.

First Day Back

I have made it through my first day of the summer semester. We took our ATI exam this morning (that thing was a beast!), and then I took med dose calc this afternoon. So I've got those two done, and am relieved. Isn't it awesome that in nursing school we have to take a test on our first day back?

I feel a lot better about being back in school. I'm telling myself that it is not really summertime. It's no different than August or January! Right?

I found out I can't get anything off of my old hard-drive. They wiped it clean already without even giving me the option! Why would they do that? I find out that they should have asked me before the computer was originally shipped out if I wanted to retrieve anything should the hard drive be bad. I am so irritated right now by that. They messed up and now I have lost everything. Oh well. Worse things have happened.

Well, on to conquer my last semester as an undergrad. :)

I am stupid.

I'm kicking myself today for my ineptitude and stupidity with computers. My computer crashed. I lost everything. Everything. Thankfully, my warranty was able to get me a new one, but it is beyond frustrating. So, my new question for the world is: how does one sync an ipod to a new computer when one has no access to the old computer? The only options it gave me were to erase everything on the ipod or to simply transfer purchased items from the ipod to the new itunes. No, thank you. Every picture I have ever taken is on my ipod, and all of my music of course, and I am not risking losing all of that.

School starts again tomorrow. I am taking an ATI exam, which I have done absolutely no studying for. Most people I have talked to did not study either, so honestly if I have to do med-surg this summer, then so be it. I hate that I feel that way, but I'm starting to lose steam. Even after a break, I am so exhausted from school. This summer semester seems insurmountable right now, and I just want it to be over with.

Good news: I have started losing weight, and am finally seeing results from my efforts. I probably ruined all that in one weekend (party yesterday and Mothers Day food today) but will start fresh tomorrow. Keep me in your prayers if you think of it, this summer is gonna be a doozy.

Watch out... this one is depressing

I figured out what has got me so depressed and afraid of going back to school this semester. Honestly, I think I am scared to death to actually be in the real world of nursing. I don't really think I'm so much scared of this particular semester itself. Sure, the task of making my portfolio, doing various projects, having more difficult clinical, and doing multiple presentations scares me a lot. But that stuff I can do. It is being out there in the field, making decisions, being alone that really scare me. I don't know that I'm really capable of it. Being a student I know what is required of me. I already know before the semester has even started that on July 22 I will be giving probably the most difficult and daunting presentation ever. I know that every Wednesday I will have classes all day. I know what days my clinicals are. I don't know, school is so familiar. And as much as I sometimes think I hate school, and as much as I hate to admit it, being a student and seeing results is what I know. Anyway, my thoughts are jumbled and I'm sure I sound confusing.

I finally figured out how to use our scanner this week. I had fun scanning old pictures onto the computer, and will definitely be scanning more. It's fun to reminisce and enjoy memories. Sometimes it makes me sad. (ok, get ready, if you don't like corny then skip the paragraph) I don't think I like growing up. I always say I hate change, and will probably always feel that way. Yet I always adapt to new things and end up really liking the change. Somehow though, change is never as good as the original. Is this how life goes? Saying good bye, watching people die, seeing marriages dissolve, losing friends, and the list goes on. I feel as if the older I get, the more I am experiencing this. It's a product of the fallen world we live in, and it sucks. I guess it's those horrible things in life that really make you appreciate the good things. Sometimes I feel the pain of loss so acutely, and in the next moment I am numb to it, buried in the everyday busyness of life. But every so often it all hits me, and makes me sad.

Whoa, didn't mean to get so depressing there. I think going back to school has got me in a really depressing state of mind. So sorry. Hopefully I will feel better about it soon.

A Week Left

One more week until summer classes begin. I think I'll be ok once they start up. I'm just so ready to graduate, and that means I need to just buckle down and do this! Less than three months from now I'll be graduated.

Spent last night at Alex and Tricia's, just hanging out, watching the Wedding Date, and going to Starbucks. I'm afraid I won't be doing much of that this summer, so I'm trying to get as much fun packed into this last week of break as possible. Along with some studying too. We have to take an ATI test our first day back and it is cumulative over everything we have learned in the program. It's not really pass or fail, but those who make the top 25% of the scores have a chance to choose what they would like to precept in. So if I want to do peds (which I'm getting a little more iffy about, since I do think med-surg would be better for me right now) I have to do well. I feel like the odds of being in the top 25% for me are pretty low, because we have an exceptionally smart class (and I am in the bottom half of of the smarty pants). It has been frustrating at times when I'm very average, I do well, I make grades that I'm happy with, but people around me are making straight A's and don't mind letting the world know. But as long as I'm happy with where I'm at, I shouldn't worry about the others. Besides, grades don't make the nurse.

I'm going to try to work out today. I have been attempting (yet again!) to get back into a healthier lifestyle. It hasn't been too bad. I'm trying to allow a little cheating on the weekends, and I think that helps me to be more healthy during the week when I know I can have a treat on the weekend. I don't know, we'll see. I'm honestly happy with the way I am right now, but not really the way I feel. When life gets crazy I don't eat much besides junk food. An average day normally includes just coffee for breakfast, chips or fast food for lunch, and grazing on whatever is in the pantry for supper. Or more junk food if I'm at school studying. It's so difficult to eat healthy when I'm busy all the time, but if other people can do it then so can I. I would argue that normally I probably take in 3000 calories a day. That's bad. Well, cutting back on the junk food alone will probably help me feel better.

Anyway, enough boring details of my life. Time to be productive.

Out With the Old...

Gave my blog a makeover today (thanks Callie!). Thought it was time for something new, and even gave it a new name. Not sure I'm going to stick with that one but that's what I came up with for now. I'm thinking I should make a new url but I can't figure out how. I'm so technologically challenged. If you are interested in changing your template, click the link in the upper left of my blog and follow the instructions from there.

Summer break is going all right. I go back a week from Monday, and feel bittersweet about it. Mostly I'm just ready to start my last semester and get this show on the road, but at the same time I just want a longer break. But I would much rather be done in August, so I'm going to stop complaining.

Hannah's senior banquet is tonight. Hard to believe she is graduating already. I suppose it makes perfect sense, since I'm graduating college and am exactly four years older than she, but it seems that while I grow up everyone else should just stay the same. For instance, all these kids I knew when they were born. They are supposed to be 3 years old, not going into high school! And I'm pretty sure that only gets worse. Bah. I don't think I like getting old, mainly because I don't like change (sure you never heard that one from me before...).

Lunch at the Barrel with Amanda today. :)