Saturday ended up being one of the roughest days of work I've had in awhile. It started off badly with me feeling sick from the beginning, and it was downhill from there. I was so miserable, I wasn't even able to make it back the next day and had to call out. Yuck. I hate doing that.

But, the last few days have been better. Hannah's birthday is today, so it's been nice to have Allison home for a couple days and spend a couple nights with my family. I didn't realize how lonely I have been until our trip to visit family this month. I realized how much I was just craving to be with people. Lately I've lived almost like a hermit, which is terrible for the soul. And for tonight, chocolate pound cake with home-made whipped cream after a yummy dinner of greasy pizza!

Here are a few photos from our trip:

My grandparents on my dad's side- married 64 years this summer

Driving back from seeing Eclipse with our cousin Rachel

My mom's parents- married 60 years!

A nice evening walk after dinner-- one of many relaxing moments up there

Melissa took Allison and I to Ted Drewes for some of the best frozen custard ever!

This Week

Another week goes by.

I'm thankful for this week. There wasn't really anything spectacular about it, but it was a week. Another week I got to be with family, see old friends, and just be. Work was actually pretty good, not counting last Saturday simply because it was the first day back. But Tuesday and Wednesday were unusually good.

Then on Thursday, I left at 7am to drive down to High Springs to good ol' Camp Kulaqua where Allison was camp nurse. I went there every year for 7 summers from 6th grade through 12th grade. And wow, what memories came flooding back. I honestly didn't think I really missed camp days that much. And I guess I really don't, but it was so awesome to re-live old memories, to walk around and reminisce with Allison about all the shenanigans of those days. I ended up spending the night and coming back this morning. Went shopping with Hannah, and bought a Vera Bradley overnight toiletries bag. And Vera Bradley stationary. Cool, I know.

Well, I work the next two days. Hopefully they will go well.

Somehow I think I have managed to recover from the trip, at least a little. I spent the night with my parents so I could get up to work on my ECG rhythm class. (my computer cord is fried so I have to borrow theirs) That class took me seven hours! I had a headache afterward but was thankful I passed that test on the first try. I know, I know, I've known this was due July 17th for weeks and weeks. Of course I left it for the last day. I did try to log in while I was in Illinois, but it wouldn't work. Turns out I just had the address wrong and if I would have just called work they could have helped me. But it's done, and that's what matters.

I did get some yard work done today, that is a plus. However, less than half-way through mowing the front lawn the mower decided it wasn't going to work anymore. Great.

So, it's back to work in the morning. I guess I'm ready to go back, and hopefully it won't be a terrible day. Eleven days off was definitely JUST what I needed. I was getting to the point of almost hating my job, and that's not good. (who knows, maybe I will by tomorrow night) And let me tell you, vacation did come at a good time for more than one reason. Somehow or other, I hurt my back. Still have never figured out how, but last Thursday morning as I was leaning over the sink washing my face, I randomly felt a sudden twinge in my back. It hurt, and as the day went on it progressively got worse. I literally could hardly walk it was so painful. It went on for about 4 days, and even until yesterday it was still a little sore. There would have been no way I could have worked with my back like that. Today it has not hurt at all, thankfully, so it looks like it got better just in time! I can't pin-point exactly what happened, but I do have an idea and it did involve work. I am so careful with body mechanics to ensure my safety, but we'll just say that sometimes patients exhibit super-human strength out of nowhere, and your back takes the back shelf. (no pun intended)

Anyway, still feeling a little blue from being home after such a wonderful trip. But it is time to get back to reality. Can't live in a fantasy world forever!

My Family

What a great vacation this has been. I'm sitting here at Melissa's house right now by myself, passing the time until I have to leave to return the rental and get a ride to the airport. It has been great, though I'm a little bit ready to go home.

This has been such a great, bitter-sweet trip. Though as I leave I can taste more of the bitterness of it, throughout there were such sweet moments:

Last Wednesday, a walk down the street with my little brother for Sonic blasts. A little old tradition of ours, though this time it did not include cousins, but only siblings. After, a trip to Target with my sisters and dad, and a spur of the moment visit to my great-grandpa's grave-- which it turned out my dad had never even seen. My grandpa (dad's side) has aged considerably since I saw him a year and a half ago, and wow, how bitter-sweet my time with him was. Before we left to go to my mom's side of the family I was so torn up about it. Bitter, it was.

On my mom's side of the family we had a 60th anniversary party for her parents. And let me tell you, that was awesome! Almost the entire family (save for a few cousins who couldn't make it) were there, totaling 71 people including cousins' spouses and great-grandkids. We took the first family picture since the 50th anniversary, and my mom and all her brothers and sisters each read a tribute that they wrote to their parents. There weren't many dry eyes at that point in the day.

And now, I'm back in St. Louis, just waiting for the time to pass a little bit so I can go home. I came back Monday, and have had a good few days here.

This last week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Ranging from elation to be with family to the sadness for the past that is no more-- for the changes (both good and bad) that have come, and will yet come. I felt myself let go a little bit of all that once was. No, we are not the little kids that we once were. I can't come to Grandma's and be a little girl anymore. On this trip, I found myself hating time. Why can't we stop it? Listening to my aunts and uncles tell stories, remember their own childhoods, some of them unable to go on without crying-- and seeing my own life pass so quickly already. Why do we spend so much of our time wishing for time to pass, wishing for the next thing, the next stage of life? Even something so small as wishing it were Christmas, or wishing your vacation were here now, we wish our lives away. Time, that we can never have back again.

I look at both of my grandmothers on both sides, and feel myself like such a small person. I don't feel as though I could ever measure up to the amazing women that they are. But I hope someday I can.

As I leave today, I don't even know when I can come back next. Perhaps a January or February trip, or maybe a spring trip. Christmas is no longer much of an option, which I am slightly ok with, or at least have accepted.

Anyway, this has gotten long and I need to get ready to go. I love my family. I will miss the ones here for sure. I'm looking forward to going home, though not exactly getting back to reality. If I could just stay on vacation forever, wouldn't life be grand? (ha!) Anyway, a great trip it was.

I'm a text book over-packer. My bag weighed in at 54 pounds at the airport. And I realized I have never, ever come under 50 pounds when flying. I paid the extra money to check my bag and here I am! So, so glad to be here. Especially that I don't have to be at work until next Saturday! Yay!!

So far, lots of good times with family. Laughing, remembering, being together. Few and far between these days, but we enjoy it while we have it.