Lovely Sunday morning with the Olympics on TV (women's cycling) and a cup of coffee in hand.  I do wish we could watch the games live, because I feel like I have to be so careful not to find out who wins anything ahead of time.  Mostly with my favorite sports does it really matter.  But even then, it's still no fun to already know the results.  It's raining in London... I feel like that is not surprising at all.  I always imagine a lot of rain when I think of England.  Which probably means there are dementors everywhere... right?

Ahhh my cat is driving me insane!!  I bought this spray called Ssscat to keep on the counter.  It has a sensor which detects when the cat jumps up and sprays him.  It worked wonders while I had it.  When I went back to get a refill, PetsMart was all out.  Now my cat is out of control and I can't figure out how to keep him off tables and counters.  I don't like being harsh with him, which might be the reason I can't get him under control.  I need ideas... because it is getting old.  And it's just gross having a cat jumping on your counters and tables.  Nobody wants that.

I never did get called into work last night... hallelujah!!  I had picked up all this overtime, and was kind of regretting it.  I have two more OT days in the next two weeks and I hope I get canceled one.  I do want to work OT, just not as much as I signed up for.  Got some cool things coming up I need to save for.  Announcements will be coming soon... but not until I've got some stuff set in stone!

One cool thing I can announce (because I know you're all just on the edge of your seats!) is that in October I'm going to Cleveland to visit Lindsey!  I went a couple of years ago and it was a blast!  But there was a TON of snow, which was awesome, but kept us from doing quite as much as we might otherwise.  I figured a fall trip might be perfect.  Not hot, but hopefully a little cold (I do enjoy colder weather-- colder not FREEZING) and fall.  Did I mention fall?  I love fall!!

The best time in four years.  Olympics.  Wish they came around more often, but they are way more fun because of the anticipation.  I love cheering for the athletes.  I watched the Lochte/Phelps show-down, totally cheering for Lochte!  Glad he won.  He's somewhat of a local so it's good to cheer for someone from so close by.  I'd love to see him do what Phelps did four years ago.  Not to mention he's easy on the eyes... so...  But really.  I actually am rooting for him for more than that!  Florida boy's bringing home the gold!

Been watching them off and on all day.  Men's gymnastics already proving to be a lot of fun to watch.  For being 5 feet tall those guys sure are hot.  Honest, I like the Olympics for more than just that.  But one can't help but observe!

Anyway, I'm excited about the next couple of weeks.  I got put on call for work tonight, so I have gotten to watch a little more Olympic coverage than I'd expected.  Not to mention I wasn't feeling so great so it was a welcome phone call to get.  I'm still afraid they might call me in, but hopefully they won't.

Think of a time when you were the happiest.  When I think about mine, I imagine my high school self.  I know I wouldn't go back to that time, but when they say ignorance is bliss, they aren't kidding.  I was so oblivious to any sort of hardship or sadness in life.

I imagine what it would be like to be sitting in that stupid white conversion van again with my family, driving to Illinois at Christmastime to see my grandparents.  My hair frizzy and flying everywhere awkardly, wearing really nerdy clothes, but happy.  That night we ran out of gas when we were 20 miles out.  Hugging my grandparents in their healthier days.

I think about sitting in Starbucks with my high school friends, most of whom I don't even keep up with anymore, talking over which boy in the youth group is cutest... most of them were losers now that I look back on it.  I think about the quiet times in my room, when I would write in my diary, hoping and wishing to someday grow out of my awkwardness.  Writing about my many hopes and dreams.  Those were the few times I ever got to spend by myself, and I loved it.

I'm not a sad person, and I don't want this post to convey that.  I suppose I'm just feeling sentimental today and wishing for simpler, happier times.  Maybe they weren't as happy as I thought they were, I don't know.  Some of my happiest days in jr. high and high school were spent at Camp Kulaqua, and I'm DEFINITELY excited to go back there today!

Wednesday night I had nothing to do, so I decided to go see Madea's Witness Protection Program.  I LOVE the Madea movies.  I think they are hilarious, and this one was the funniest one yet!  I was telling my friend about it at work the next night, and she couldn't believe I went to a movie by myself.  It's funny, because when I do go to a movie alone I always feel a little self conscious.  When everyone is busy and I want to see a movie, I'm gonna see it.  Then I'm gonna feel like a weird loner when everyone else is paired up or with their best friends.

The first movie I saw alone was Alice in Wonderland a couple years ago.  I had never even considered seeing a movie alone.  I don't know why people don't do it more.  You will rarely see somebody sitting alone in a theater, but unless you're a fourteen-year-old making out with your date, all you do in a theater is watch a movie.  It really isn't about quality time with friends (unless it's a particularly funny movie, I suppose).  Not to mention I have a lot more free time than most people do, therefore am more likely to go to the movies spur of the moment when everyone else is busy.

Tomorrow I leave for Camp Kulaqua!!  Yeah!!  I'm so unbelievably excited!  I hope it's a calm week.  Last year was pretty busy with multiple sick kids.  Not to mention some counselors saw us as their babysitters.  Which I'm sure will happen again.  I just hope nobody gets sick. What a bummer to go to camp and get sick.  We ended up sending one girl home last year, which I felt so badly for.  Her mother tried so hard to convince us she was going to get better.

Last night I couldn't sleep, so I decided to watch Napoleon Dynamite.  I haven't watched that movie in years.  Reminds me so much of high school.  I feel like crap today, though.  Oh, well, I'm going to camp tomorrow.

I was always the skinny girl growing up.  I remember in jr. high, my mom bought me a size 1 Arizona jeans from JC Penney.  They were HUGE on me.  And I fit them until early high school, when I sort of began to fill out and fit size 4 and 6.  Then I decided I was fat and attempted dieting, where years of having a preoccupation with food and calorie-counting and diets began.  I hovered around a size 6 and never got above a size 8 in high school, and I thought I was fat.

I feel less fat today than I did then (though I look at pictures of myself in those days and can't believe how skinny I was).  And I wear a size 12 now.  I'm not even embarrassed to tell people that.  Yeah, I'm not skinny.  I know that and really, if people ask me if I'm pregnant (has happened multiple times...) it doesn't bother me.  Once a patient of mine asked and she cried because she felt so badly.  She couldn't believe I wasn't offended, but I just shrugged and said, "you aren't the first person to ask me that."  What's the worst thing someone could say to me?  Certainly not that.  (and for the record... I really don't look pregnant, I just don't have a flat stomach)

Come on, we've got beautiful women like Kristina Hendricks and Queen Latifah representing full-figured women in Hollywood!  I'm not saying I compare to either one in any way, but I certainly am curvy and proud of it.  I grew tired of striving to be a smaller size years ago.  But only in the last year or two have I really begun to appreciate myself and the way I look, even if it doesn't measure up to society's standards.  Not to mention I'm six freakin' feet tall and a size 12 on me is probably more equivalent to an 8 or 10 on shorter girls.

I know I would probably look better with 10 or so pounds off.  Sometimes I look at runway models and think, "Gee, wouldn't it be great to look like that?"  I'm not pretending to always feel secure and love myself, or say there aren't things about my body that I dislike.  But it has been so freeing to realize that it's ok to be happy the way that I am and to like what I see in the mirror.  I can still wear super-cute clothes and jewelry and show my own style.

That stupid saying "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is bull.  First of all, skinny girls don't feel skinny.  Many of the ones I know think they're fat.  Second of all, wanting to be skinny shouldn't be the goal.  And third, I think part of enjoying life is not obsessing over what you can and can't eat.  If you want a cupcake, eat the damn cupcake.  Just don't eat six.

All this to say, the odds of me ever being a size 4 again are slim.  I'm not going to tear myself apart because of the way that I look.  I could probably eat better and exercise more and look a little more toned, and that would be great.  However, today I am happy with the way I am.

Being a Nerd

Nerds are cool.

I'm not talking about hipsters and the whole "awkward is the new cool" kind of nerds that everyone seems to be embracing these days.  I'm talking about people who have been nerds since the beginning of time.

Anyone still re-living the glory of their high school or college basketball days, rave parties in their sorority or fraternity, or basically anything from their high school and college days, really look pretty pathetic and like they have no real accomplishments to show for themselves.  In Mindy Kaling's book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? she talks about the advice she gives to teenage girls if they want to be successful like she is.  She lists a few silly things, and then says "or do what I did, which is stay in school and be a respectful and hardworking wallflower, and go to an accredited non-online university."  She even mentions that it's ok to be a quiet and observant kid (because you learn a lot about people).  Because when you graduate, and you are in the real world, no one gives a shit about any of your high school achievements.

So it's better to be a nerd.  I don't really regret that I spent most of my time reading and studying through high school and college.  I didn't go to parties, I wasn't popular in the slightest, I didn't have lots of boys calling me, I didn't have any cool clothes.  I may have been a bit of a goody-goody in those days.  And maybe if I had done any of those things I still might have been the same person today.  But I'm proud of my accomplishments.  I'm proud that I was able to finish college and start a career and support myself.  I'm glad I was (and still am, at heart) a nerd.