Random Musings

Day shift life.  I have to say, it suits me well.  I have pretty much transitioned completely.  I'm happy to say I no longer need to take anything to help me sleep!  Which is a huge victory for me after struggles with insomnia for almost two years.  Since I've been off the sleeping meds, I've noticed my energy levels are much better during the day than they were before.  Yay!

As for an update compared to my last post, I'm doing better than I was then.  Not that I'm past it, but some days are simply better than others.  Taking a break from running was great for my mental health in some ways, but I think when your body is used to those endorphins, it's hard to not have that when they're gone.

Unfortunately this week my right achilles has decided to flare up for no good reason.  Well, maybe training for a marathon is a good reason, but it is extremely frustrating as I now feel I am at a standstill with my training.  I'm currently debating whether or not a long run is even in the books for me tomorrow, which absolutely kills me.  I'm five weeks out from my marathon, and at this point if I'm having to opt out of long runs I'm just not sure this is something that I should continue pursuing for now.  I'm not really sure what I'm going to do.  If the best decision for my body is to take a break--a real, prolonged break-- then I need to swallow my pride and do what is best for my long-term fitness.

There's part of me that feels if I can just push through the next couple weeks, which are the peak of my training, and make it to tapering, then I can worry about this issue after.  I pushed through my left achilles issue for a month during my half IM training, and although I didn't see many gains in my speed during that time, I still was able to finish my race strong.  Do I do that this time around?  I don't know.

This is probably sounding like the silliest problem one can have, but I'm torn because I have trained for 9 weeks since my triathlon, and so to just STOP is really hard.  I'm SO close and have worked so hard.  And so I don't know what I should do.

In other news, on Sunday night I went and watched the Ironman Coeur d'Alene finish line for a couple of hours.  Inspiring!  Seeing the emotion on athletes' faces as they approached the finish line was incredible.  I could relate to it on a small level from my half Ironman.  As I watched them finish, I felt inspired that maybe someday I will do a full Ironman myself.  I don't know when, but I know I want to do one now.  (I know... I know.  I said I would never do it.)

I'm thinking about 2017 and what I want to do as far as races go.  After doing Spartan a few weeks back with friends, I've been asked by them to do a Trifecta next year (do all 3 Spartan races in a calendar year).  And honestly, I don't know what I want to do.  I feel like there are too many options! Do I want to race triathlons?  Marathons?  Half marathons?  Spartan races?

Or do I want to just take 2017 to enjoy life with people.  Go on spur-of-the-moment coffee dates with friends.  Make last-minute travel plans.  Explore more of the PNW as I haven't gotten to do much of this year.  Go on hikes, go camping, backpacking.  Take care of myself.  Work on my relationship with food and my body image.  When I'm "in training" those things are less possible.  They take a back seat to a training regimen.

There's plenty of time to decide of course, but these are all things I am thinking about right now.  On top of that, I'm starting to see my time here in Spokane becoming more limited as I'm not sure what the next step in my life is going to be.

On a somewhat slow night at work last night, I took some time and read through some of my old blog posts on here.  I forgot how faithful I was blogging several times a week once upon a time.  My life was obviously much less busy in those days, but I got to thinking about how much I really miss blogging.  I don't keep a journal anymore, and I don't blog.  But I would really like to get back to updating this more regularly, and about more than just my work and training life.

I am such a different person today than I was when I started keeping up with this blog.  In the past two and a half years I have really grown into myself.  And because I haven't really kept up with writing down my thoughts throughout that time, so much of the process seems to be lost on me.  It's like, yes--travel nursing and moving across the country, seeing all kinds of new places, meeting all kinds of people, living independently-- it has changed me.  But when it comes to putting it into words for other people to understand?  I am at a loss.

I think about the beginning of my time as a travel nurse.  Driving across the country with my best friend, all of our stuff packed to the ceiling in my little Corolla.  That feeling of being both scared and excited at the same time, not knowing what was in store.  The loneliness that ensued for the next three months in California, the stress of the job assignment, the homesickness for familiarity.  The exploration of new cities week after week.  The boredom that came most days because we worked opposite schedules and the truth is, travel nursing is a lot less glamorous than it looks from the outside (as most things are).

Driving from California to Washington, the place I would eventually call home, though I didn't know it at the time.  I thought travel nursing was going to be an indefinite thing.  I thought maybe I'd take an assignment in Seattle, or start making my way back east by taking assignments in places like St. Louis or Cleveland.  

And in that time thinking I had met the man I would marry... putting a halt to my travels for him (at times I regret this decision, wondering where life would have taken me--although I don't dwell on it).  In that time experiencing the highest of highs and lowest of lows, feeling directionless, lonely, and hateful.

The saddest part of it all is I have become so disconnected from my life back home.  It isn't that I wanted to be disconnected, but that's what happens when one picks up and moves across the country. When your parents don't travel, and most of your friends save a few lose touch with you and you lose touch with them, everything you knew suddenly seems so far away.  And then you begin to question your entire belief system, something your entire life once revolved around.  Which has perhaps been the most alienating part of it all.

I'd like to get back to blogging regularly, regardless of whether or not anyone reads it.  I am resolving to sit down and write at least once or twice a week at the minimum.  So here goes nothing!

Life

Life has been incredibly busy of late.  Between traveling, working, moving, and triathlon training, I feel as though I haven't slowed down for weeks now.  I am definitely enjoying the pace of life, but also feel that I need a break... a reset.  But I don't know when or if that will actually be able to come about.

I had to say goodbye last week to my best friend, Bela, who moved to Wisconsin to be closer to her beau.  We have spent the past year and a half as travel nurses and roommates, essentially spending almost every day together in that time.  The bond that developed between us has become a sisterhood.  Saying goodbye was truly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  Not only saying good bye to a friend and sister, but to a wonderful season of life.  And being on the brink of the next season, whatever that may be.

The good in life lately is that I continually find myself more free with each passing day.  Letting go of hurt, sadness, and pain is a continuous, every-day task.  But letting go I am, and with each passing day it gets easier.  While I am truly happy and content with where my life is at this time, there are certainly days that the weight of loneliness can be overwhelming.

And although I'm lonely, I'm taking a break.  A break from dating, a break from looking for Mr. Right. A break from constant self-scrutiny of "Am I pretty enough?  Am I thin enough?  Am I enough?" (for I never think I am)  It isn't as though I spend all of my time dating and looking for men.  But I have spent a considerable amount of time on it, worried constantly about what men might think of me... perusing dating profiles in hopes of seeing one who can catch my eye... only to see myself as inadequate and undeserving of another's love.  Dating a man in hopes of sparking something, only to be disappointed.  I'm just done with it for awhile.  I'm tired.  Finding a husband isn't the end-all be-all of my life.  But it is something that has been on my mind more and more lately.  Yet it only seems to end in constant disappointment.

But my life is my own.  And so I am taking the next few months to simply look after myself.  To take care of my body, feed it well, train it well.  To invest in friendships and hobbies.  To do things that make me happy.  To find rest and continued healing in nature.  And to simply accept myself for who I am... every bit of me.

Life and Healing

Life has been good lately.

I feel very content with things just as they are.  It's been a long time since I've felt this way.  Content.  Settled.  Happy.

The last several months were months of insecurity, questioning, reasoning beyond the reasonable, chasing love that wasn't quite reciprocated, and just very discontent and unhappy as a result.

In all that mess I lost who I was.  I felt like a shell of the woman I had been.  Here I had moved all the way across the country, settled down in an unfamiliar place, and I felt as alone as I ever had in my life.  When I had wanted to feel so settled, I felt like I was in a place where I neither belonged nor was wanted.  I began to believe the lies in my head that said I was unloveable and worth no one's pursuit.  I did end up in a pretty bad place for awhile.  And I was perfectly content to stay there, to be left alone for a good long while.

I'm not going to say that those days don't come.  I have had moments, or an entire day of that kind of sadness here and there.  How do you heal from a broken heart if you don't deal with those feelings when they come?  No, they're a necessary part of healing I believe.  In fact, much of what I have found the hardest is letting go of who I was before my heart was broken.

But I have felt new life and energy these past few weeks.  Slowly, surely, I am coming back to myself. I am learning to be kind to myself on the days that are harder.  And those days are fewer and farther in between all the time.

There is just too much to be enjoyed in this world to let sadness overcome me.  I've found renewal in friendships, long runs, beautiful hikes, sunsets, conversation, practicing yoga, or even enjoying a rainy afternoon in.  I'm excited for what this next chapter brings!

Monday Night Introspection

Interesting the direction life takes you.

Upon unpacking things here, I found a journal I kept in 2011 in the desk I had in storage back in Florida.  I'm actually surprised by how sad I was during those days.  I mean, I remember being sad.  My grandparents, who had been a huge part of my life up until that point, had just died and I had a hard time dealing with it.  I think I was probably depressed--circumstantially so--but didn't realize it.  In one entry I even said I just hoped for life to once again be happy and full.

It's interesting, because that's something I've thought a lot about recently.  How happy and full life has been in this past year and a half.  I once felt like I wouldn't be happy again... and although I do remember feeling that way, it is only a memory now.  I've had to make a lot of changes in many areas of my life.  It took awhile to get there.  I've stretched myself and gone new places, done more (and more!) traveling, met so many new people.  I've stepped far out of my comfort zone many times... something I once never did.  I would definitely not say life has been easy the past year and a half, but it has been good.

Just some thoughts I have tonight.  I'm glad life has taken me where it has.  I've said it before, but this has been a season of life I have truly enjoyed.  I know life has yet to take many twists and turns--and certainly not all of them good--but I am content and thankful in this moment.

Life as I see it

Well, I said I was going to keep this blog more faithfully.  And thanks to a foot injury that unfortunately kept me out of work tonight, resulting therefore in the inability to go anywhere at this time, I've got a little extra time on my hands tonight.

Yes, a foot injury.  Not exactly certain how serious at this point, but enough that it's difficult to walk.  But it is somewhat better than it was this time last night, so I'm hopeful that by tomorrow it might be even better.  No idea how it happened, though I suspect it's related to running.  Anyway, I'm not here to talk about my foot.

Actually, I'm not really here to talk about anything really.  I guess this is just one of those usual boring updates.

This week has been quite relaxing, honestly (minus said foot injury).  After working crazy overtime last week (which I'm so grateful now that I did!) I gave myself permission to just relax.  Didn't pressure myself to pick up extra this week.  I enjoyed each moment.  I did have some issues with my car registration.  For future reference to those of you out there... think very carefully about buying a car out of state, especially if that state is over three thousand miles from your home state!  That's all I have to say about that.  The issue is quite resolved at this point.  A couple of days ago, we drove out to Green Bluff to go berry picking.  Something I've never done before!  And I'm even more excited now, because come fall we can go apple picking, and pumpkin picking at the pumpkin patch!  Believe me, for Florida girls, this is a novelty!

I have to say, for the first time in my life... I'm happy and content with where I'm at.  Not that my life has been really hard in the past, but there's always been this very unsettled feeling deep down.  I've known pretty much since high school that Florida was not where I would live for the rest of my life.  And since nursing school, that itch to leave never went away.  Taking that leap back in October was the best thing I could have done.  Being in this part of the country somehow just feels right... and I love it!

That isn't to say that life is always just amazing.  But right now, I feel I can take a step back and simply appreciate where it's at.

some days aren't as good as others.

Body positivity is something I work very hard to keep my focus on, especially when it comes to my blog.  I don't like to project negative thinking here.

But I also don't like to suppress feelings that are very real, even if only in that moment.

I have bad days too.  Still.  Like I've said before, this is a journey with ups and downs.  Today has felt like climbing uphill for some reason when it comes to accepting myself.  Not just in my body image, but in my abilities, my personality, among other things.  The negative voice in my head has been the loudest today--and I've allowed it to be, I'll admit.

What are some things I do on these days to take care of myself?

I took a nice walk this morning.  (Shin splints acting up, so running is on hold for a few days)

I read a good book.  Thanks to the recommendation of my friend, Jacob, I bought Tina Fey's Bossypants and haven't been able to put it down!  I may have almost finished the entire thing today.

I take a nice long, hot bath.

I listen to my favorite music.  Right now, it is Josh Groban.  Who am I kidding, Josh Groban is always a favorite!

And I allow myself to have my moments of negativity and insecurity... but I dig deep and figure out where these feelings are really emerging from.  It is usually a very real problem that I take and project onto my body image in order to ignore the real issue. (WHY do we do this?!)  Then I must deal with the real issue.  Suddenly, I find that I don't think myself so very disgusting after all!

And sometimes, you just have to chalk it up to a bad day and call it quits for the night.

A spontaneous picture taken by my brother.

I had just had a super fun day with friends.

I look happy, and I like it.

reasons to love my body

I am always looking for reasons and reminders about why I love my body.

As a woman, it's a constant and perpetual struggle to always think something about my body could be better.  "I'll be happy when I lose just 10 more pounds." "Once my thighs are thinner, I'll finally love myself."  "If only I looked like so-and-so, I'd be happy."  As if the biggest problems we face in life are flattening our stomachs, toning our legs, shrinking one pound at a time.  I spent a large part of my teens and all of college with that mindset.  Feeling big in a world of skinny, attractive people and once I was one of them, I would finally be happy (oddly enough these thoughts began when I was very skinny at 15, 5'11, and 140 pounds).  And sometimes, I still spend a little too much time in that mindset.

A quick walk through Wal Mart or Target or any other store is all you need to take a real blow to your self esteem.  Air brushed images of models on the covers of magazines.  These same magazines telling you how to exercise to get a butt like J Lo (and then use photoshopped models to demonstrate said exercises), how to obtain the perfect "beach waves" in your hair, how to eat better so you can be thinner. And three aisles of make-up, need I say more?  Your cheekbones aren't high enough, learn to contour them!  Your eye lashes are too short, so wear falsies!  You're too white, wear bronzer!  I could go on, but I think you get the point.

Exercise used to be a chore.  A punishment for the ice cream I had eaten, or for the fat girl I thought I was.  Boys are generally encouraged from a young age for how strong and fast they are.  Girls are encouraged from a young age for how pretty and small they are... meaning that when you grow up and you just don't quite fit into that small, pretty mold you feel like a failure.  (As a disclaimer, I realize that men do have their own set of issues in body image)

There were a few years where I didn't take good care of myself.  Oddly enough, it was during those years that I began learning to love myself and not let body hatred take over my life.  I can remember realizing that although I wasn't as thin as I used to be, somehow I still didn't feel as fat as I once did.    Now I don't advocate for the lifestyle I was living in those days, but being a little on the chubby side and being ok with it was awesome.  Of course I finally had to take control of my health which I've written about many times on here... but it became about my health more than anything else.

I have been learning more and more how to love my body in the past year.  And why I should love my body.  Because it has strength and endurance to run several miles at a time.  It is healthy and rarely gets sick... I am rarely one to even get a headache.  And yes, there are also physical characteristics that I love about myself, but I try to make health and wellness my focus now.  Fitness is a way to challenge myself, to better myself.  A couple weeks ago my elderly patient (who sadly passed away very suddenly a few days later) told me to never take being physically active for granted, but to enjoy it because someday that privilege will be taken away.

I wish there was a nice way to just tie all this up in a pretty bow and say I've fixed all my body image issues, and all the body image issues for all women in the world.  I think these are issues that sadly, all of us will deal with.  But I have made strides, and for that I am glad.

some introspection on this tuesday night

I have had horrible writer's block lately.  Keep getting on here to write and while I feel like I have so much to say, I just can't get it out into words on the screen.  So here's trying again, hoping that something of substance materializes here tonight.

Spokane has been an awesome assignment.  AWESOME.  I am praying that we get asked to renew this contract, as I have just loved every aspect of it.  The actual assignment itself is a challenge, don't get me wrong.  The floor we work on is definitely a PCU and can be a huge challenge, though I still feel I've dealt with worse at my old job so I can't complain.

I can't believe we are half-way through this assignment.  Time has flown so fast, but it's like that when you're having fun I'm told.  We are living a ways outside of civilization (for me, anyway) so days off honestly aren't spent in an extremely exciting manner unless we take a trip into Spokane.  My focus has been hugely on my health and fitness, and I can honestly say I'm enjoying it (in the snow, rain, and ice, too)!  I've challenged myself in ways I haven't in years... and for once the focus is on rising to the challenge and pushing myself rather than just what size I am and whether I've gained weight or not. We love trips to Target and Trader Joe's.  We've decided Trader Joe's is a discovery of finding a new snack to enjoy each time we go.  So far, we've found a lot!  I love Trader Joe's!

We took a trip to Seattle last week, which was pretty awesome.  Honestly, Seattle just wasn't quite what I thought it would be.  I think the cold rain had a lot to do with my disappointment, so I'm hoping one day to give it another chance.  I think I could love Seattle (I mean, there are like 75 Starbucks in the downtown area alone... hello!) but that one weekend just wasn't quite enough.  I will say, however, that Cafe Nouveau had the absolute BEST croissant I've ever tasted... twice-baked almond!  We even went back on our way out of Seattle just for that.  I am still dreaming of that, still dreaming of it.

As for just this whole adventure of travel nursing... I'm SO glad that I decided to do this.  There has been something so incredibly liberating about just picking up and going across the country.  To the complete unknown, with nothing but a sense of adventure and a friend at my side.  Which is what makes it as awesome as it's been.

It isn't that I didn't know who I was before embarking on this... but I've learned SO much about myself and the world in the past four months.  Branching out and seeing that there are different cultures, different ways of life, different viewpoints, all of that... honestly nothing I believe or think has changed since leaving Florida.  But it has been re-affirmed again and again.  Let's be honest, I'm not quite the diligent, conservative girl who never questioned anything that I was just a few short years ago.  There's a lot about the south that I miss, don't get me wrong. (my family and friends, Chick Fil A, Publix, just to name a few...)

There's something about the Northwest.  I don't know what it is... I just feel that I've grown into myself out here.  I can't even express what I'm trying to say.  Just that this experience has been so amazing, and I am so incredibly grateful to God for giving it to me.  I think I might be able to better express these thoughts another time... I'll leave it at that for now.

Out of the Waiting Place

I remember about a year ago, I happened to pick up Dr. Seuss's book once again, Oh, the Places You'll Go!  I had read it many times before, but not since I was much younger.  And it had never really meant a whole lot to me before that.  But one particular section stood out to me during that time last year whenever I first began to think about travel nursing.  I posted it here.  I remember thinking about that Waiting Place.  Because that Waiting Place was where I was then, and had been for a long time.

Always waiting, for what I never knew.  For things to happen to me, I guess.  Maybe a husband, or a great new job offer, or just for things to "get better" (whatever that means, right?).  And never really doing the things that I wanted to do because I was always hoping for some "aha!" moment, or something to drastically change.  My life was very much the same for quite a long time, and I was frustrated.  I felt I was watching life happen to everyone else.

So here I am, over a year later and I've finally pursued what I really wanted to do.  And yes, it has been really stressful.  But I'd rather be where I am, even if this isn't something I do forever, than sitting and wondering about the things that could be.  I don't want to spend my life just waiting for things to happen to me, but rather making them happen.  Isn't that how you'd rather live?

I have been really stressed, but honestly if I weren't here, I'd just be sitting back home.  Always wondering about all the what-if's and could-have-been's.  Stress and all, this is what I wanted, and I'm so glad I did it.

Health Thoughts for the Week...

Some thoughts on health and body image...

Happiness is a feeling.  Fat is not.

Fat will not determine my level of happiness.  Certainly, when I am taking care of myself I feel better.  I have more energy.  When I eat a well-balanced meal as opposed to an unhealthy one, I feel less inclined to make unhealthy choices later on.

Neither is fat a moral failing.

Wanting to lose weight and wanting to be healthier is not a moral failing.  Obsessing over it is unhealthy.  Using "thinspiration" and body comparison is unhealthy.  My body is not like anyone else's and therefore I will not use that method.  My body tells me when I am hungry, and I listen to it.  Sometimes my body tells me when I want (rather than need) something, and that is ok too.

Food is part of life's enjoyment.  It should be eaten and enjoyed.  If I eat a donut and enjoy it, (and I did, just this morning) I have no reason to feel guilty.

Finding a balance is a process.  I feel better today than I did a month ago, and that is what makes me happy.  It is not a feeling of fat or skinny or in-between.  And this isn't to say that those conflicts don't or won't arise within me.  But I am learning to really evaluate everything I am thinking about myself and my body image... does that make sense?

Sorry for the scattered thoughts.  And sorry for so much of the same stuff in the past couple of weeks here.  Haven't had much to say lately on this blog.

So, I wrote the other day about one of my favorite TV shows, Survivor.  And that I really particularly liked the winner of this season.  Cochran, a 25 year old Harvard law school graduate, was on the show this time as a favorite.  This was his second time playing.  A self-proclaimed super Survivor fan who has loved the show and even written his thesis on the jury system of Survivor, his first time on Survivor he was the biggest underdog there.  A fish out of water among the super-toned, six-pack abs, tanned and good-looking people that usually star on the show--he was bullied constantly, made fun of, and made to feel like the weak link the entire time.  I even remember thinking that CBS owed the world a PSA regarding bullying every week during that season of Survivor, because it was so painful to watch.  Ultimately he betrayed his tribe by flipping to another alliance, though one couldn't blame him after how awfully he was treated.

Of course, the first time around Cochran was insecure, afraid to take off his shirt, afraid of what people thought about him.  This time around, he just didn't care.  He played a confident game, and what I think was one of the most strategic games I've seen-- and with a lot more class than many of the other notorious strategists of past seasons.

So, why am I even going on about this at all?  I don't know anyone who watches Survivor or even cares about it.  Well, something that Cochran said in the reunion show really stuck with me.  He was comparing his second time around with the first, explaining what he felt was different.  How the first time, he was afraid that people would peg him as the socially awkward geek that he was, and how that had changed the second time around.

"Instead of those eccentricities and quirks being a source of embarrassment and anxiety for me, I accepted it as a reality of my existence and that's immensely liberating because I got to focus on the game this time instead of worrying about how I am perceived which really ruined my game the first time-- being able to focus on the game I've loved for half my life."

The reason this really stuck with me, is that this is something I think a lot of us must come to terms with in ourselves.  Owning who we are and not apologizing for it.  All of us must wake up each day and face the world.  Face people who think we are strange, or even stupid.  We must go to work, deal with difficult co-workers,  handle reality, and pay our bills.  But going through this while trying to be someone we aren't?  Or feeling incredibly insecure and caring about what others think about you every single day?  No thanks.  Liberating is the perfect word to describe owning your quirks, your social awkwardness, your "un-coolness" (all of which describe me).

Ordinary

I went to a memorial service for my friend's 98-year-old grandmother today.  It was a very sweet service.  Ninety eight years!  Can you imagine?  She had great health through most of that time.

It was a very small service.  As I looked around, it occurred to me that the reason for that is that at 98, most of your friends and family have all passed away.  Beyond your children and grandchildren, I can imagine that there are few left that really knew you.  I don't mean for that to sound as sad and depressing as it does.  Ninety eight is a good, long life.  Even at my grandpa's passing, as sad and devastating as that was for our family, I still realized what a long and productive 93 years he had.

I remember a boy from my youth group passing away when we were in college.  There were hundreds-- hundreds of people (upwards of a thousand, possibly) at his memorial.  And I always thought, wow, he must have really impacted many people!  But I suppose the younger one is at death, the more there will be to mourn him.  What a sad thought, really.

Death makes me think about life.  About my significance here on this earth.  Thinking about the passage of time-- how many thousands of years humans have been on earth, and for this short time I'm here.  It makes me feel really insignificant, really, when I think about it.  I don't think about how short life really is very often.  I'm 25.  Still young, and the thought of death isn't really one that plagues me a whole lot.  So I go on with life as if I have forever to live.  My own mortality doesn't really dawn on me.

But, anyway, don't really know why all this prompted me to write a post on it.  But I'd like for my life to be significant, even if it's only significant to me and the ones closest to me.  I've often thought how we live in a generation of doing BIG things.  Many people I know have dedicated their lives as singles (I hate to say it that way, but it's true) to overseas work.  I've never really felt called to that.  I have felt that my life is very insignificant in comparison to the big things they are doing.

When I watched the Hobbit, I was struck by the following quote by Gandalf: "Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found.  I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep darkness at bay.  Small acts of kindness and love.  Why Bilbo Baggins?  I don't know.  Perhaps because I am afraid, and he gives me courage."

So sometimes it is only the small everyday deeds.  The drink of water I gave to a dying woman this week, because that was all she said I could really do for her at that time.  I was so busy I hardly had time for it, but I felt that in one woman's final hours, perhaps a small gesture like that would mean something.  I find that in my job, though at times it is crazy, I have so many opportunities for those small everyday deeds.  Yes, there are still evil people in this world.  And maybe my small deeds won't really even do anything about that.  But maybe it can offer a little hope to someone who has none.  And that can make a difference.