reasons to love my body

I am always looking for reasons and reminders about why I love my body.

As a woman, it's a constant and perpetual struggle to always think something about my body could be better.  "I'll be happy when I lose just 10 more pounds." "Once my thighs are thinner, I'll finally love myself."  "If only I looked like so-and-so, I'd be happy."  As if the biggest problems we face in life are flattening our stomachs, toning our legs, shrinking one pound at a time.  I spent a large part of my teens and all of college with that mindset.  Feeling big in a world of skinny, attractive people and once I was one of them, I would finally be happy (oddly enough these thoughts began when I was very skinny at 15, 5'11, and 140 pounds).  And sometimes, I still spend a little too much time in that mindset.

A quick walk through Wal Mart or Target or any other store is all you need to take a real blow to your self esteem.  Air brushed images of models on the covers of magazines.  These same magazines telling you how to exercise to get a butt like J Lo (and then use photoshopped models to demonstrate said exercises), how to obtain the perfect "beach waves" in your hair, how to eat better so you can be thinner. And three aisles of make-up, need I say more?  Your cheekbones aren't high enough, learn to contour them!  Your eye lashes are too short, so wear falsies!  You're too white, wear bronzer!  I could go on, but I think you get the point.

Exercise used to be a chore.  A punishment for the ice cream I had eaten, or for the fat girl I thought I was.  Boys are generally encouraged from a young age for how strong and fast they are.  Girls are encouraged from a young age for how pretty and small they are... meaning that when you grow up and you just don't quite fit into that small, pretty mold you feel like a failure.  (As a disclaimer, I realize that men do have their own set of issues in body image)

There were a few years where I didn't take good care of myself.  Oddly enough, it was during those years that I began learning to love myself and not let body hatred take over my life.  I can remember realizing that although I wasn't as thin as I used to be, somehow I still didn't feel as fat as I once did.    Now I don't advocate for the lifestyle I was living in those days, but being a little on the chubby side and being ok with it was awesome.  Of course I finally had to take control of my health which I've written about many times on here... but it became about my health more than anything else.

I have been learning more and more how to love my body in the past year.  And why I should love my body.  Because it has strength and endurance to run several miles at a time.  It is healthy and rarely gets sick... I am rarely one to even get a headache.  And yes, there are also physical characteristics that I love about myself, but I try to make health and wellness my focus now.  Fitness is a way to challenge myself, to better myself.  A couple weeks ago my elderly patient (who sadly passed away very suddenly a few days later) told me to never take being physically active for granted, but to enjoy it because someday that privilege will be taken away.

I wish there was a nice way to just tie all this up in a pretty bow and say I've fixed all my body image issues, and all the body image issues for all women in the world.  I think these are issues that sadly, all of us will deal with.  But I have made strides, and for that I am glad.