Grandpa

Grief is a weird thing. I know it sounds odd, but I kind of feel like the last few days I've been living outside of myself. People coming and hugging me and my family, telling us how sorry they are... it all just seems surreal. I still feel like when we go up in a couple of weeks, Grandpa will still be sitting in the den, waiting for us to come give him a hug. It still doesn't seem real, but there is still a sadness in my heart all the time. Life goes on, and of course it must because that's what Grandpa would want.

And I suppose people might be thinking, ok it's your grandpa. Grandparents pass away, it happens. But my grandpa was special because he had real relationships with each one of his grandchildren- he knew us and we knew him. He was not just a grandpa who bought us presents at Christmas and birthdays. In fact, he didn't spoil us with lots of things, instead he spoiled us with love. All of us are devastated by his passing. It is going to take awhile for me to get beyond this grief, and I don't think any one of us will ever forget him and the legacy he left us. A legacy of love, generosity, faith, family, and I could go on. He spent 64 years of his life married to my grandma. What a legacy that is right there. God has put a special blessing on my grandpa, and I feel blessed that I can be apart of that blessing. I hope I can be half of the person that Grandpa was.

It is just really hard to accept. I think I'm still in the acceptance phase of it all, because I still don't think I believe Grandpa is gone from this world. Living far away probably contributes to that, because I wasn't there to see his health decline. However, this past summer when I saw him, I was devastated by how much he had aged and felt that our time left with him was short. I didn't realize just how short it was going to be, of course.

We are still going up for Christmas. I think Grandpa would like that, knowing we are still going to celebrate and be a family without him here. Because he worked to build a family who loved each other. It will honor his memory that our family will continue to stick together over the years. That we are friends with our cousins, that we know and love our aunts and uncles. Grandpa loved nothing in this world above his family. How could I be so blessed to call him Grandpa? I wish I had realized what a blessing it was while he was alive, but I will go on to tell my children and grandchildren about him. He has taught me many lessons in life.