I will be leaving in a few days for my grandpa's memorial service. I know that the reality of his being gone will really hit me then. I have sort of gotten past some of the initial pain of it, but there is still an aching that remains. I can't wait to be with family, to talk about Grandpa with all of them, reminisce, hear stories. And to see my grandma. She is still in the hospital and may not be out in time. But I want her to be there as long as she needs to be, and get better!! We still need you, Grandma!

Yesterday was one of the oddest days of work. I come in to a DNR right at death's door, and she died at 9 am. First time I've had to deal with a dead patient, and let me tell you it wasn't fun. I had to tag the toe, put her in the body bag (thankfully not alone, I had a tech-- although I was alone for some of it) and take her to the morgue. It was just... weird. I was scared to be alone in the room with her body. I felt like she was going to jump up and shriek at me or something. And just a few other odd things I have never had to deal with at work. Maybe I'll talk about them another time, but right now I am still processing everything that happened yesterday. It was all just weird, sad, and emotionally (and psychologically, quite honestly) draining. Blah, add to the list that when your nurse isn't super woman (or man), and not always smiling cheerfully, please be kind!

I will say, this week I feel like I made a real difference as a nurse. Not just in comfort of family, but I feel that I intervened on nearly a critical care level for one of my patients Thursday, entirely going by my own instinct that something wasn't right and following through. Although I suppose a heart rate in the 150s all night unaddressed by the previous shift was my first inkling... haha. When I move to night shift, I hope I don't become the nurse that sits on crap like that, not intervening like a real nurse should.

This has probably been one of the toughest couple weeks of work, but I come out of this past week feeling like it was at least worth it this time. Maybe a daughter has more time with her mother, or someone else felt like someone really cared for them in their dying hour... I don't know, I just want to hope I made a real difference. I'm tired of some of the crap I deal with at work with people who manipulate the system and you do everything you can, and still they are angry and bitter and hateful.

One thing I am hoping to see this week: SNOW! I did see it in February in Cleveland, which was awesome, but I REALLY want a white Christmas!

I got Epic Mickey on Wii from my parents for Christmas. That's what I'm going to do today!