Grandpa

There are no words to express the grief that is in my heart today as I write this. My dear PawPaw Bear passed away last night around 8 pm Central Time.

I spent yesterday with my parents and 2 of my siblings, talking, crying, laughing over all the memories of Grandpa. Although he was not awake yesterday, I was able to say a few words to him on the phone. I am so thankful. I don't know if he heard or not, but I know that he knows how much I love him. After I went home last night for a few hours, my mom called at 9:05 to tell me Grandpa had just passed away. I immediately came home so I wouldn't be alone. And there was such a quiet as I walked into my parents' house in the dark, with the leaves rustling in the wind, the Christmas lights still shining, even though my heart did not feel like shining.

Grandpa, I sure will miss you. I found a note that Grandpa left for me in 1997 when they left our house for theirs in Illinois: "Goodbye for awhile. Don't take any wooden nickels. You are still my sweetie from Tahiti, tweety tweety. Love, Paw Paw." Grandpa knew how much it always broke my heart to say goodbye to him and Grandma. And even though that goodbye was only for a few months many years ago, it has special significance for me today. It is goodbye for only awhile, for sure. Grandpa, I know I will see you again. I wish I could have seen you one last time, hugged you one last time.

He was a great, GREAT man. One of the best for sure. He has done so much in his life. He loved above and beyond. My heart aches for the emptiness that is left behind. However, I feel a strange sense of relief that I didn't know would be there when he died. Grandpa does not feel pain anymore. Thank you, JESUS! He did not suffer for very long at all. Grandpa lived 93 years of relatively good health. That is the blessing in it all. He never had to move out of the home that he loved.

Grandpa, I miss you and love you so much. Goodbye for awhile.