Ah... Super Bowl Sunday. A momentous occasion in America... and guess who doesn't care! You're lookin' at her! (or, well, you're looking at her blog) About all I know about it this year is Tim Tebow's supposedly controversial commercial, and I missed it because I was at the grocery store buying all the junk food I could.

Because, you see, when I feel sorry for myself, that's when I eat. Yes, I eat my emotions. Whether they are happy or sad, if you see me at a grocery store and the cart is full of crap, then you know I'm either in a really crappy mood or I'm celebrating something. This is not the place to divulge why I am in such a mood, but I will say that it takes me back to high school feeling this way. I have not been so upset over something so petty in quite a long time.

I was talking with Allison today about our place in life. Being a single woman isn't something I try to spend my time dwelling on. I'm not going to say I'm excited about Valentine's Day coming and going again without a boyfriend, but it's not something I'm especially bitter about right now. Sure, there are days I choose to be bitter and angry, I won't deny that. Anyway, I find it funny that we always talk about how we want guys to be the initiators of a relationship. Such as, why should we have to overtly show our interest before a guy shows his? Why should we have to be the ones to make the guys feel confident in their position? What happened to men being men? Why do they fear rejection so much? And such other things. I won't deny that I'm very cut and dry when it comes to relationships. Men, ask ladies out. Ladies, be ladies. And there ya go. But look at me. I'm almost 23, still single (and, admittedly never having been on a date). Maybe we do have it wrong. Something to think about? But I don't want to be the one who has to initiate anything.

I don't lack social skills. Am I a quiet person? Sure. I am not always the most conversational, and I probably tend to be too much of an introvert when it comes to having fun, hanging out, etc. I'm not a flirt either, so I'm not one of those girls who sends signals left and right when I'm interested. Not to mention I'm a half a head taller than 80% of men in the world, so there's that issue there too.

There is part of me that longs to be independent, to take care of myself, to prove to the world that I can do it (and if a husband fits in the equation... great!). To prove I don't need to be taken care of. Because, really, I am capable of providing for myself. That part of me says that I have worked too long and too hard to get to where I am. But there is that other part of me, that I'm afraid is far more dominant, that simply longs to be pursued and taken care of. I want somebody to see through my carefully built exterior to that, but at the same time I don't. I know all of this sounds stupid, but it's true.

And at that, I don't know where to go. I guess I just keep going.

PS Feeling sorry for myself is unrelated to this post