After this week, I will no longer be a night nurse.


After five years of working night shift, I am finally making the transition back to days.  I started on nights when I was still a pretty new nurse.  I was young-- 23--and my body made the transition fairly well.  With the exception of a sleepless night here and there, life on nights was pretty awesome for awhile.  In fact, I was sleeping more than I ever had before and I was loving it.


Toward the end of 2014, anxiety and depression weaseled its way into my life, manifesting in extreme insomnia.  Although the anxiety/depression somewhat dissipated, the insomnia never went away.  For a year and a half I lived on restless, broken-up nights and days of sleep.  Never getting more than 3-4 hours at a time, 5 if it was a good night.  The very occasional long night of sleep was never enough to make up for it.  I was on my way to a nervous breakdown if I didn't do something soon.  I describe it as feeling constantly on edge.  Anxious when I went to sleep because I was afraid I wouldn't sleep well.  Anxious when I was awake because I was so beyond exhausted I could barely function.  I was miserable.


I finally caved a couple of months ago and went to the doctor to be put on something to help me sleep.  Nothing strong, but I had tried everything in the book up until that point.  That first night I woke up after eight full hours of sleep was heavenly... I remember feeling better than I had felt in over a year.  Finally I had to make the decision that it's best for my health that I go back to day shift.  Even though I'm now sleeping well at nighttime, in between shifts is still iffy.


I can't do it anymore.  I can't manage switching back and forth.  Even while my sleep is better than it was, I want to feel better all the time, and not just on my days off when I'm on a "day schedule."  I'm tired of trying to stay up late the night before work, getting in a good nap the next day, and then trying to keep myself awake all night that first night back.  I'm tired of having low energy.  It is a tired that cannot be explained.  It is being drained of all energy, legs heavy.


I've known for at least six or seven months that this switch was coming.  I am nervous to make the switch, nervous for a faster-paced environment in a facility in which I am still new.  Here's to new change, and hoping that it will be for the best!

I went and saw the Hunger Games yesterday. I went to the 11am showing, which was nice because it wasn't crowded at all. Having read the books, I'm glad to say that it was true to the story for the most part, and overall a very well-done movie. It was almost as hard to watch as it was to read the first book (if you know the premise, you know why). I did cry, yes I did cry. I loved how they captured the Capitol... almost exactly how I imagined it in the book. And Cinna... in the short time he was onscreen, I really grew to love him! Now, I'm excited for the next one!! The second book was really good.

I have been beyond exhausted since being off work Saturday morning. Saturday, I slept 10am-8pm. Then I went to bed again from midnight until 7am. Which was good, because I was able to stay up all day Sunday and hang out with my family. I went to bed early, about 9:00, slept until 4:30 yesterday morning (which isn't bad). Last night, around 6:45, I decided I was so tired I should take a nap. Fast forward to 5am today. I can say that I feel so refreshed! I think that for the first time in a long time, right now I am not tired. I can't say I'll feel this way all day, but right now it feels good.

Got my apartment cleaned yesterday. Good feeling! Clean by my standards, anyway. It always looks a little lived-in, which is ok by me.

One more day off today, and it's back to work tomorrow night. I'm hoping for a good week of work this week. Lately it has been tolerable, though Friday night was tough. I love admitting a patient whose blood sugar starts at 500 and is 38 by morning... not to mention, three patients who need help up to the bathroom all night, cleaning up others all night, pain med after pain med... and more. If you're a nurse, you understand! All right, enough talking about work on my day off.

I'm gonna relax today, maybe lay out by the pool. Sounds wonderful. Have a great day!

I apparently went to bed way too early last night. Before I drifted off into lala-land, I did hear that the President was going to be speaking. I was just too tired though...

Anyway, good news to wake up to. I had gotten a text from my sister Hannah last night at 11:30, but I rolled over and ignored it. I'm glad I did, because I'm sure I would have woken right up and watched the news for too long. When I checked my facebook this morning, I couldn't believe the amount of victory statuses on there. I realize this is a huge thing, but people need to remember this guy wasn't the only thing we have to worry about. There's still more like him out there.

Did I sleep last night! Honestly one of the best nights of sleep I've had in awhile, even if I did wake up a couple different times (maybe subconsciously, I felt safer with Bin Laden dead?). A full night of uninterrupted sleep is hard to come by for me, but I have to say last night was one of the best I've had in awhile. And I also have to say, there is nothing better than hearing thunder rumbling in the distance while I write this. Just no tornadoes, please.

I can't believe all the tornadoes that have been occurring this spring. Please keep these people in your prayers. One of my patients was just telling me yesterday about someone they knew who was killed in one. So many are affected by this.

I have recently found out that I like country music. I actually always have, but never really listened to it. My sister Hannah has always been a fan, and I used to laugh at her for it, but now we love listening to it together. Ok, I'll never be a die-hard fan, but who doesn't love a little wholesome music about God, their country, and family?

I go back to work tomorrow night, but after a three in a row I'm off for six! Since Hannah is off school, we are trying to make plans to have fun. And can I say, it is awesome how we have become much better friends in the last few months? It's amazing what a few years can do for a friendship with a sister.

Though I work night shift now, I do try to keep a day schedule when I get several days off of work. Right now I'm on the first of 6 off- hallelujah! The first several weeks I have tried sleeping at night occasionally using Advil PM- which has benadryl in it. Fine until the morning came, and I was somewhat groggy. Not only that, there were nights it seemed to have the opposite effect and keep me wide awake. So last night I tried Alteril. I've seen the commercials, and was pretty skeptical but I'm open to try what works without being something I'll be dependent on. I fell asleep very quickly, and slept through most of the night.

And I feel fine this morning, which is even better! What is odd is that I had strange and vivid dreams. I dreamed about people and places I haven't thought about in a long time. Random, or caused by taking Alteril, who knows. I think I did sleep deeper than usual, which is probably why. Though I sleep a solid 6 or 7 hours during the day between work, it's never the same as a good night's sleep.

I'm looking into the 2012 Olympics. Tickets are available for the games in mid March. It's hard to get them, and you have to be approved and not everyone can even buy them because there are only a limited amount available. I don't know, it seems fun, and they are in London, so why not? I just need someone to go with... can't go to London by myself! It's a year and a half away, so who knows? Annd... it is highly, highly likely I won't go but it's kind of fun to think about it. Either way, there's nothing like watching it on TV, hosted by Bob Costas and hearing the NBC Olympic theme music. Ahh, I'm getting myself pumped up already!

And so, it's lazy Friday (wake up in the afternoon!) here at the town house. Don't think I'll be accomplishing much of anything, and I'm ok with that. After the week of work I had, hey, it's ok to laze around a bit not doing much of anything.

This is me right now.
See the sun peeking through the blinds?
I'm too tired even to enjoy that.
Ah... maybe in a few hours.

I make myself so mad when I oversleep. I had my alarm set for 8:00 am today, and definitely don't even remember hearing it go off. Then I woke up at 10:50 really mad. Oh, well. I'm all showered and clean now, and I do feel really rested. Yesterday I woke up at 9:30 (after having woken up at 4:30 unable to sleep for about 3 hours) and ended up taking a nap from 12:00-4:30. The trend in my life lately-->sleep! Not so bad though, I love sleeping. It just takes away from life. I once heard most people sleep away 30 years of their lives by the time they die.

Sunday was a pretty good day. I came home from work, slept about 5 hours until about 1:00 (see, more sleep) and went to a cute little restaurant near Riverside with my roommate and some friends called Biscotti. It was fun (and had the BEST desserts ever!). It's probably the first social "thing" I've done in weeks. I feel like I'm continuously apologizing to people for being a zombie, or spacey, etc, the last couple months. Even before I switched to nights, I was having trouble regulating a sleep schedule and often found myself feeling this way.

I think I am going to stick with night shift. My boss put me on it for another month to give me time to decide. Otherwise I would've gotten a week to decide, and if you had asked me last week I might have told you that no, I wasn't going to do it. However, it really is much better than days, and I'm finding the team at night is a lot of fun to work with (initially I was really nervous about working with a whole new team). I go back in tomorrow for another 3, then I have 5 nights off! What to do with all that time?

A movie I watched, finally, for the first time last night- Sixth Sense. And honestly, I didn't really think it was that scary. And I get scared really easily. I always thought according to the way people talked, that it was one of the scariest movie of the 90s. Anyway, I thought it was good, and mostly just kind of suspenseful, and a little creepy at times.

I'm hoping I can get through today without taking a long nap. So far I feel pretty good-- we'll see.