After this week, I will no longer be a night nurse.


After five years of working night shift, I am finally making the transition back to days.  I started on nights when I was still a pretty new nurse.  I was young-- 23--and my body made the transition fairly well.  With the exception of a sleepless night here and there, life on nights was pretty awesome for awhile.  In fact, I was sleeping more than I ever had before and I was loving it.


Toward the end of 2014, anxiety and depression weaseled its way into my life, manifesting in extreme insomnia.  Although the anxiety/depression somewhat dissipated, the insomnia never went away.  For a year and a half I lived on restless, broken-up nights and days of sleep.  Never getting more than 3-4 hours at a time, 5 if it was a good night.  The very occasional long night of sleep was never enough to make up for it.  I was on my way to a nervous breakdown if I didn't do something soon.  I describe it as feeling constantly on edge.  Anxious when I went to sleep because I was afraid I wouldn't sleep well.  Anxious when I was awake because I was so beyond exhausted I could barely function.  I was miserable.


I finally caved a couple of months ago and went to the doctor to be put on something to help me sleep.  Nothing strong, but I had tried everything in the book up until that point.  That first night I woke up after eight full hours of sleep was heavenly... I remember feeling better than I had felt in over a year.  Finally I had to make the decision that it's best for my health that I go back to day shift.  Even though I'm now sleeping well at nighttime, in between shifts is still iffy.


I can't do it anymore.  I can't manage switching back and forth.  Even while my sleep is better than it was, I want to feel better all the time, and not just on my days off when I'm on a "day schedule."  I'm tired of trying to stay up late the night before work, getting in a good nap the next day, and then trying to keep myself awake all night that first night back.  I'm tired of having low energy.  It is a tired that cannot be explained.  It is being drained of all energy, legs heavy.


I've known for at least six or seven months that this switch was coming.  I am nervous to make the switch, nervous for a faster-paced environment in a facility in which I am still new.  Here's to new change, and hoping that it will be for the best!