Taking a little break from the cruise picture posting.  This week's events have had me a little more serious.  I'm obviously still getting over the loss of my cat, so I haven't been able to divert much energy to organizing any more photos.  I'll finish that later, as I know you're on the edge of your seat.

Since Albus's passing, I've been trying really hard to give Aberforth as much attention as possible.  Although the two of them only had about a month and a half of bonding, Aberforth hasn't ever been without another kitty to play with.  Initially when I came home on Friday, I knew he was looking for Albus.  He seems ok now, but lonely.  Or maybe I'm telling myself out of guilt that he's lonely and he needs me.  But either way, he has been a real comfort to me.  He is as sweet as Albus always was, and for that I'm thankful.

Friday was really hard.  I mean really, really hard.  Grieving for an animal is difficult, because it's a very lonely grief.  I'm not saying the loss of an animal is of the same magnitude as a person.  But for someone who has no immediate family of their own (speaking as far as husband and children, not siblings and parents) the loss of a pet is a big deal.  And because that pet was only yours, no one shares in your grief in quite the same way you do.  However, people have been amazingly understanding and compassionate.

Things that have helped me: being with my family, watching Big Bang Theory and NCIS, snuggling with Aberforth, and listening to Disney music.  I am hoping to feel better soon.

Albus

It is with sadness that I tell you that yesterday, my sweet kitty Albus passed away.  It was all very fast and unexpected, and overall a very traumatic and awful experience I'd rather stop re-living again and again, so I won't talk about that.

Albus, you were the greatest friend in a cat I could have asked for in the past year and a half.  You came to me a short while after a really rough time, and helped me heal.  In times when I felt alone, you were there for me.  And even during the times that sometimes I felt like you got a little under my skin by having your night terrors running from one end of the apartment to another, jumping on the counters and dining table, and stealing all of my hair ties to play with them, you still loved me unconditionally.

I had envisioned having you for many many years.  You being my buddy through thick and thin, until I was well into my thirties.  And I know you would have if you could.

You were always so excited to see me when I got home.  You would be right there at the door to greet me.  I had often heard people say that dogs were just the more lovable and kind animal, I would smile to myself and think, "Not Albus."  You wanted to be everywhere I was.  And you loved everyone you met, also.  Even my dad, who has never liked cats, liked you.

I miss you, Albus.  When I came home to my apartment for the first time last night and you weren't there to greet me, I felt so lonely and heartbroken.  Though I've cried many tears over you and know I will cry more, I will always remember you and the joy you brought me for a year and a half.  It was too short.

He didn't enjoy taking pictures with me. 

 Always so sweet and loving.

The Most Interesting Cat in the World 

This was just a few months ago.  So playful. 

Getting used to a new brother.

Disney Cruise: Days 3&4

Monday morning we were scheduled to go to the Grand Cayman, but due to high winds we were unable to be cleared by port authority.  I was actually totally ok with an extra day at sea, because I most enjoyed our time on the ship anyway. 

Eating a yummy lunch at Cabana's, our favorite breakfast and lunch buffet. 

Sitting out on deck 14 to watch the sunset.  Definitely one of my favorite things to do! 

The beautiful ship at night 

A delicious bananas foster 

One of the many yummy meals I had.  Actually, this was among the biggest portions we were ever served.  One thing I really liked about the ship is that they serve true portions. 

Javier, our state room host, always made our room look awesome after supper! 

Tuesday we sailed into Costa Maya, where we got to go on a tour of the Mayan ruins. 

We're at the Mayan ruins! 

You can't tell here, but I had climbed up some very steep steps to get to the top.

Coca Cola Light in Mexico!

Sitting out by the pool watching a movie, one of our very favorite things to do! 

What about Shoe La La?

Monday and Tuesday were great days on the cruise in my opinion.  Due to the cancelation of the Grand Cayman, we got even more time on the ship to explore and have fun.  We spent much of that day out at the pool, browsing through the shops, and eating good food.  Because of the cancelation, we arrived into Costa Maya extra early and stayed extra late, though we didn't spend any more time off the boat outside of our Mayan tour.  It was difficult to browse through the shops with the sales people constantly trying to grab your attention to come buy something from them!  We had even more interesting experiences with that the next day in Cozumel.

Even though I loved being at the ports, I honestly mostly just enjoyed being on the ship.  After all, I felt like that was what I was paying the big bucks for so why not make the most of it that I could?  There was so much to do.  I never really felt claustrophobic like I thought I might.

I'm still re-living all of last week in my mind.  Can't seem to get back into reality, though I think being back at work tonight will probably help with that all too well.  Anyway, I probably keep repeating myself, but it really was such a wonderful week!

Disney Cruise: Days 1&2

If you don't like looking at people's vacation pictures, I suggest you ignore this blog for the next several days!

Getting ready to board.  We were so excited! 

Just before boarding.  A very nice couple with many years of Disney cruising experience helped us out with the process, and offered to take our picture!

It was windy from the start!  We hadn't even set sail when this was taken. 

Getting ready to get a tour of the ship from Joshy.  This is just outside the Walt Disney Theater. 

Sailing Away Dance Party! Allison convinced me to go, and we had a blast dancing!  I'm pretty sure we were the only adults without kids at that party, as everyone else was already at the adults-only lounges. 

Dancing like the two cool kids at heart we are! 

First night's dinner at Palo- adults only dining.  Amazing! 

One of my favorite things about the cruise, was that you could go anywhere at all hours.  The first few nights, we took midnight walks around the walking deck, then explored the ship on our own terms.  It was fun and adventerous! 

Goofing around late at night 

Eating breakfast the second day.  The movement of the ship bothered me more than I thought it would, and here I was already feeling seasick.  Fortunately two good naps and some dramamine took care of that, but not a whole lot happened that day.

\

Our first night dining at our table with our servers and table mates.  We ended up getting great table mates- a mother and daughter named Elaine and Kayley, and a nice older couple named Mark and Pat. Ended up having a great time at all our meals with them, as well as running into them around the ship!

Another late night walking around the ship.

Gosh, can't fun times like this be more often?  Though Allison and I hadn't really been planning this cruise for very long, it still feels like such a let-down when it's over.  Back to reality.  But I'm glad I got to go.  It was the first "real" vacation I've ever been on.  I have traveled quite a bit, yes, though never in this fashion.  I've never stayed in such a nice resort such as this cruise, or been catered to so much as I was on this trip.  Not to mention, we didn't have any cell phone or data access, so there was no texting anyone or checking in on Facebook!  The isolation was quite nice.  And now that I'm home, I'm on Facebook quite a bit less than before.

Man, can't wait for the next one.  Where will it be?  Eastern Caribbean?  Panama?  Alaska?  Who knows, but I can't wait!

Vacation

I spent last week cruising the Western Caribbean with the Disney Cruise Line!  If you are interested in seeing more about it, I made a video here.

It was one of the best experiences I've ever had.  The first true vacation I've had, really.  With some of the recent Carnival issues, I was a little wary of a cruise.  But I felt fairly confident that with Disney, I had very little to worry about.  My expectations were exceeded.  It was the most relaxing week.  The service was amazing, the food even better.  I can't think of anything negative to say about the whole week.

I am already trying to figure out which cruise will be my next one.  I can't wait!

To smile or not

I read something interesting on Pinterest recently, a quote by Kristen Stewart regarding the fact that she rarely smiles:

"People say that I'm miserable all the time.  It's not that I'm miserable, it's just that somebody's yelling at me... I literally, sometimes, have to keep myself from crying... It's a physical reaction to the energy that's thrown at you"

I used to think the same thing about her-- that is, why doesn't she smile more?

But I realized, people think the same thing about me.  And I've always hated it and been hurt by it.

Strange men in passing tell me to smile.  I've been told I'd be pretty if I just smiled.  I'm asked by random strangers "Is it really all that bad?"  Even men I know have commented on it-- at times inappropriately.  When women notice it, usually they simply ask me if I'm ok.  But men, it's like they think they deserve a smile from me or something and if I'm not then they have the right to tell me I should.  I remember growing up, my sisters telling me that their friends thought I always looked mad.  This was before I was even 12 years old, so I knew pretty early on that I couldn't simply just be me... but I had to try to look a certain way for others to be happy with me.

And last week, I floated to another unit.  The charge nurse and unit secretary were joking, and it just wasn't funny.  It wasn't, and I didn't feel obligated to laugh for either one of them.  They looked at me and said, "You're really tired, aren't you?"  Nope.  It wasn't funny.  And I am someone who laughs pretty easily.  I'm not particularly funny, but sometimes I laugh so much at things it's kind of embarrassing.  So it isn't that I don't have a sense of humor, though I think people, especially men, want to fancy themselves so funny that I must be sense-of-humor-less if I don't force a laugh for them.

It has dawned on me that in our society, women are expected to smile.  Is smiling an obligation, professionally or socially?  People are uncomfortable when you're not smiling.  In my job, they tell us that we should always smile at every person we walk by at all times.  Do we even realize how strange that is?  For everyone to do that, all the time?  For some people it comes naturally, but for others, it doesn't.  I'm one of them.  It would be weird for me to try to plaster a smile on my face all the time, because my mouth naturally curves more downward.  Not to mention I was born with hooded eyes, and therefore, strike 2: I even more easily look mad or sad.

So, to clear the air: I am not, in fact, angry, sad, or depressed at all times, and I don't have a bubbly disposition... so men (and women, too) of the world, you don't need to comment on it. It's just a naturally serious face I have, coupled with the fact that I am an introvert (another awful trait for a woman to have- but that's another subject for another time) and so I probably won't force a smile and conversation with every stranger I see.  Sorry.

Online Dating

So, confession time.

I tried online dating.  Actually, I've tried it twice.  But I considered this most recent attempt to be my most serious.  It was something I did quietly.  Didn't really make a big deal out of it, in fact didn't even really share it with my family that I was going to do it.  It was just something that I wanted to try.

Through my research, I found the idea of online dating is that you communicate with as many people as possible and meet as many people on dates as possible so that you can find the right one.

This was probably what should have been the first red flag for me, as I am easily overwhelmed when it comes to meeting people I don't know.  When I first started, I mostly browsed through profiles.  I might send a "smile" here and there, try to open communication, but mostly I was too scared to even do that.  Simply being on the website itself was a huge step for me.

I know what you're probably thinking.  I'm 25, so why was I already resorting to something like this?  And if you are, well, then you probably aren't aware how many young people there are on dating websites.  You probably know more of them than you think.  Online dating for me was a step in the right direction toward self actualization.  It wasn't about being desperate, but more about learning what it is I want in a relationship, when and if the time comes.

I don't really know how it is for guys dating, but I'll tell you this.  There is a huge number of very average guys who confidently put it out there that they are looking for the perfect 10.  I couldn't believe it!  Most of them saying that looks are really important.  Most of these were guys I would consider less good looking than myself, and at times I was tempted to message them just to tell them they were class A jerks.  Now obviously I believe attraction is important, but when you won't even give someone a chance before getting to know them, it makes you a jerk.  I'm sorry.  Needless to say I passed these ones over quite easily.

Now, I did communicate with a few guys for awhile, most of it kind of tailing off after a couple weeks, but there was one guy I seemed to hit it off with.  So we decided to meet, and we hit it off when we did.  He was very nice, and we ended up going out for about a month and a half before I had to end things due to being overly smothered, among other things (like we weren't right for each other).  And I'm not going to go into that, but I know one thing I learned: I can't be someone's everything.  I need someone who loves me, but isn't obsessed with me.  Someone who I can do things with, have fun with, but we can still do our own thing.  And someone whose beliefs line up with mine, but we can still have disagreements and open debates.  Someone who challenges me intellectually.

I realized online dating was not the way that I was going to meet someone, at least not now.  So, I canceled my account, moved on, and although I still am hopeful for finding someone someday, I discovered how happy I am to be an independent, single, hard-working woman.  I don't understand people who seem to have no identity outside of their significant other.  And I suppose that people don't understand that I am happy the way I am.  Because I am.  I could sit here and defend that all day, but I don't really need to do that.  If I go the whole rest of my life and remain single, it's ok.  It won't be for lack of trying, but just that it wasn't meant to be.  And if I find the right man, I will be happy with that also... as long as it is right.

Being a Nurse

Work has been kicking my butt lately.  I've tried to refrain from talking about work in general when I'm not there because, well, it's just depressing.

However, I've noticed there is a large number of people who are interested in nursing.  From young girls (many of whom I honestly believe will pass out their first day on the floor) to adults going back as a second career. And though I encourage people to follow their dreams, I think that nursing is one dream that you should think very, very carefully about.  It isn't like those commercials you see for Keiser University telling you how wonderful working in healthcare is.  It definitely isn't like anything you see portrayed on television.

I've sat down and tried to do this many times- outline what a typical night at work is like for me.  That's really hard, because you simply never know what combination of patients you will get.

So I am going to tell you about a bad night I had once-- and nights like these are far more frequent than I wish they were.

I walked into work, ready for my assignment.  Four patients, open for an admission, and no tech to help me out.  Ok, I can do that, it is always a challenge but not impossible.  As I go through my reports to see what kind of patients I am getting, I'm told that another nurse has two patients she is giving blood to so I need to pick one of them up.  I basically give up one of my easiest patients to take this one, but still.  It could be worse.

As I'm getting report, my admission is up on the floor at 7:05.  Now normally, report takes until at least 7:15 if not later.  The ER tech bringing the patient up decides to be really impatient, hitting the staff assist button for help pulling the patient onto the bed.  So now the alarm is ringing through the entire floor (you don't use staff assists unless you're close to somewhat of an emergency or you need help RIGHT NOW or something bad could happen).  So I'm still not even finished with report, but my charge nurse is kind enough to go in there for me to help transfer the patient.

So, I finish report-- it's now 7:15 and I go into the room to seen a large elderly man in bed, looking like he's having a very difficult time breathing.  I'm told he's here for COPD, but he seems a lot sicker than just that.  First blood pressure reading I get is 70/46.  Shit.  There's nothing worse than ER sending you a patient that hasn't even been properly stabilized.  I take it again, and get 78/50.  Still bad, but at least I didn't hit the 60s systolic.  Patient is responsive, so I get him onto telemetry, listen to his lungs (which sound coarse, but not really wet).  I have to start seeing my other patients as well, but my priority is to get a call out to the admitting doctor for orders regarding the blood pressure.

I move on to begin assessing my other patients and checking their vital signs, letting my new patient and his wife know that I will be back in about 15 or 20 minutes to admit him, and that I am contacting the doctor.  The next patient I see has to get up to use the bathroom, so I help her up the the bedside commode.  So while she's on the commode I go into another room to assess that patient and take his vital signs.  He's pretty simple, just has a foot wound and is waiting to have surgery.  Thank goodness he'll be my easiest one that night.  Back into the other room to help my patient off the commode and back into bed, and I take her vitals and assess her.  I already can see she will be pretty needy as far as calling nonstop.

So will my patient who is also getting blood, because she can't get out of bed with all the IV tubing and pump and still walk without tripping.  The last one, a total care with a G-tube, wound vac, multiple ulcers, and bad diarrhea.  At least she's stable though, and I shouldn't have to change the wound vac tonight (talk about a long dressing change).

So the nurse practitioner calls me back at this point on my admission, and I let her know that the patient came up to the floor with low blood pressure.  Immediately she wants to know a lot about this patient, and I tell her I literally haven't even admitted him but that I just wanted to address the blood pressure with her before moving on.  I let her know that his lungs sound ok, so she orders a fluid bolus and then continuous IV fluids, telling me I need to notify her if he sounds like there's any fluid overload.  While the bolus is running I run through the admission interview with his wife.  Almost right after the bolus is finished, I notice his lungs do sound wet, and that I can't continue any more fluids.  And his blood pressure hasn't gone up any.

So I put another call out to the doctor, in the meantime beginning my medication pass.  It's about 8:30 at this point.  (FYI- med pass at nighttime is typically 9 o'clock, but you can give them a little early or a little late.  You have to start early in order to finish on time)  So after my first med pass, my patient getting blood calls to let me know her first unit is almost finished running.  So I stop it, check her vitals, and document.  She needs Lasix as well in between, so she doesn't get fluid overload since she has congestive heart failure.  I give her that as well as her other medications that are due.  But I don't have time at this point to get the next unit of blood going because my admission is still not doing very well and needs close monitoring.  He is on a 50% venti mask, and his oxygen levels don't seem to want to go above 91 or 92%.  Thankfully, though, his heart rate is fine.

The nurse practitioner calls me back at this point, ordering a dopamine drip to start on the patient.  She says that if we can't get his blood pressure to consistently stay over 95, he needs to be transferred to the unit.  Otherwise, we will give him Lasix to get some of that fluid off.  So I start the dopamine drip finally at 9:30.  I monitor his blood pressure, and it's not going up.  My other patient keeps calling me to get up to the commode, as well as my patient receiving blood who is just plain needy.  And there's no one to help, because everyone else is just as busy.  I am able to get my charge nurse to pass one of my patient's medications because I'm running out of time.

So I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and at this point I know I'm probably going to be transferring my new patient to critical care, but I need to see first how his blood pressure is doing. It's still low, but now his oxygen sats are as well and his heart rate is suddenly in the 120s.  This is probably about 10:40 that begins to happen.  I decide it's time to put a call out to the doctor.  I'm up at the desk and dialing the number, and I ask the unit secretary to please read off the exact blood pressure and heart rate on the monitor so I can write it down and tell the doctor on call.  She tells me, then as an afterthought goes, "Oh, and his sats are 68%."

Shit.  I slam the phone down, wondering why she's only just now telling me this and run to the room.  One look at the patient and it's time to call a support team (also known as rapid response in many hospitals- it's basically like when you call a code blue, only your patient is in distress, has had a sudden change in status, but you aren't to the point of having to resuscitate just yet. It's to prevent code blues from having to happen.)  So my charge nurse brings the crash cart in, respiratory is in the room switching him to a non-rebreather mask, and within five minutes the intensivist and critical care nurse is in the room.  After I give him report to let him know what is going on, he says "I can't even believe this patient is on the floor.  You should never have had to care for him here.  We're gonna send him to the unit right now and intubate him."  So, now it's time to take a trip to the unit, hand off report to the nurse taking him, and leave him in good hands.  This nurse has only one patient.  I have four more I need to get back to, and now I'm open for another admission.

Back to the floor, it's after 11 and I couldn't get my charge nurse to pass my last medication pass for me while I was transferring my patient, which is now two hours overdue.  And it's the longest one of them all, because it's through a G-tube and I have to crush them to give them.  I multitask and give all the meds due now, and check her 11:00 vitals.  And now I can see she's had more diarrhea, but I need to check on my other patients before I can even think about cleaning her up.

I hang my midnight antibiotics, check my other patient's vitals.  Now it's time to hang the second unit of blood for my patient, which I should have had started at least two hours ago but didn't have time for.  Thankfully her vitals are stable, so I go down to the blood bank to pick up the blood.  I have to stay in the room with her for the first fifteen minutes to make sure she doesn't have a transfusion reaction.  Then check vitals.  She's ok.  So now the blood will run, usually it takes 2-4 hours.

So, my patients are mostly settled now, and it's getting onto 1 am.  I need to clean up my incontinent patient.  I get someone to help me, and it takes at least 20 minutes.  Now that's done.  And now my second admission is being assigned, so it's time to get ready for that.  I set up the room.  I sit down at the desk to start charting, because I haven't charted one thing yet.  If it's not charted, it's was never done.  I get some charting done, then my admission arrives.

Thankfully it's a walkie-talkie (doesn't need any sort of assistance for anything regarding bathroom, feeding, walking, etc).  So now I have to start all over with the whole admission process, great!  This usually takes an hour total.  So I finish that up.  Now it's getting onto 3 am, and time to do my vitals again.  So I start working on that.  And the blood is finished down the hall, so I check post-transfusion vitals and record them.  I've still got to finish my charting, so I begin working on that.  Shift reports, too.  And I haven't had a break.  But I work on all of that, and surprisingly I get caught up.  Around 5 am it's time to start med pass for the morning.  I am working on that, and my co-worker has a lot of patients she needs help with, so I help her.

By 6:15, everything is pretty much caught up and finished.  Day shift soon arrives, and now it's time to pass off report.

I go home exhausted, knowing I have to come back tonight and do it all over again.

You see, nursing isn't just about helping people.  It isn't just compassion, sympathy, and caring.  This narrative doesn't even begin to scratch the surface on what nursing is, but it gives you an idea.  I would love it if I could take the time to talk with my patients, and listen to them.  To take my time when I am caring for them.  But I can't.  Nursing is the stress of someone dying on you, or being reamed by a doctor because he's pissed you're calling him, dealing with angry family, patients cussing you out, demanding pain medication for their own high, cleaning up vomit and poop and mucus and urine, all while management tells you that you need to manage your time better.  This is why I tell people that they should think very carefully about nursing. 

I don't hate it, though.  I went into nursing a timid, shy girl.  And nursing has made me a hard-ass who doesn't take crap from people.  It's made me grateful for my own health, and the health of my family.  It's made me realize that people are crazy.  And it's made me realize what a capable, hard-working person I am.

So if you want to be a nurse, be a nurse.  Just be prepared for what is in store, because it's certainly not going to be what you think it is.

Also, congratulations if you made it this far reading this post.

Welcome Aberforth!

So now that you know I'm a Feminist, we can move on with things.

Since I am wanting to blog about more than just my boring old life, I felt like that was something I needed to get out there.  I want to be honest about the issues that I care about.

Now back to my life, since I believe I do owe somewhat of an update since I've been gone for most of the new year thus far.

I have added a new addition to my family: a kitten named Aberforth!

I have had him now for two weeks.  Aberforth has been an awesome little brother for Albus.  At first it was difficult, and I honestly thought it might not work out for me to keep him.  They hissed and fought, and Aberforth would hide under my dresser and not let me come near him for the first couple of days.  Of all the cats I've had over the years, I've never had one that was afraid of me.  But finally, things settled down and they are best friends.  I am glad that Albus does not have to sit at my apartment all alone while I work.  He now has a buddy to play with when I'm not around.  Aberforth is a sweet kitty.

And yes, my cats are named Albus and Aberforth.  What of it?  I like Harry Potter and now my cats do too.

Go ahead and call me the crazy cat lady.  I don't care!

Why?

Because once when I was in high school, I stood in the parking lot of Starbucks with a few friends, and I expressed that I might want to be a doctor someday.  I will never forget my guy friend saying, "Well, I want my future wife to be a stay-at-home mom."  We weren't even dating, but he felt that I needed to know that, that my dream to do what I wanted wasn't worth anything.  My other friend went on to tell me how she had a female friend who became a doctor, and it ruined her marriage with her husband.

Because I watched in nursing schools as guys felt they had to justify why they were going into a traditionally compassionate, female-dominated profession.  Because people can't reconcile men being compassionate while still keeping their own masculinity intact.

Because I was well into my early twenties, thinking my highest calling was to be a wife and mother, and then and only then would I be truly fulfilled.  I had trained for it, after all, through working the children's ministry, church nursery, and babysitting all through high school and college.  Because the day I realized that I'm not even 100% sure that I want kids, I felt like a huge part of my identity had been taken from me.

Because I spent years thinking I would never be happy until I found a husband.  That having a career was just something to do until that time came for me.  So that when the day came that I accepted being a single woman, and that I would be happy if the day ever came to meet the right man, but either way I am a happy and fulfilled person--people immediately assumed I was throwing in the towel, a lost cause, giving up on life.

Because I grew up somehow believing that women were inferior to men.  That I would never be as intelligent as a man, or as funny as a man, or successful as a man.  And that I didn't need to be, because I'm a woman and I would let a man provide for me someday anyway.

Because I realized that Christian and Feminist are not mutually exclusive terms, though I had gone my whole life believing that they were.  That I had been one all along, though I didn't know it.

That's why I'm a Feminist.

Happy Valentines!

For this day, I have selected a lovely performance by my favorite, Michael Buble.  He ends all of his concerts with this song, singing for his fans.  Listen and enjoy, and Happy Valentines Day!

Coming Soon...

I have been mostly MIA from this blog since Christmas, because my computer died. I've also been thinking about why I blog. I don't have a lot of followers, and I'm ok with that. My blog does get a surprising amount of hits (I love comments even if I don't know you!) but there's little interaction from this blog with the rest of the world.

I mostly blog for myself. I keep a diary of my own, where I record my private thoughts, so I don't necessarily need this blog. Though I've maybe said some things I shouldn't have on this blog, I do have a filter and I do hold back a lot because I still want people to like me at the end of the day. I like the idea that, even if very few people read this, I am somehow still making some sort of impact through this blog.

Sure, I'm still going to be very honest here. But I am planning a blog re-launch. If you read this blog, I would love any insight on what you think are my strengths and weaknesses in writing, as far as content. Don't be cruel, because I know I'm not a *good* writer and make no pretenses about that. However, I enjoy writing here and I want people to enjoy reading it.

So, I may or may not be back soon, depending on my decisions in how I change this blog. I have enlisted the help of a friend for an honest evaluation, and will be working on it.