Online Dating

So, confession time.

I tried online dating.  Actually, I've tried it twice.  But I considered this most recent attempt to be my most serious.  It was something I did quietly.  Didn't really make a big deal out of it, in fact didn't even really share it with my family that I was going to do it.  It was just something that I wanted to try.

Through my research, I found the idea of online dating is that you communicate with as many people as possible and meet as many people on dates as possible so that you can find the right one.

This was probably what should have been the first red flag for me, as I am easily overwhelmed when it comes to meeting people I don't know.  When I first started, I mostly browsed through profiles.  I might send a "smile" here and there, try to open communication, but mostly I was too scared to even do that.  Simply being on the website itself was a huge step for me.

I know what you're probably thinking.  I'm 25, so why was I already resorting to something like this?  And if you are, well, then you probably aren't aware how many young people there are on dating websites.  You probably know more of them than you think.  Online dating for me was a step in the right direction toward self actualization.  It wasn't about being desperate, but more about learning what it is I want in a relationship, when and if the time comes.

I don't really know how it is for guys dating, but I'll tell you this.  There is a huge number of very average guys who confidently put it out there that they are looking for the perfect 10.  I couldn't believe it!  Most of them saying that looks are really important.  Most of these were guys I would consider less good looking than myself, and at times I was tempted to message them just to tell them they were class A jerks.  Now obviously I believe attraction is important, but when you won't even give someone a chance before getting to know them, it makes you a jerk.  I'm sorry.  Needless to say I passed these ones over quite easily.

Now, I did communicate with a few guys for awhile, most of it kind of tailing off after a couple weeks, but there was one guy I seemed to hit it off with.  So we decided to meet, and we hit it off when we did.  He was very nice, and we ended up going out for about a month and a half before I had to end things due to being overly smothered, among other things (like we weren't right for each other).  And I'm not going to go into that, but I know one thing I learned: I can't be someone's everything.  I need someone who loves me, but isn't obsessed with me.  Someone who I can do things with, have fun with, but we can still do our own thing.  And someone whose beliefs line up with mine, but we can still have disagreements and open debates.  Someone who challenges me intellectually.

I realized online dating was not the way that I was going to meet someone, at least not now.  So, I canceled my account, moved on, and although I still am hopeful for finding someone someday, I discovered how happy I am to be an independent, single, hard-working woman.  I don't understand people who seem to have no identity outside of their significant other.  And I suppose that people don't understand that I am happy the way I am.  Because I am.  I could sit here and defend that all day, but I don't really need to do that.  If I go the whole rest of my life and remain single, it's ok.  It won't be for lack of trying, but just that it wasn't meant to be.  And if I find the right man, I will be happy with that also... as long as it is right.