Merida: Brave

There has recently been a lot of controversy surrounding Disney's makeover of Merida for her coronation as the 11th Disney princess.  As you can see above, she has been re-designed to fit Disney's cookie-cutter princesses.  Now, as a lover of Disney I have never had problems with their promotion of princesses.  Despite many of my more progressive feminist ideals, this is one I've not let go of because of the nostalgia surrounding it and the love for Disney that I have.  However, Merida was the first kick-ass princess to be created by Disney.  One who could be a real role model for strong girls.  One who looked normal, who actually looked like... well, a girl.

And, my favorite thing about Merida, of course, is her curly hair.  It took several years for animators to be able to create her hair.  And they were spot on with their portrayal of curls- never perfect, always a little frizzy, hard to contain.  This new version has glossy, wavy curls as opposed to Merida's 3D wild mane from the movie.

It sounds like Disney has backed down from this new design of Merida, going back to the original.  And honestly, I would have no problem with them animating her in a cartoon form for the purpose of coronation, if they hadn't taken that and sexed her up so much, made her look so drastically different (and quite a bit older) than the Merida from Brave.  She was just fine the way she was!

Purity Shaming

2003 : 2013

Recently I have been doing a lot of reading/thinking about the whole idea of shame-based purity within the church.  Elizabeth Smart recently referenced this shame-based purity, that this was a part of the reason that she didn't run from her captors.  Now, I think I have to make the disclaimer that in no way do I believe anyone but the perpetrators are responsible in these horrible crimes.

So, what exactly is shame-based purity?  It is a movement within the church that teaches young people, mainly girls, that their worth as a human being rests upon their virginity until marriage.  It teaches girls that if you are not a virgin, you are the equivalent of a chewed-up piece of gum, a broken and wilted rose that nobody wants, the present that was opened prematurely and is now ruined.  It tells girls that they only deserve respect when they are dressed "modestly."  That they will lead their "brothers" astray by dressing provocatively.  I like to call it "purity policing."  Policing because I was told on multiple occasions (as a 13-17 year old girl) by grown men (that weren't my father or my brother), that my shorts were too short, or my shirt too tight, etc, etc.  I was threatened with the prospect of being sent home from church, or VBS, or camp, if I didn't comply with the rules of dress.  The purity of the minds of my brothers in Christ was placed upon my shoulders from the time I was a young girl.

And this is just my experience with the shame-based purity teachings of the church.  I never was forced to get a purity ring or make a vow, or had to go to a purity ball.  There are women who experienced a much worse form of this than I did.  But I'm here to tell my story, and share my thoughts on the subject.

Here's the mentality I grew up with as a teenager:  If you're a virgin, you're better than the other girls who aren't virgins.  If you dress modestly, you have more self respect (and therefore deserve more respect) than the girls who dress provocatively.  If they were mistreated by guys, it's because they were basically asking for it.

I could go on and on until I make you hate 16-year-old Natalie.  I kind of hate her too.  But I also realize how I was kind of brainwashed into this thinking, and it gives me a little more compassion for myself in those days.  But the fact that I was brought up to be void of compassion for so many other people saddens me.  What I thought was compassion (i.e. "I feel so sorry for girls who don't respect themselves enough to wait for marriage, or to dress modestly") was really just pride and arrogance for how good I thought was.

I do think there is danger in this purity-shaming that is so prevalent in church.  It plays into rape culture, that men are animals who can't control themselves unless women cover up and act differently (resulting in the victim-blaming that so many in America are doing).  It teaches women that they don't have ownership of their bodies.  And it disempowers women.  This is a dangerous mentality to have.  Believe me, I have had so many conversations and read so much about this subject that it scares me for the young girls who are still taught this way of thinking.

I'm not playing the victim here, nor am I trying to blame anyone.  I am pointing out the flaws I see, and their resulting effects.  I'd love to hear any thoughts people have on this.  And if you're a guy, did you ever experience any level of shame-based purity teachings?

"You will always have value and nothing can change that." -Elizabeth Smart

Amen, sister.

Well, an all-too-expected MTO from work (our census has been low for a couple weeks) and a torrential downpour (that has yet to let up for two days), and I now have a nice quiet evening to myself.  Jacob, a friend of mine, suggested the book The Woman in White a few weeks ago and I have yet to pick it up.  Seems like the perfect time to do so (along with a glass or two of wine)-- I'll just make sure to leave the weather channel on in the background so I know if any tornadoes are headed my way.  Actually, it's the floods I'm more worried about at the moment.

I haven't had a whole lot to say lately on here.  Well, lately as in the past week and a half.  But I really wanted to try to be better about blogging more often, with more than just boring updates on my life.  I have had a lot about women's issues bouncing around my head for awhile now that I can't seem to articulate into words very well, which has kind of given me writer's block in that particular subject.  I'm still trying to get over caring about what people think about me and truly writing my thoughts on the matter... so give me some time.

I have a trip planned in a few weeks to visit family up north and go to a friend's wedding.  Looking forward to that.  It's come a lot faster than I was ready for-- it feels like I just bought my plane ticket and now here it is just around the corner.  I'm hoping that work doesn't feel the need to cancel me multiple times between now and then.  Although I can't complain about a little more time to myself, I still like to get paid, y'know?

My little sister Hannah also graduated college last week.  Now me and all three of my sisters all have college degrees-- something to be pretty proud of!  Hannah plans on going to grad school, which does inspire me to possibly think of doing that for myself.  But it will be a few years before that is even possible.  I am beginning to think I might actually be able to do the nurse practitioner bit.  We'll see.  It's a lot of work and a lot of school, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that.  But at times I do find myself looking over what I've accomplished so far, and wondering-- what's next?

To smile or not

I read something interesting on Pinterest recently, a quote by Kristen Stewart regarding the fact that she rarely smiles:

"People say that I'm miserable all the time.  It's not that I'm miserable, it's just that somebody's yelling at me... I literally, sometimes, have to keep myself from crying... It's a physical reaction to the energy that's thrown at you"

I used to think the same thing about her-- that is, why doesn't she smile more?

But I realized, people think the same thing about me.  And I've always hated it and been hurt by it.

Strange men in passing tell me to smile.  I've been told I'd be pretty if I just smiled.  I'm asked by random strangers "Is it really all that bad?"  Even men I know have commented on it-- at times inappropriately.  When women notice it, usually they simply ask me if I'm ok.  But men, it's like they think they deserve a smile from me or something and if I'm not then they have the right to tell me I should.  I remember growing up, my sisters telling me that their friends thought I always looked mad.  This was before I was even 12 years old, so I knew pretty early on that I couldn't simply just be me... but I had to try to look a certain way for others to be happy with me.

And last week, I floated to another unit.  The charge nurse and unit secretary were joking, and it just wasn't funny.  It wasn't, and I didn't feel obligated to laugh for either one of them.  They looked at me and said, "You're really tired, aren't you?"  Nope.  It wasn't funny.  And I am someone who laughs pretty easily.  I'm not particularly funny, but sometimes I laugh so much at things it's kind of embarrassing.  So it isn't that I don't have a sense of humor, though I think people, especially men, want to fancy themselves so funny that I must be sense-of-humor-less if I don't force a laugh for them.

It has dawned on me that in our society, women are expected to smile.  Is smiling an obligation, professionally or socially?  People are uncomfortable when you're not smiling.  In my job, they tell us that we should always smile at every person we walk by at all times.  Do we even realize how strange that is?  For everyone to do that, all the time?  For some people it comes naturally, but for others, it doesn't.  I'm one of them.  It would be weird for me to try to plaster a smile on my face all the time, because my mouth naturally curves more downward.  Not to mention I was born with hooded eyes, and therefore, strike 2: I even more easily look mad or sad.

So, to clear the air: I am not, in fact, angry, sad, or depressed at all times, and I don't have a bubbly disposition... so men (and women, too) of the world, you don't need to comment on it. It's just a naturally serious face I have, coupled with the fact that I am an introvert (another awful trait for a woman to have- but that's another subject for another time) and so I probably won't force a smile and conversation with every stranger I see.  Sorry.

Why?

Because once when I was in high school, I stood in the parking lot of Starbucks with a few friends, and I expressed that I might want to be a doctor someday.  I will never forget my guy friend saying, "Well, I want my future wife to be a stay-at-home mom."  We weren't even dating, but he felt that I needed to know that, that my dream to do what I wanted wasn't worth anything.  My other friend went on to tell me how she had a female friend who became a doctor, and it ruined her marriage with her husband.

Because I watched in nursing schools as guys felt they had to justify why they were going into a traditionally compassionate, female-dominated profession.  Because people can't reconcile men being compassionate while still keeping their own masculinity intact.

Because I was well into my early twenties, thinking my highest calling was to be a wife and mother, and then and only then would I be truly fulfilled.  I had trained for it, after all, through working the children's ministry, church nursery, and babysitting all through high school and college.  Because the day I realized that I'm not even 100% sure that I want kids, I felt like a huge part of my identity had been taken from me.

Because I spent years thinking I would never be happy until I found a husband.  That having a career was just something to do until that time came for me.  So that when the day came that I accepted being a single woman, and that I would be happy if the day ever came to meet the right man, but either way I am a happy and fulfilled person--people immediately assumed I was throwing in the towel, a lost cause, giving up on life.

Because I grew up somehow believing that women were inferior to men.  That I would never be as intelligent as a man, or as funny as a man, or successful as a man.  And that I didn't need to be, because I'm a woman and I would let a man provide for me someday anyway.

Because I realized that Christian and Feminist are not mutually exclusive terms, though I had gone my whole life believing that they were.  That I had been one all along, though I didn't know it.

That's why I'm a Feminist.