Summer Seaquest VBS week was a success, and so much fun! What a way to spend my days off! As usual, it brought back so many wonderful memories of my own childhood experiences in the same VBS. A mural painted 16 years ago by my sisters and me hung in the hallway where everyone passes. A different time and era, because no one really paints those murals anymore. I can remember spending hours each day the week before VBS painting murals, decorating rooms, getting things ready for 200+ kids to come and have a blast.

That week before VBS was just as much fun as the real thing itself. There were always friends to play with, teachers to help, and it meant a trip or two to McDonald's. Nothing but wonderful memories can be associated with VBS for me. Our church has done it very much the same in the past 20 years with the exception of a few, and after this year there will be a lot of changes. Change- my favorite word! (Why change something that's working great?) But I'm glad that I have the memories that I do.

I still have a few more days off before going back to work, which I'm so thankful for. It really has been a great staycation. I've been at my parents' most of the week in order to be closer to the church. I've napped nearly every day, rubber banded hundreds of shirts, tie-dyed dozens (with the stained hands and arms to prove it), laughed at the funny skits, participated in the silly hand motions for songs, and just had an overall great week. Due to the exhaustion I'm glad it's over, but do wish there could be more carefree days like that.

On the agenda for the next few weeks: July 18 I will be going to Camp Kulaqua with my sister as the camp nurse. This is the camp I went to for seven years in jr. high and high school. This summer is definitely one full of nostalgia, and I'm ok with that!

Staycation

Twelve days. I'm off work for TWELVE days! I'm ecstatic. I have no definitive plans other than helping in my church's VBS this week. I've never had a true staycation, at least not one this long, and I'm just so excited to relax and not think about work or stress. I'm going to enjoy it.

This week, I bought my first car. I'm so excited. I love it. I've been driving my parents' car for awhile, and decided it was time to get my own. Since one of my parents' cars broke down recently, I felt so badly that I was causing them to have more issues with juggling all the cars. And fell in love with this one.

I think his name is Ron. I have not settled on it, but it seems right.

I've spent the last few days at my parents' while my sisters were in town. It's been a fun time, just being together. From the time I was nine years old, I have kept diaries. I found some of my old ones and got them out, reading some of it aloud to my family. It generated a lot of laughs, until one of my sisters chided my seventeen-year-old self for some of the things I wrote. They weren't things about others (though I did have my fair share of gossip and criticism interspersed) but the things I wrote about myself.

I wrote out the many lies I believed about myself throughout my diaries in high school: I am ugly. I will never be worth anyone's time. I am stupid. I am fat. I need to eat less. I need to exercise more. I have no friends. I am boring, and not worth knowing. Essentially, everything I said about myself was that I'm not enough, and I'm worth nothing. I remember believing those things about myself, but I don't remember them prevailing through so many of my thoughts and actions. It makes me sad to look back on the way I viewed myself in such a terrible way.

I don't know why I thought those things. I believed the lies of Satan and the world, telling me that I wasn't good enough. I was so sure that the minute I believed that I might be beautiful, or that who I am was enough, along would come someone shooting me down, rejecting me. What a fool I would be to think highly of myself in any way, and so I continued on in my self-centered thinking that I was worthless. It isn't as if I had parents who didn't love me, or tear me down, I was well loved throughout my life. Yet somehow I allowed these thoughts to creep in, to take over, to control me. I thought it was ok, even right, to tear myself down.

I hope I can say that I have come a long way. I think I have in learning to see myself as beautiful. It feels wrong to say that, conceited. I don't have false vanity in believing I am beautiful in the world's definition of the word, but in owning my own beauty (because, let's be honest, nobody looks like me-- and nobody looks like you either!). Letting my stubbornly curly hair do its thing, wearing my 4-inch heels even if I am 6 feet tall, and simply not worrying so much because I am not a size 4.

I wish I could say I had a spirit that was beautiful, but I'm afraid that is a long work in progress. I'm more ashamed to speak of where I am as a person, as a Christian, than to talk about my looks. I do hope that one day, people will be able to look back on my life as that of a beautiful woman in every sense of the word.

Happy Memorial Day! Today I think of our military, past and present, protecting our freedoms. I also think of my Grandpa, who once spent four years of his life serving in the US Army during WWII. It seems like this past week has brought a lot of memories of both of my grandparents, from my grandma's birthday to Memorial Day, and many moments in between. I like being able to remember, and not always feeling so sad when remembering them.

It was a good, relaxing weekend. Saturday I went with my family to our church's picnic on the lake. There really isn't anything more relaxing than a day on the lake. I can appreciate it especially when I'm more used to the crowded, sunny, sandy beach. There is something really relaxing about a serene, shady lake. Yesterday after church, the Warrens invited us over for lunch. It really was a fun and relaxing time. They, as well as the Kerchers, are the closest thing we have to family down here.

My sister is visiting this week from St. Louis, which I'm really excited about. I have to work some while she is here, but I'm just going to enjoy the time that I have with her. I hope that all of us can be together at the same time, which never happens anymore. Even this week at the lake, with just the five of us, I realized that is normal for our family now- just five. I miss when it was seven of us. I don't know how people with small families can deal when just one person moves away and they are down to just a few.

So now I'm just relaxing for the day with a movie, and will probably clean some later. My landlord is coming by this week to check out a leaky sink, and I don't want him thinking we've trashed the place! Not that it should matter to him that there is clutter, but still.

Life has found a new rhythm for the summer, and it is a relaxing one. I hope it stays this way for awhile.

Josh Turner

Last night, my sister Hannah and I journeyed up to the great city of Valdosta, GA, at Wild Adventures. We got there about noon after a 2-hour drive and me not having slept after work. We got into the park, not expecting Disney World, but still thinking it would be fun. All I can say is, while it's a great park, I don't think I will ever go back again. We ended up going to the car from about 1:00-4:00 and taking a nap.

We were worried all day that it wouldn't be worth it, but let me tell you that when Josh Turner ran out on stage singing Firecracker, we both turned to each other and were like, "Worth it!" It was a great concert. You know how there are those singers where once you hear them live, you realize they really aren't very talented? Well he is definitely not one of those. The guy's voice is like butter. And he has a testimony for Christ, which is awesome.

It was just a fun concert, a great way to just forget about life for a little bit and let loose and sing. Hannah and I have finally gone to our country concert! After having slept 2 hours in a 32-hour period, I came home and slept until about 20 minutes ago. And I needed it, and could probably still sleep another few hours if I don't make myself stay awake. Thanks, night shift.

I had my dermatologist appointment yesterday, and had to have a recurrent dysplasia removed. Four stitches later and more pain than I anticipated, I'm once again going to be careful about the sun. I wasn't very good about it last summer. It's easy to get complacent about skin care, but considering I had melanoma at 18 I'm way more susceptible to skin cancer than the average population.

I'm tired of advertising that tells people tan is more beautiful. Even if it is tan in a bottle, why do we even care so much? Fact is, I'm not going to be tan. Ever. I also figure in 10 years when you compare me to the bleach blonde tan girls, who's going to look better? I recently saw a girl out shopping, who was clearly my age or maybe a few years older, but her face was already wrinkling and she had sun spots on her face. She just didn't look very pretty, but she was tan so I guess she had that going for her. I know girls like that now who seem to have no clue what is obviously happening to their skin. They just keep on frequenting the beach and tanning beds.

I've had my share of skin issues. I've been going to a dermatologist almost ten years for various issues. My sister always tells me I'm so lucky I've never had to deal with acne, and I haven't, but I tell her at least she hasn't had to deal with the skin issues I have. My advice to young girls is just take care of your skin.

I just came off a surprisingly good three days of work!! I mean, all three nights my teams were relatively good. I got into work last night and was floated to our department of corrections floor. I was so mad when I found out, because it's my third time over there (most nurses have never been floated there in years of working here, yet I've managed to be floated there three times in just a few months). Every other time there has been awful. Last night was great. I was so bored almost the entire night, which never happens.

I have to say, though I respect people who work on that floor every day, I'm glad I'm not one of them. I think nursing hardens a person in general, but there is a whole other element in correctional nursing. These nurses are different than your average nurse. Not to mention the officers that work there. I heard more language and vulgarity last night from nurses and officers than an R-rated movie would allow-- I think I walked away from several conversations out of sheer embarrassment. Needless to say, I'm glad I don't work on that floor because as hard as it can sometimes be to live out my faith on my floor, it could be near impossible on DOC.

I'm off the next 4 nights, thank goodness. I'm sure that with a week this good, a bad one is definitely coming up!! I kept saying, "You can't have 3 good days in a row!! Not possible!" Hopefully, though, this will be a good week, both at work and at home.

My most recent obsession (and when I say obsession, I don't really mean obsession) is Josh Turner. I have listened to him before, but have become more of a fan of his music in the last several months. The guy sings bass, and I'm convinced there is nothing sexier. And the fact that he's a good southern boy, well it just doesn't get better (did I mention I'm moving to Nashville to find one like him?)! Like I said, I've become more and more a fan of country recently (enough of these indie/emo/hipster/metrosexual singers that are popular these days).


And, I think I am back in the world of photographing life. I used to be notorious in my family for taking pictures of every event. My camera has sat untouched on my floor since February of this year. I didn't take it with me to St. Louis in March or April. But I'm realizing how much I miss taking pictures.

While I'm on the subject. When did owning a super-expensive camera make someone a professional photographer? I'm convinced that photography must be the easiest gig to get right now. I guess all it takes any more is being really good at photo shop.

Ok, got that off my chest. Now! That picture up there is from yesterday with the Kerchers. We all were at my parents' house to watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. It featured Carrie Prewitt, a member of our community who coached two of my sisters in volleyball. She was very deserving of what she got, and it was a very good episode. Anyway, we love to pose and take stupid pictures for no good reason (inspiration: Awkward Family Photos). Last night was a good old time with friends. Catherine is home for the summer, and it is great to have her back for a few months!

One of the things I love about iPhones is that they save voice mail right to your phone. It used to be that you could only keep certain voice mails for a certain amount of time. Then after 30 days, it would be deleted. I'm glad that doesn't happen, because in March I discovered something. I have a voice mail from December 7, 2010. It's from my grandma. She was calling to tell me she was so excited I could make it for my grandpa's service. She talked about how she was at the store, and still had several more errands to run.

December 7 was the day she fell and broke her femur, the day that it all started. But the voice mail was made just a few hours before that. I love it, although it makes me sad as well because it reminds me of how much was changed that day. Here she was, shopping, getting ready to get back to a somewhat normal life as she had spent the vast majority of the past year within the walls of her house caring for my grandpa.

Although I miss her, there are times I'm glad she didn't have to live long without my grandpa. They didn't want to live one without the other, and even in the beginning of March when I was visiting, my grandma would make comments about how things had turned out exactly as she had planned. Sometimes I wonder if even then she knew she wasn't going to live long. She was ok with it. She had told her daughters-in-law just a few weeks before that she had accomplished everything in her life that she had ever wanted to.

I think today I want to get a back massage. I've never had one before, but it seems like a good time because for some reason my back is killing me after work this week. When I woke up today, my whole body was just aching and it was so hard to force myself to get out of bed to even make my coffee. I wonder if regular jobs take such a toll on your body. I know my job is physically demanding, but sometimes it is the mental stress as well that takes that kind of toll.

Do most women wake up in their early 20s and realize they've aged, or am I just aging prematurely? I have recently been looking at pictures of myself from early college, and while I thought I hadn't really changed much, I have. I look a lot older. You know, those stupid little crows feet around the eyes, bags under the eyes, etc. I guess it's pretty normal. If I look this bad in my 20s, I'd better get married soon or it'll never happen. Kidding... well, a little.

No Orlando trip today. Oh, well. I was really hoping that with six days off I could at least make them a little more fun than my normal days off. Looks like I'll be hanging around the ol' town house. Which is ok.

I just think this is the neatest picture ever. I have to say, kudos to President Obama. I am so sick of the crap that a lot of conservatives are saying about him right now regarding this, just because they don't agree with the guy. Why can't we all, for once, stand behind our President??? On one thing? It feels good to stand behind him, to be proud of him.

I just got off work, and am now off for six nights. Six nights! What to do? On the agenda, I want to sleep first off. I just took a shower and already washed my hair, so hopefully I will be able to get some shopping done tonight. I was hoping to go to Orlando and go to Universal or Disney, but am having a hard time getting my mom and sister both on board. Hm... we'll see. Either way, I'm just glad to have several more days off.

I was so glad to drive home today, and see how cloudy it is. I hope there is rain in the forecast, because that makes for perfect sleeping weather.

Speaking of which... I'm slipping fast. Good "night."

I apparently went to bed way too early last night. Before I drifted off into lala-land, I did hear that the President was going to be speaking. I was just too tired though...

Anyway, good news to wake up to. I had gotten a text from my sister Hannah last night at 11:30, but I rolled over and ignored it. I'm glad I did, because I'm sure I would have woken right up and watched the news for too long. When I checked my facebook this morning, I couldn't believe the amount of victory statuses on there. I realize this is a huge thing, but people need to remember this guy wasn't the only thing we have to worry about. There's still more like him out there.

Did I sleep last night! Honestly one of the best nights of sleep I've had in awhile, even if I did wake up a couple different times (maybe subconsciously, I felt safer with Bin Laden dead?). A full night of uninterrupted sleep is hard to come by for me, but I have to say last night was one of the best I've had in awhile. And I also have to say, there is nothing better than hearing thunder rumbling in the distance while I write this. Just no tornadoes, please.

I can't believe all the tornadoes that have been occurring this spring. Please keep these people in your prayers. One of my patients was just telling me yesterday about someone they knew who was killed in one. So many are affected by this.

I have recently found out that I like country music. I actually always have, but never really listened to it. My sister Hannah has always been a fan, and I used to laugh at her for it, but now we love listening to it together. Ok, I'll never be a die-hard fan, but who doesn't love a little wholesome music about God, their country, and family?

I go back to work tomorrow night, but after a three in a row I'm off for six! Since Hannah is off school, we are trying to make plans to have fun. And can I say, it is awesome how we have become much better friends in the last few months? It's amazing what a few years can do for a friendship with a sister.