My heart has an aching today for things that once were.

Being six years old, standing only as high as my grandma's waist, helping her bake in the kitchen.

Just nine years old, taking walks with Grandma and Grandpa up and down the street, talking, laughing, just being. Being so oblivious to the pains and heartaches of life.

Eleven years old, eating fresh, sweet peaches in Grandma's kitchen. Grandma peeled the entire peach for me because I couldn't stand the fuzzy peach peels.

Fifteen, being embarrassed because my grandparents wanted me to play the piano in front of our entire extended family. But I knew they were so proud of me.

Seventeen, Grandma and Grandpa here for my graduation. The last time they visited us in Florida. You know, the 1000 miles never seemed to bother them when it came to seeing us.

Twenty, listening to how proud my grandparents were when I got into nursing school.

Twenty-one, talking on the phone with my grandma and hearing her voice break as she talks to me about her dying sister, my dear Aunt Georgia. I still remember her telling me, "We just want to sit and cry over these things, but we just can't spend all our time crying!" I will tell you one thing, that advice has come in handy in recent months.

Twenty-three: I told Grandma I couldn't accept that Grandpa was dying, and she told me we had to, and that life couldn't go on forever. That is advice I still can't handle.

I feel like part of my little girl heart is dying, or at least transforming. So much of me has remained a naive child even into my adult life, for I have never had to experience any heartaches or real sorrows or loss in my life. I can't accept these changes, inevitable though they may be, that have come and are yet to come. My heart yearns for the past that is no more.

I have always struggled with accepting change in life. Lately even the little things have gotten to me- my home church changing the sign out front last month, this month the format of the bulletins. No, no I want the sign in front of the church to be the old brick on I used to climb on when I was little. The flashy new sign just won't cut it. You have taken away another useless constant in my life.

"He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" -Revelation 21:5
This is the truth. He IS making everything new, and right now it just feels like a painful process. I once heard someone say that with each person you love who goes to heaven, your heart begins to slowly but surely part with the world. It is painful. This world is not all that there is. This pain will one day be a memory, or maybe we won't even remember it. These tears will one day be wiped away by the hands of my Savior.