About a year ago, this is where I found myself. In a lot of ways, I feel like I have made zero progress-- if not gone backwards. I still find myself feeling like I'm swinging on the end of a pendulum, waiting for life to happen, feeling as though it is happening all around me and I'm not really taking any part of it. There is so much I could be doing with my life, and I sit on my hands and do nothing. I could be helping others, but I live internally, pleasing only myself. I could be serving, but instead I am only self-serving. I could be loving, yet instead I am living in a state of self-love.

My life-- no matter where I am-- should be to serve God. I have justified my state of selfishness for a long time. I'm young, I don't have a family of my own to worry about, I have to look out for me right now, etc...

I'm on a quest to get out of this terrible mind-set I am living in. I don't really know where to go, other than to ask God what He wants for me to do. I'm afraid to do that, of course, because I'm afraid He will ask of me what I don't want to give up.

I am looking for direction, but I'm afraid of what that direction is.