Another long day of classes. Tomorrow is the last prolonged day of it, and after that we mainly have our clinical and then just one leadership class per week to go to. I will look forward to being able to sleep in more mornings- however I will really need to manage my time well. Already I have done poorly at that. I have barely studied since the semester began.
Had a conversation with a few friends over lunch at Chick Fil A today. I feel discouraged. Have you ever sat with a group of people and felt spiritually inferior... even spiritually drained? We jump right into a conversation about prayer, leading Bible studies, Christianity, and various spiritual issues, and never once do we think to ask each other how we are doing in our own walk with Christ. We discuss leading a study together, yet we don't stop to evaluate how we are doing in our walk. I feel like I'm wading through the crap of my own insecurities and sinfulness, while everyone else has somehow mastered their flesh and come out victorious. I know that they are likely feeling the same way as me- but what happened to being real with one another? I had a conversation with a friend the other day about the pretenses that exist in of so much of the church today. Do we really wonder why so many fall away? I get sick of pretending like my life is perfect, but I feel like that's what I need to do when I go to church.
Melissa has been home this week, and it's been fun. She leaves on Saturday, and I feel like I haven't seen her much due to classes. I'm hoping she'll be around tonight.
Did you watch the inauguration this week? I didn't. I know I would have had I been home, so I was actually glad I had a reason that I couldn't watch it. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have stomached it- and I'm sorry if you disagree with me but it literally makes me sick to think of what the next four years will be like. But what makes me sicker, and probably always will be so, is the masses of people following after one man- a man!! And maybe it won't be that way after reality sets in for many, but right now it just sickens me. We're heading down the path of socialism, and while we may not make it there in the next 4 years, it will happen.
There ya have it.
2 comments:
I liked (well, perhaps that's not quite the word, but you know what I mean) what you have to say about being truly honest about our spiritual lives. I think that so often we feel inferior because people rarely admit they're struggling because we are 'socialized', if you will, (particularly those of us raised in the church), to believe that we have all the answers. So, if we have all the answers, we should be right where we need to be, right? Hm. That was a slightly confusing way to word that, but I'm going to trust your greater mental abilities and go with it.
Anyway, I appreciate your being honest. I often feel -particularly in recent years- that I am alone in my struggles, inferiority, etc. I can only imagine how much greater our support system (and our testimony?) would be if we were truly honest with ourselves and others.
I think the lack of authenticity is the main reason I found myself so often disenfranchised with the church. For some reason we all feel obligated to put on our happy faces on and 'grin-and-bear-it' alone when we are supposed to be this incredible fellowship?
Wow. What a mouthful.
Thanks Lindsey! I get what you're saying- we're the "covenant children," (that's what they call children of Christian parents at our church) after all, expected to naturally have it all together. And I like what you said- we are expected to have all the answers because we've known this our entire lives. Hm. Don't I wish. Sometimes I think that it's hard for the kids who have been raised in Christianity our entire lives, because we are expected to never "mess up." I had one of our pastors recently come up to me and tell me he wished we had a church full of young people like me- I kind of wanted to laugh in his face.
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