I'm sad today. Been really nostalgic, and realized today that a year ago I was in Illinois, moving furniture into the assisted living facility where we anticipated my grandma would live. I have such mixed emotions about those days alternating between sweet and bitter. Those days were some of the most special ones I can remember.

I remember that day being incredibly rainy and overcast, but how excited all of us were for this final chapter of Grandma's life. We knew she didn't have many years left to live, but we knew that this was right for her. She would still have family nearby and perhaps make new friends and hobbies. When we realized her health was failing for good, we came together. It was almost like the family gatherings of the past, only it was sad.

No matter how old or young a person is, loss is loss. When two people have been such an important part of your life for so long are gone, there is such an emptiness without them. I experienced a lot of loneliness, because so few could understand the depth of grief around the death of grandparents. One thing I will never, ever do is downplay another's loss. Someone could be 105 and their death is a loss to someone.

This week I want to remember my grandparents in their healthier days. Once my grandpa wrote me an e-mail when I had expressed to him how much I missed them after coming home from Christmas. "I want you to have a good day. I know you miss us and we miss you, but we have to take life as it comes to us and enjoy it. You do have a good life in Florida. Say hello to everyone for me. Keep writing. Keep your letters coming. Keep the faith." Another time, when he wrote, "Goodbye for awhile. Don't take any wooden nickels. You are my sweetie from Tahiti, tweety tweety. Love, Paw Paw."

I don't want to focus on their loss, but on all I have gained from them through the years. I am so grateful to have had two such wonderful people to call my grandparents for 23 and 1/2 years. I want to remember the long walks in the evening, baking cookies with Grandma, listening to stories about the depression and the war from Grandpa. I wish they were still here, more than anything, but there's nothing that can change, because it is what it is. Can't wait to see them again someday.