Another Day

I definitely have had a most encouraging day today... something I definitely needed.  I'm still sad, of course, and still very emotionally drained.

I forgot to post about my latest results with the gym!  I weighed in last week and as I suspected, I actually put on some weight.  But my body fat percentage has dropped over two points (which would explain my cycle being off) and I've put on six pounds of muscle while losing two pounds of fat.  I could hardly believe that.  At this point, I'm thinking-- screw skinny!  I want to be stronger!

Now I'm taking it all with a grain of salt, because not every month will look like that.  I already feel the numbers game creeping up on me, but the numbers on the scale no longer mean nearly as much to me and that in and of itself is a huge freedom.  I've discovered that even if I perhaps "slip up" and am not as healthy in my eating habits, that I don't beat myself up about it.  In a lot of my research, eating a lot is very important when you are trying to build muscle.  So I feel that even if it means not losing unwanted weight, it most certainly will help with gaining the good kind.  Those numbers are much easier to deal with if you ask me.

Eventually I do want to work toward losing fat, but I've decided right now gaining muscle is my priority.  In fact it is the best way to increase your metabolism so that losing fat is possible.  I'm in it for the long haul.  Not looking for overnight results.  My trainer put together a meal plan for me that I was so tempted to throw back in her face.  Full of foods I don't care to eat, along with fake sweeteners, processed carbs, and almost all low-fat or fat-free items.  Sadly I am probably going to end up BS-ing that part.  I don't want to seem like I'm fighting against her, because she really is an awesome trainer.  But I have done plenty of my own research in nutrition, not to mention I consult with my sister who happens to be studying as a dietitian and is in her internship now.

Anyway.  As far as how I'm doing, well I'm ok.  Like I said, I'm definitely sad... I have peace, but I am sad and I am pretty lonely as well.  I've pretty much been pouring my time into staying busy as much as possible with running, working out, friends, reading.  I have picked up reading the Harry Potter books again, which is always a good world to get lost in when you are sad.  I know that there will be brighter days ahead, so I will keep on keeping on over here.