I grew up in the church. I accepted Christ at a young age, and have followed Him ever since. I attended the same church from pre-school until just a few weeks ago, when I moved. I decided that, even if I didn't find a new church right away, I was not going to go back to my old one on a weekly basis. Nothing against it, but I knew that if I allowed myself to do that then I would once again get comfortable there, and never venture out on my own. Of course, one could argue I'm too afraid to venture out as it is.

Finding a new church is the worst experience ever. Maybe just for me, I don't know. In college, I did try another church for about six months. I tried so hard, and never connected. So I went back to my old church. Due to work, I haven't been able to try a new church yet over here. Which also makes things hard, because consistency is something that's almost impossible for a nurse when it comes to going to church. One of my friends, a strong Christian, has to work every weekend due to her kids and she almost never can make it to church. I'm trying to figure out if there's some other way to fellowship with Christians. Or look for a church that has an odd service? But then it's only on Saturday nights, which I work a lot of.

And so, I suppose right now I'm between churches. I mentioned that to two good friends a few weeks ago, and got the silent judgmental stare. Honestly, I'm not "quitting" church. I'm in a place where it's really hard to consistently go every week because of my job, and so trying a new church makes it even harder. There is never that, "See you next week!" for me. My good friend who lives in the same apartment complex with me has invited me to hers, so when she is back in town I will go with her. Having a friend already there will probably help with that transition.

I used to not get why people didn't try new churches. How it was so easy, even if still actively in the faith, to simply not go to church. But I get it now. Church can be one of the most unwelcoming places if you are new there. Or even if you aren't new, but for reasons out of your control have had to be less connected (and at some point, your only connection any longer is that your parents are there). I wonder how often in the past, I was one of those unwelcoming people. Probably more than I'd like to admit. I feel it is as fruitless to continue attending a church where you aren't growing and not connecting, as it is to not attend church at all. Is there anyone else who has ever felt the same way? The sameness of it all gets too comfortable. At least coming from someone who attended the same church for 20 years, that's how it is.

I love my old church, and this isn't me saying anything against it (not to say it doesn't have its faults). It's just where I am at right now. A part of my heart will always belong in that church. There are many people that I love there. I learned to know Christ there. As a homeschooler growing up, that place was my life. But I think that for me in this next phase of growing up, it is time to say goodbye. I just hope I can find a new church soon, one that I can feel connected to and grow in.