I'm watching my summer days slip away. I can't believe it is almost time for school to start again. I still have a good four weeks to go, but I hate to think that once I start school I will basically be going for twelve straight months. But I have to keep it in perspective that I will be finished next August! I can hardly believe it. The hardest part is yet before me so I will have to work really hard. But I'm ready.

I have been trying to work out a lot lately, and watching what I eat (somewhat). I hate dieting and honestly I hate exercise, so this really isn't easy for me. I should correct myself though- I'm not dieting. I'm just trying to cut back on a lot of sweets. I have a big sweet tooth and it's hard for me to go a day without eating something sweet (several times throughout the day too). And chocolate is my biggest weakness. But anyway, I'm not really doing this as a way of trying to lose weight- or at least I'm trying not to let that be my focus. I really need to get healthy. Especially in school. I will be so busy this year and will get little sleep, and I'm going to need the extra energy that comes with working out and eating right. If I start to get myself into the better habits now, it'll be easier when the schedule goes crazy.

Lately my self-image has been pretty low. I've only been able to look in the mirror and see all of my flaws. I would honestly love to be so much thinner than I am right now. And am I even fat? No. I know I'm not fat. But according to every "fitness" magazine (aka anorexia-promoting magazine) I don't look right. And I get really down on myself about that sometimes. And other times I can look in the mirror and decide I don't care what anyone thinks. But anyway, last night I was at the gym and I saw a young man working out. He looked like he was somewhere around 20 or so. He was very overweight, but he was there working out. I always inwardly feel proud of those people- good for them for working out! I have never felt the urge to make fun of an overweight or obese person who is working out among fit, athletically built people. But last night I started to feel pity for this young man, and then I really felt guilty because I sit at home whining that I'm "fat" and I just hate working out, etc. But God has blessed me so much because I think I deserve to be fat for the way I eat and the immensity of my laziness. Anyway. I need to start being more thankful that I have the ability to exercise, and to choose what I can and cannot eat, etc, rather than getting hung up on why I can't look a certain way. I know people who have diabetes, or severe food allergies and have to be on very strict diets.

Why do we put so much emphasis upon looks anyway? I mean, yes, I believe that people should take care of themselves and try to look nice. I just think that's common courtesy. But why do we think we have to present this image to the world that we are beautiful, glamorous, sexy, etc... You get criticized for going out in public in a t-shirt and shorts, or without make-up, or maybe with your hair up in just a pony tail. And no, I have never been directly criticized to my face for these things, but have received suttle hints from friends about it on what I like to call my "frumpy" days. But all in all, I really really care what people think of me. I will get up an hour early just so I can do my hair and wear a little more make-up, so people will think better of me.

Ok, just ranting here so I think it's time to stop. I work today. Not especially looking forward to it since I woke up with headache, but oh well.