I watched another friend get married at a beautiful ceremony yesterday. It was held at a place called the White Room Loft with a balcony outside and an awesome view. I'm so happy for my friend, and wish her and her new husband God's blessings.
This has been the season for weddings. I love it, really, although I must say I have grown a bit weary of wedding bliss at times. I enjoy them a lot and do not project any bitterness towards bride and groom, however weddings always leave me feeling very empty inside. What this emptiness is caused by I'm not really sure. I don't feel bitter or upset about singleness, and in fact I am very content in this position I'm in right now (with the exceptional days of discontentment as well). I very much desire marriage, though, and do find myself wistful at times about it. But what is the use? I figure it is much better to be single and content than to constantly throw myself from guy to guy, desperately searching for "the one,"-- or worse, ending up with the wrong one and thinking he's "the one." My mom has told me that there are worse things than being single for life and one of them is being married to the wrong person.
I think that for the first time in my life yesterday I felt irritated when it came time for the bouquet toss. I'm not sure I will do that at my wedding. I don't like this being singled out as a single-- "all the single ladies!" I always feel this desperation in the girls around me, and whether it is just competition over being the one to catch the bouquet or a desire to be noticed above all the others I'm not really sure. I have felt those feelings before, yet yesterday I found myself really bothered by the whole thing. Call it bitterness, I guess. Maybe I'm just feeling out of sorts this weekend.
Saw old friends this week, yet felt saddened by it. I really wish things could be the way they used to, but I know it's not supposed to be that way. Oh, well. I guess I'm struggling with moving on in life. I feel as though I'm struggling with one big disappointment of a life right now.
So sorry for the venting. I needed an outlet. Tomorrow will be brighter-- it always is.
2 comments:
I was watching Hitch this weekend. There is a great line: You're not sick, you're single. Hah hah.
So I agree with you on the bouquet toss. It's just awkward and actually I haven't participated the last two weddings I've been at just because I think it's kind of silly. If you don't catch it, people act like it's some terrible loss and if you do catch it it's like all of a sudden there's even more pressure. GREAT! ;)
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