A Journey

So last night, this happened:

I've been working on the crow pose for a few weeks now.  Apart from my regular practice (and I've got the bruises around my knees to prove it!) every night before bed, I have worked on attempting this pose.  Last night something finally clicked and I was able to hold my balance here for about seven seconds.

It's the first arm balance pose I've been able to do.  And even though it might not seem like a big deal, to me it is!  In fact, check out this picture I took of myself almost two years ago to the day:

That's from April of 2013.  Just a month before I really had to examine my life, my health (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc) and make some real changes.  This picture was in the ER back in Florida, after I spent a night in excruciating back pain before having to call EMS because I couldn't even walk out of my apartment with my mom's help to get to a doctor.  This moment was one of the wake-up calls it took for me to take it seriously.  And the girl in that picture probably would have laughed at the idea of practicing yoga.  And most certainly wouldn't have been able to imagine doing the crow pose.

The journey between those two pictures has been a long, hard one.  Little decisions in day-to-day life have gotten me where I am.  Not some huge, drastic over-night change.  It's been baby steps.  Failures.  Trying again.  Injuries.  Learning not to push myself too hard.  And learning kindness toward myself as a result.  And it makes me excited to see where I will be in this journey a year from now, or two years from now.  It's exciting when fitness no longer becomes about aesthetics... because that is NOT what fitness means.

I was given one body for this life.  That's how I look at it.  And I have two choices when it comes to my fitness.  I can be consumed with how flat my stomach is, how toned my thighs are, whether my face is thin enough, my arms lean enough, etc... or I can simply get out there and MOVE!  Enjoy a run with the wind blowing, sun shining... or even a run through the rain, which also happens to be one of my favorite things.  Celebrate the victories of a new PR or finally running the longest distance I have since high school. (seven miles!)  Take a nice long bike ride and enjoy the feeling of freedom it gives me.  Master a balance pose in yoga that I've been working on for weeks.  Recognize my limitations when it comes to where I'm at in my fitness to avoid injury.  Not beat myself up for enjoying dessert and drinks along with wonderful conversation with friends.  I think I know which life I want for myself.

Because that's the life that makes me happy.  That's the life that is free from self-hatred, constant feelings of failure, body-hate, food issues, and more.  It's the life where I feel beautiful and free and completely myself.  That's the journey I want to be on.