I hadn't anticipated how sad Christmastime would make me this year.

I really, really miss my grandparents at this time of year.  I just want to be able to drive up there on the 20th, sleep at their house, eat around the dining room table with all of the ones I love, candles in the middle of the table, with laughter and the warmth of togetherness.  I want to hear Grandma laughing, Aunt Georgia exclaiming how "loverly" everything is, Grandpa saying the dinner prayer that always went on for too long.

I want to sit at their kitchen window watching snow fall outside.  I want to drink green punch and eat party pizzas at the Christmas Eve party.  I want to go to Peck Hall and have the family parties we always did.

I love the memories, but they make my heart ache.  I don't know why.  Usually when I remember my grandparents I'm not sad anymore.  But maybe it's the time of year and knowing that I'll be by myself for Christmas this year that hurts the most.  Christmas has always, always been my favorite time of year.  But I don't know if that's the case anymore, at least not quite as much as it used to be.  Last night I watched Rudolph, and it really made me sad.

Yesterday was the two year anniversary of Grandpa dying.  A lot, a lot has changed since then.

So sorry for the sad post today.  Sometimes you just miss people and you can't help but be sad, and that's how I am today.