I don't have much to look forward to about Christmas this year, but the nostalgia of it all has been my friend.  I try not to spend a lot of time thinking about the "good old days" (try, being the key word- sentimentality is something I fall prey to very easily) but at this time of year you kind of can't help it.

It seems like I can't hear a Christmas song without tying some memory to it.  I decided to write down some of them, if only for the therapeutic value for myself.

I've always loved Christmas.  Since I can remember as a young girl, it has been the one day of the year that I look forward to more than any other.  As I have gotten older, I've realized in large part that was because of Grandma and Grandpa.  They made Christmas what it was.  I took it as a given in those days, not realizing I would not always have that.  And, for a child, that's good.  But as an adult, I still miss it.

When we visited Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas, in the early days we would get there as early as December 17 and stay through Christmas day.  So our Christmas celebrations happened throughout the week, each one as good as the last.  We lived life with Grandma and Grandpa during those times, going to church with them (where we often would sit with Aunt Georgia and Uncle Dick- which, after reading Grandpa's diaries years later, he didn't always appreciate because then people thought we were their grandkids), grocery shopping with them (at Slop'n'Shave... I mean Shop'n'Save), helping in the kitchen, and taking walks to visit the cousins down the street. 

I hate to say it, but my heart really does ache for days like those.  I realize the reality that things will never be the same and that's simply the way it is.  I know I'm an adult in my 20s and should be well beyond yearning for the Christmases of my childhood.  But I'm not and I miss it, and it does help me to remember.  I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, because there's nothing to feel sorry for about it.  It is what it is, it's just part of growing up.

Four years ago, the last Christmas I spent with both of my grandparents, I wouldn't have imagined that at this time this would be how I spent Christmas.  Of course, I didn't know how long we would have Grandpa, because he was already in his 90s, but I never could have imagined Grandma would be gone as well.  It's just crazy how much things can change.