That time of year is on its way-- and I'm EXCITED! I'm already listening to Christmas music, looking forward to Thanksgiving, and thinking up ways to spend my Christmas holiday. I just love, LOVE this time of year. This year will be different for me, but I will try to enjoy it somehow. I was also thinking that maybe in January or February I will go up north- and I'll be more likely to see snow that time than if I were to go at Christmastime. Right now I don't really feel sorry for myself not being able to join the family for Christmas, but I do think that when it gets closer I will.

Work is really going well. I'm learning a lot, although there are still days I leave absolutely hating it. But I can at least go in and have a fresh start. I work tomorrow and then get a three day break. I think what is frustrating me is that I have been working all of these weekends, and feel as though it is interfering with a lot. I work the 4th and 5th, both the nights of the church Christmas dinner. Speaking of church, I haven't even been in more than three weeks. I wonder if there are churches in the area that have a Saturday or Sunday night service (that aren't Southern Baptist).

I've been struggling with being very lonely lately. Just lonely in general. It's difficult for me to reach out to people when I'm the one who is needy. I'd rather just curl up in bed and watch a sappy movie all alone than ask someone to listen to me. Lately I just feel as though I have no outlet. I feel as though I bottle up the stress, the frustrations, and everything else. I know this is sooo cheesy, but I always think of that song by Michael W. Smith, "Place in This World," and I feel like that is so much of what I'm feeling. (sorry, I know that's uber corny!) I mean, I just graduated college, I have reached a point in my life that I've worked toward for years! I'd think I would be so happy right now, but I'm not always feeling that way. Just struggling with the many disillusionments life has handed me in the past year. I know it's selfish because I'm so blessed. But at the same time, I don't want to have my feelings minimized. Because they are there, and they can really hurt sometimes.

Oh well, moving on. Life really is good, I'm just a big fat whiner.