I think having kids must be one of the best things ever. It's super stressful, I'm sure, but in so many ways you get to re-live your childhood. Thinking today how thankful I am to have had such a wonderful childhood. Something a lot of kids don't get. In some ways I fault this awesome childhood for my many disappointments in life, but in many ways I'd give anything to go back to the naive innocence of those days. A time when I trusted everyone. I always thought the best of people. Life was so full of excitement in the little things. I remember when having pizza made the best day ever.

The Holidays always make me think back on many wonderful Thanksgivings and Christmases past. I probably spend too much of my time trying to re-create those good times. It's hard for me to accept life as it is. I want the ideal. I want the Hollywood movie with Bing Crosby singing a Christmas song in the background to make everything better. I want all my problems solved in 30 minutes, just like it happens on TV. At the end of the day I want all the loose ends tied together to make everything complete, everything happy. And sometimes it happens that way. But I still have to get up the next day and face the same struggles, the same insecurities, fight the same battles.

I suppose I'm feeling more depressed than usual at the prospect of this potentially lonely Holiday Season. I know Thanksgiving will be awesome, spent with the Kerchers and the Warrens just like always. There's no threat of change there, but having no family gatherings to look forward to at Christmas is just really hard for me. I have never missed a Christmas with my family before. Knowing that the traditions of evening dinners at Grandma's, Christmas Eve/Day celebrations, and post-Christmas festivities will go on without me is tough to accept. And knowing that it might be like this from now on is even worse to accept. I don't know when I'll ever be allowed to have much holiday time off.

My apologies for this giant pity party. I am just blowing off steam, and I'm sure it won't all be as bad as I think. Who knows, maybe I can find a new tradition to start for myself and Allison? And I suppose that's something I can be thankful for, that Allison and I will get to spend some of the time together, even if it's very little. Maybe I'll have friends over and cook a huge meal. Or have a dessert-making day with friends. There is so much I could do instead of feeling sorry for myself. I'm not going to let it get me down when the time actually comes.

On the last day of a 3-day weekend. It has been awesome! After the 29th I will have a 4-day weekend. Hip hip hooray! I worked out yesterday and lifted weights for the first time in months... and ohh my goodness am I sore! I'm so out of shape! I used to lift so much more, and I was pretty disappointed to see how little I was able to lift. Well, you have to start somewhere. Unfortunately it's tough when you are in the midst a bunch of guys admiring their own pecs in the mirror... please. I think that most guys who weight-lift must be really insecure. Next time you go to the gym please take note of the height of most of them... they tend to be 5'6'' and below, with a few exceptions. I find myself laughing silently throughout most of my work-out watching them strut from one end of the gym to the other.

Well, I should be going. Since it's Thanksgiving week coming up, I'm going to close with something I'm thankful for. And today that would be having a job. Things have worked out so wonderfully with it. I'm thankful.