I took the plunge last week and signed up for Weight Watchers online. I ignored it for the first couple of days until Tuesday following a 10 Oreo binge the day before. It's true, I struggle with binge eating and I have felt like I have little or no control over it most of the time. Eating healthy takes a more than a conscious effort for me. It is a psychological game, and I hate it. Damn you, Hollywood. And yet I know it's my fault. The thing is, I'm not fat. I never have been, although you won't find the word "skinny" in a description of me either. People give me incredulous and sometimes disgusted looks when I mention wanting to lose weight or be healthier. When I turned 16, something clicked in my mind and I realized I didn't look like the magazine. I decided I wanted to, and it took me down a road that I have hated and regretted ever since. No, I wouldn't say I have an eating disorder but I struggle with eating just like all other women (and yes, I do believe that almost every woman has had an eating disorder at some point in her life, whether or not she'll admit it).

I turn to food for comfort. I turn to it when I'm sad. I turn to it when I'm depressed. I turn to it when I want to celebrate. I turn to it when I'm stressed. It sucks. I feel disgusted with myself when downing a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Yet it doesn't stop me.

So anyways, I'm hoping that this can be a turning point for me. I have made a decision to be healthy. I am finding Weight Watchers to actually be ok. It's not limiting. Yeah, I can't eat a bag of Doritos, but I really can eat whatever I want within limits. My hope is that I can get into healthy habits so I'm not stuck in this rut. I have found great recipes that are healthy and taste good too. Well, I'll let you know how it goes.

Work has been going pretty well. Thursday was a pretty bad day. Not awful, but definitely not one of my best. I find that I am expecting too much of myself and am angry when I fall short. I'm so thankful to have a great preceptor though who is so encouraging. I am enjoying my job. There are days I wonder why I'm doing it, but really I can't complain. I've now been on the floor about a month. Meaning I have two months left of orientation. Yikes!