Recently I've been working on learning to love myself.  Flaws and all.

I don't know if guys struggle with this concept, or if it is just a complete non-issue for them... but I think that most women can find more than one thing that they hate about themselves.  For me, the constant battle has been with my personality and my body image.  Never quite as thin as I'd like to be... not as pretty as the next girl... in fact, not even pretty at all... and why the hell wasn't I given a more effervescent personality?  You know how there's always that girl who isn't pretty or thin, but oh, she just has such a beautiful personality?  Yeah.  Still not me.

It occurred to me recently what a boring world this would be if we all fit the cookie-cutter mold of what we think beautiful is.  Whether it is the world's perspective, or even the perfect-Christian-girl perspective (because I can think of no place else that expects such perfection out of women-- even if it isn't overtly taught).  What if we all had the same personalities?  The same hair, the same bodies?  Even if these things didn't all look exactly alike, it would still be a pretty weird place.

It isn't to say that we shouldn't take care of ourselves.  But let's face it.  Some women have issues with their body image (or health) that affects their bodies in ways they can't help.  Some starve themselves.  Others make themselves throw up.  Still, others can't control what they eat all the time.  Sometimes there are underlying health problems that you don't know about, and she can't help that her body doesn't allow her to lose (or gain) weight.  It is cruel to say these women have no will power.  That they simply don't take care of themselves.  But that is the general consensus: if she is overweight, then she is lazy.

I worked with a lady from a west Africa, and once when I was mentioning about my weight and how I wished I were thinner, she said to me, "In my country your body is desirable!"  Well then perhaps I am living in the wrong country... but you know what?  I have the body that I want.  Because I am healthy.  I am capable of running and walking.  I am free of ailments.  I can wake up each day and work long hours and make money.  So what if I don't look like a model?  Looks can only carry you so far.  I have a job that I went to school for, obtained on my merits, and continue to work damn hard at.  I'm not saying those are the most important things in life.  But if anyone were to judge me, then judge me by my accomplishments and not just the looks God did or didn't give to me!

I am well aware that yes, some women are more beautiful than others.  I'm not against beauty pageants and modeling and all that... but I think representation for women of all types would be nice.  (like opening up a catalog being able to simply say "I love that outfit!" instead of "Cute outfit but it wouldn't look that good on me..." I'm just saying!)

And I'll end by saying that I am learning to be happy with how I am.  Accepting of it.  Changing the things that I can, and accepting and loving the things I can't.

Rant over.  :)

Work has held me captive for the better part of the past week and a half. Tonight I work the seventh of the past ten days, and after that am off for three! I'm beyond tired... yesterday I went and got my nails done after work, and came home to sleep. Woke up for an hour to watch American Idol, then went back to sleep until 4:30 this morning. And I only woke up because I was hungry. After a shower and a meal (breakfast/lunch/dinner?) I think I am going to go back to bed and hope to sleep until the afternoon. Not sure if it's gonna happen or not.

And I was wrong, I'm not off for three, but four days! Awesome! All week I've been keeping myself going by remembering that I have off three days, but it's even better now that I know it's four. I'm sooo thankful!!

Happy Hunger Games!!! Is anyone else excited? I know I am!!! But I won't be seeing it for a little while. I don't feel like fighting ridiculous crowds that consist mostly of 16 year olds who think Peeta is, like, sooooo hot. Actually, it's Gale who's hot, girls... hands off! (although at the end of the day, Peeta is the one for Katniss)

I have a question for anyone who cares to think about it. What is your opinion on an unmarried woman adopting a child? I recently read on facebook someone wishing they could adopt, and one of the reasons she listed for its being impossible was that she was unmarried. I feel like I know what my opinion is "supposed" to be, but I honestly think it would be awesome. Don't worry, I'm not actually contemplating doing this, at least for awhile. I've always said that I would adopt one day, but seeing how I don't know if I'll ever get married, I don't see why I couldn't, if I get to the point where I could afford it and was in a good place to do so. If your opinion is different from mine, I won't be offended.

Anyway, now that I'm not tired at all, I'm going to attempt to go back to sleep.