One of the biggest pitfalls I have is comparing myself to a prior version of me.  Mostly in the physical sense, yes.  I have this bad habit of looking at pictures of myself from 2-4 years ago, and then berating myself for not looking like that anymore.  For not having the discipline I had in those days to maintain that.

Discipline for skipping meals?  Going to bed starving, my stomach feeling like it was eating itself?  Eating the smallest portions I possibly could?  Fasting as long as I could after bingeing or overeating?  Exercising even through injuries, bad weather, or skipping out on events with friends so I could get that exercise in?  Always looking for the next diet that would finally cure me of all my food issue?  

And I look at those things as positive?

Those things stole so much life from me.  It's easy to look at an old picture of a smaller version of me and see someone who was prettier, healthier, happier, etc.  I have to remind myself of how much I was shrinking--not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.  I was hiding away from taking up space in the world.

And so today, yes-- I am bigger.  I struggle every day with giving my body what it needs.  It probably sounds odd coming from someone who struggles with bingeing and overeating that in all actuality, I eat in a restrictive way most of the time.  Not just restrictive in portions, but restrictive thinking includes your attitude and mindset while you are eating the "unhealthy" things as well.  While I might be "allowing" those things in your diet, I still have a restrictive mindset around them.

There's so much more I could say, but there's a lot of things I still have a hard time talking about.

I just want to remember today that I am more than a body.  My body is no more than a vessel that carries me around.  The fact that that body looks different today than it did a year or two ago changes nothing about who I am.