I happened upon this post about loving my body in my blog archives from 2012.
At what point did I go off the rails?
I don't know if there's a specific time I "got" an eating disorder. I know that the descent began in 2013 when I dieted and restricted my way to losing weight in a short period. I know that for a couple of years after that I struggled severely with disordered eating off and on.
I know that it was the fall of 2016 that I finally admitted to myself and to my sister that I had an eating disorder, and had been struggling with it for close to two years.
And I guess it doesn't really matter at what point I went from disordered eating to a full-blown disorder. But the fact is that I can pinpoint the beginning of the spiral to one specific thing: dieting. Restricting. Losing weight rapidly.
That's not to say every person who diets will develop an eating disorder. But odds are if you have an ED, it probably started with a diet.
I still struggle with the idea of never dieting again.
No more Weight Watchers. No more Whole30. No more counting calories. No more restricting carbs or major food groups.
Letting go of the control. Facing the fear that I might gain weight and not be able to turn to dieting to quickly lose it. Each day that I don't step on the scale to monitor the fluctuations.... fearing what is happening to my body even right now in this moment.
And facing head-on all the crap behind WHY this is going on in the first place.
Needless to say, it's extremely overwhelming if I think of it all at once. So I take it one.day.at.a.time.
1 comment:
Hello Natalie. I am a Pastor from Mumbai, India. I am glad to visit your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I am blessed by your post on One Day At A Time. I am also blessed and feel privileged and honored to get connected with you as well as know you through your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I love getting connected with you as well as know you through your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I have been in the Pastoral ministry for last 38 yrs in this great city of Mumbai a city with a great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reachout to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ to bring healing to the brokenhearted. We also encourage young and the adults from the west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have you come to Mumbai with your Nursing friends to work with us during your vacation time and be hands and feet of Jesus in bringing physical and spiritual healing to the brokenhearted who are inflected with different kinds of diseases. I am sure you will have alife changing experience. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. Looking forward to hear from you very soon. God's richest blessings on you, your family and friends.
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