Do you ever just wish you could get a do-over?
I have been struggling. STRUGGLING. And for the first time in my life, I finally have had the courage to reach out for help.
I haven't been there for people in my life because of what I've been going through... I know how to self-sabotage, push people away, be hurtful, and keep myself away from the world because of this. My mind has been in a very dark, sad place for too long. It is time for me to recognize my problems as what they are-- I am struggling with mental health problems and I can't do it alone anymore.
I need prayer, because right now I simply can't pray. My prayers come in the form of tears and pleas these days, and silence is my answer.
I know this sounds like I'm in an acute crisis and I'm not... I am not suicidal so please don't interpret this as a call for help in that way. I simply want to shed light on where I'm at and where I've been. Maybe it's tacky and strange to post this on a blog, but honestly I don't really care. I want to be heard, and even if putting this out on a blog post that won't be read by many can alleviate some of that, then it's worth it to me.
Thirty. Thirty is a milestone. I want thirty to kick depression and binge eating disorder in the balls. I want to overcome this and I want to live fully again. I am tired.
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